


Your Sins Into Me

by Tcharlatan



Category: Dir en grey, Penicillin (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural, Anal Sex, Attempted Murder, Attempted Rape, Bloodplay, Demon Sex, Domestic Violence, Early Work, Flashbacks, Inspired by Music, M/M, Masochism, Masturbation, Memory Alteration, Oral Sex, Rimming, Rough Sex, Succubi & Incubi, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-05
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 08:45:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 47,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/583435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tcharlatan/pseuds/Tcharlatan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyo must chose whether stay with Hakuei - whose presence inspires both love and fear, whose hands bring both pleasure and pain - or go to Kaoru, a new friend with a charming smile and an unnerving intensity.</p><p>(AU - no prior familiarity with characters necessary)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of pure fiction. I do not personally know any of the members of Dir en grey or Penicillin, and do not profit from this work.

" _GASP for breath.”_

Lights flashed – a flickering rainbow.

_“GASP for breath.”_

Bodies writhed – a twisting mass of limbs.

_“GASP for breath.”_

Music throbbed – a heavy beat that shook the air itself.

A slight figure stood alone on the stage, holding a microphone like a lifeline between two long-fingered hands. His leather-clad hips twisted and rocked as he sang, his shirtless torso lean and toned, his movements perfectly in sync with the music that spun about him; the envy and addiction of so many on the dance floor. The passion of his dancing mixed with the power of his voice to solidify the sheer intensity of his performance.

The singer’s face twisted into a painful grimace, one tattooed hand coming up to clutch at his own bare chest. _“Love me, please! Love this blood and its meaning!”_

The music spun higher and higher, faster and more powerful as the man threw his head back to scream ever louder.

_“GASP for breath, GASP for breath, GASP for breath. Love me, please! Love this day and its worth!”_

The music climbed away into a stirring climax, the vocalist on the stage tucking his wrists behind his shock of blonde hair to pour himself fully into dancing while the song finished itself. Dark gold eyes lined heavily with black rolled over the crowd, a soft tongue sliding out lewdly to tease and incite the crowd that screamed, cheered, danced, and lusted just for him. When the music ground to a halt and the lights died out, the singer stood panting for a long moment, basking in the raucous noise of so many strangers bidding him a wild, loving farewell. With a tired bow and a lazily blown kiss, he slid the cheap microphone back into its stand and slumped off the stage, disappearing down a nearby hall. Behind him, he could hear the DJ address the crowd enthusiastically.

He pulled on his shirt, grabbed his jacket off the hook, and pushed through the back door of the club, letting it close behind himself to cut off the throbbing bass beat of the generic dance music that had started up. His throat was raw, his voice was fading, his muscles were leaden with fatigue, and he couldn’t be happier. His set was over for the night. He sang at the club two nights a week and though it was exhausting, paid very little, and was a long way away from his home, he cherished every moment he spent on that stage. Recently, he’d gotten permission from the club owner to stretch his performances from one hour per night to two and though it was a strain on his body, he was overjoyed with the change. If he could handle singing so hard for so long every night, he’d quit his other job in a heartbeat.

In the secluded alley behind the club, a crisp spring breeze washed over him, chilling his over-heated flesh and making him shiver with pleasure. With a relieved sigh, he lit up a cigarette, slumping back against the cool brick wall and letting his eyes drift shut. Even the simple act of holding the smoking paper stick up to his lips was a shaky, adrenalin-wrought effort with his blood pounding so rapidly. The high induced by his performance would eventually begin to fade, ever so slowly, but he’d been feeling the vestiges of it for hours yet.

“Kyo!”

The blonde opened one eye to look back at the door. A tall, spindly man was hanging out of it with one hand gripping the doorframe, red and black hair hanging around his grinning face. An apron hung around the man’s narrow waist, bulging with notepads, tips, and too many pens. His free hand was holding a covered ceramic mug that let out the tiniest wisp of steam.

Kyo frowned slightly. “Die? What are you doing out here? Who’s tending bar?”

“Shin’s got it covered for now. I brought you something for your throat,” the redhead answered congenially.

Kyo smiled tiredly and took the mug. It was a comical thing – bright red with a bug-eyed, grinning demon face on the front – that Die had bought in a novelty shop years ago, and kept behind the bar just for him. “Thanks. Was it that obvious?”

“Nah, I don’t think anyone noticed. I just worry about you straining yourself with these long sets, you know. Are you sure you shouldn’t go back to only an hour?” The concern on the older man’s face was blatant.

They’d only known each other for a couple of years, since just after Kyo had moved to Tokyo, but Die was truly fond of his smaller friend. He had helped the blonde get the singing job in the club he bartended for, and he hated to think that having done so might be causing the younger man pain.

Kyo took the lid off the mug and sipped carefully, humming his pleasure as the thick, slightly-too-hot mixture of honey and ginger tea slid down his aching throat. Shinya must have made it; it was perfect. Die always used too much honey. “I’ll be fine. I need the money.”

“Aa… The tea shop cut your hours again?” The redhead’s face remained worried for only a moment before a wide grin split it once more. “Hey! There’s a guy here you totally need to meet! I started talking to him a couple weeks ago, and he’s a _huge_ fan – he’s seen almost all of your shows!”

Kyo groaned, “Not again, Die! I don’t want to meet any more random bar people.”

One long arm waved emphatically. “This one’s different! I think you’ll like him, he’s-”

A jaunty tune started up from Kyo’s jacket pocket, cutting Die off. The blonde’s face twitched just a little, curious as he pulled out his phone, staring at the caller ID for a long moment before answering it. “Hello?”

_“Hey. Where are you?”_

“Just finishing up at the bar. The boss gave me the stage for longer sets now, remember?”

_“Are you going to be home soon?”_

“Y… Yeah, I’m leaving now.”

_“Alright. See you soon.”_

The line clicked softly as the man on the other side hung up, and Kyo sighed as he shrugged into his jacket. “Sorry, I have to head home.”

“Hakuei?” Die guessed despondently, his grin fading.

His shorter friend had become such a shut-in ever since he hooked up with the man several months back. He tried to be patient and understanding; most people were a little distant with their friends when they first got into new relationships, after all. And though he had only met Hakuei once, he’d gotten a strong impression that he and Kyo were really into one another, even getting an apartment together only a couple months after they met. But Kyo never hung out after work anymore, and even on his days off he would always go running home whenever Hakuei called, if he came out at all.

“Yeah.” The blonde pulled a face and downed the rest of his beverage, hissing softly against the sting as the heat pooled in his belly. He pushed past the taller man to gather the rest of his things from his little ready-room and hurry towards the front exit, calling back over one shoulder, “I’ll see you tomorrow! Tell Shinya I said goodnight!”

Dressed in all-black with a fedora tipped low to hide his face, Kyo managed to slip through the busy club undisturbed. No one recognized the short, quiet blonde with his head held low as the feral, brazen creature that had so recently bent the room to his will. When he stepped out into the open street, he was met with a strong wind that hadn’t been present in the alley, and he clutched his jacket closer as he hurried toward the subway station. It was a blessedly short wait for the train that would take him home, and he slumped into a vacant seat in the corner with a grateful sigh.

Ignoring the other passengers’ surreptitious glances at his somewhat wild appearance, he focused instead on digging out a packet of damp cloths from his messenger bag. He used the time on the train to carefully clean every last trace of make-up from his face, using the window as a mirror. With so much foundation, concealer, and eye-shadow stripped away, the glass callously reflected the heavy bruising around his left eye back to him. The harsh lights did him no kindness and he turned his back on his reflection resolutely, staring at the floor until the doors chimed and slid open at his stop. He shivered and hunched deeper into his coat, jogging from the last station on the subway line to the rundown apartment complex he lived in, cold hands fumbling with his keys in the lock.

"I’m home!"

When he stepped inside, the television was on, some sports program filling the room with cheering and an over-excited announcer’s voice. The soft yellow light of a battered old lamp illuminated an empty couch and a few dirty dishes on the coffee table. He slipped off his shoes quietly, setting his keys in the chipped ceramic bowl on the shelf by the door. His footsteps were soft and careful as he moved through the apartment to peer into the kitchen. Seeing no one, he started to step back into the hall, but found himself backing into a very solid, half-naked body.

His breath hitched in his throat. “Hakuei…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song described above _([Merciless Cult](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck2I05D7ZR0)) _ is intellectual property of Dir en grey, and I do not own any rights to it.


	2. Chapter 2

Long arms wound around Kyo’s waist from behind, dozens of glossy black braids falling over his neck and shoulders as he was held close. “Hey, Beautiful. I missed you.”

The smooth voice made the tension seep out of Kyo’s shoulders, and his eyes drifted shut as he leaned back against the taller man with content sigh. “Hey.”

“How was your day?”

“Long. It’s nice to be home, finally.”

“Mmm, I’m glad.” Hakuei’s lips were soft against his ear, teeth sharp as they nipped lightly at a pierced lobe. “C’mere, maybe I can make your day better.”

Kyo felt a little shiver of thrill run up his spine. His pulse was still racing from his performance, and that mouth against his ear and the hand pawing boldly at his groin were absolutely intoxicating. He turned in the circle of his lover’s arms, nuzzling briefly against the sparrow tattoos on the older man’s collarbones. One large hand came up to cup his cheek and he tilted his head back to receive a deep kiss as its twin slid over his shoulder to push at his jacket. When Kyo was free of the garment he brought his arms up to wrap around Hakuei’s strong shoulders, threading his fingers through smooth, silky ropes of hair. Arms slid around his back and under his butt, lifting him off his feet, and he hitched his legs around his lover’s waist eagerly.

Kyo was carried into the bedroom and dumped with little ceremony onto the bed, his lips separating from Hakuei’s with a wet sound. He panted, looking up at his lover with half-hooded eyes, admiring long black braids caressing a toned chest, elaborately tattooed muscular arms, the soft rise of hipbones peeking out from above sagging jeans. Hakuei was a thoroughly sensual creature, and even after almost a year together, just looking at him set Kyo’s blood boiling. Sitting up, the blonde stripped off his tee-shirt and threw it aside carelessly before hooking his fingers in the taller man’s belt loops to pull him closer.

Hakuei knelt over him, a slow grin spreading over his face. “Hey, Babe?”

Kyo arched his hips, rubbing himself shamelessly against his lover. “Yeah?”

“I feel like doing something special for you tonight.”

The blonde’s movements slowed a little, his tongue darting out to wet suddenly-dry lips. “You mean…?”

“Mmhmm.” Large hands drifted down the younger man’s chest, over a fluttering belly, to settle at the waist of the blonde’s pants. “Do you want it?”

“A-aa… yes, Haku, please…”

Hakuei leaned down to flick the tip of a clever tongue over Kyo’s lower lip before he moved away to dig in the nightstand. A ray of moonlight from the window glanced off of the steel and ebony hilt of Kyo’s favorite knife, his name carved into the wood in elegant calligraphy. His breath caught eagerly in his throat. Hakuei flicked the blade open, sharpened to a near-invisible edge, as he knelt over his smaller lover again.

“Do it,” Kyo begged, stretching his arms out to the side with the soft undersides exposed.

Hakuei’s free hand gripped Kyo’s arm tightly, pressing it down firmly into the bedcovers to keep it still. A crooked tooth bit down on a full lip as the blade slid gracefully across Kyo’s wrist with a short, deft movement of one large hand. His head rolled back, hips bucking against Hakuei’s, pleasure and pain spinning together wickedly as the skin bloomed with deep red from the shallow cut.

“Uuunnnn, Hakuei… again…”

“Shh, Darlin’, shh… be patient.”

“ _Please_ , Haku?” Kyo’s voice was an anxious whine.

Hakuei’s grin was wickedly self-indulgent. Kyo so rarely indulged his masochistic urges and when he did, the taller man could hardly control himself for the waves of primal lust that washed over him. His eyes were sharp as he slowly, torturously drew the blade twice more across his lover’s soft skin. Kyo was half-gone with agonized ecstasy as three matching lines were carved into the opposite wrist. The wet heat of blood sliding over his skin, the deep throbbing sting of the cuts, the powerful stabilizing grip of Hakuei’s strong hand – it was all too much. Burnt gold eyes rolled back into the younger man’s head, beads of sweat rolled across his chest and forehead, making his skin shine in the faint light, and full, flushed lips were panting harshly.

“Gods, Sugar, you bleed so beautifully…” Hakuei’s low voice purred overhead, pulling the blonde’s pants off and running his fingers up smooth, toned calves. “Touch yourself. I want to see you fuck yourself with those bloody hands.”

Kyo moaned and complied eagerly as his lover backed up to watch. His legs spread shamelessly, bent at the knees in a lewd display. One hand ran down a heaving chest, leaving a slick of wet red, to tease and dip into his own entrance, the other running ever-so-lightly up the shaft of his straining erection. Every brush of his fingers made sensitive flesh sing, every movement of his hands made his wrists scream, and the symphony was beautiful. Hakuei watched, eyes dark and intense with lust, the knife clattering to the floor unheeded. He pulled out his own arousal and started rubbing himself slowly as his young lover began to stretch and prepare himself with blood-slick fingers, one dripping digit at a time.

“Hakuei… nnnh!” the blonde gasped, eyes hazy with pleasure as he rocked against his own fingers, trying to press them ever deeper into himself. “Please, Haku, don’t make me wait any longer!”

The plea, combined with the deeply erotic sight in front of him, snapped Hakuei’s final thread of control. He didn’t even bother to take his pants off the rest of the way before surging forward to yank his lover’s hand away and hitch the shorter man’s leg up roughly. Kyo’s head snapped back with a choked gasp as the taller man thrust into him with one sharp push, dragging harsh groans from both of them.

Hakuei was way too far gone for any kind of constraint and his thrusts were rough and erratic, pounding mindlessly into the lithe little body beneath him, fingers digging mercilessly into lean thighs. Kyo’s bloody fingers painted red stripes across his lover’s flesh as he clawed at the older man’s back, hips rocking up to meet every brutal thrust. The bed creaked and thumped against the wall noisily, two voices gasped and moaned, and moonlight shined off of the sweat- and blood-streaked bodies to illuminate their wanton sins. When Kyo’s back arched off the bed and that powerful voice screamed with abandon, Hakuei threw his head back and added his own roar to the sound with a final, brutal thrust as they both came to climax.

When time started moving again, the taller man leaned down to touch his forehead against his lover’s as he pulled out, earning a soft gasp from the younger man. He was shaking with exertion when he flopped to one side of the blonde, rolling on his back and letting tired arms fall limp over his head in a sated sprawl. In the sudden still silence of the room, their soft panting seemed almost invasive as they both fought to catch their breath, basking in the heady afterglow of vulgar sex.

When Hakuei’s breathing eventually evened out into sleep, Kyo slid off the bed quietly, collected his knife from the floor, and padded into the bathroom. With hands that still shook, he carefully cleaned the blade and his cuts, then bandaged his arms with skill born of long practice. When pristine white bandages were taped securely in place, he wetted a towel with warm water and began to wipe at the blood, sweat, and cum that was smeared all over his body.

His hands slowed when he caught sight of the mirror. Bloody, naked, with a black eye and mussed hair, he found he looked… frail, somehow. His thoughts flashed again to the argument the night before; the one he started with a sharp tongue, and Hakuei finished with a swift fist. Hakuei had been drinking, and had unleashed a scathing complaint about how messy the apartment had become just as Kyo was walking through the door after work. The blonde was already tired and cranky and had snapped back at him, and the whole situation spiraled rapidly into a screaming, bickering fit. A half-empty beer bottle was thrown to shatter against the wall, Kyo hissed a vicious insult, and things came to a violent head. After Hakuei stormed out of the room, Kyo had had to clean the living room with ice over one eye to keep it from swelling shut.

It was not the first such argument, and despite the promises and apologies that always surfaced afterwards, he knew it would not be the last. But still, when Hakuei looked at him with that damnably cocky smile and warm black eyes, when he touched him with those skilled fingers that knew every centimeter of his body, Kyo knew he couldn’t help but love the man. He thought to himself, not for the first time, that maybe if he weren’t such a drain on the older man – if he made more money to help pay the bills, or if he weren’t so fickle and unpredictable all the time – maybe they wouldn’t argue quite so much. He turned away from his reflection, sickened by the sight of himself, and scrubbed the mess away until his skin was stinging and pink.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Kyo bustled around the tea shop, enjoying the relatively slow state of business. He had only been working there for a couple weeks, and so far it was more stressful than he had expected when it came to the meal-time rushes they were periodically bombarded with. His discomfort was only exacerbated by the uniform he had to wear; the overly-formal dress shirt, vest, tie, jacket, patent leather shoes, and pressed shorts. He wore his wire-framed reading glasses and ice blue contacts, and his hair was left loose to fall into his face. Being trussed up as an English school boy made him feel young and gawky._

_With only two tables to tend at the moment, he didn’t have to rush as much as usual to prepare the English-style black tea in the fine porcelain cups with their dainty handles and filigreed saucers. He delivered the order with the obligatory soft, submissive voice and shy smile that the shop’s theme demanded. When the front door chimed, he sighed silently and snatched up a menu before turning to greet the latest customer-_

_And felt gawkier than ever._

_The man standing in the doorway was **gorgeous** , like something straight out of a shamefully sticky dream. He was tall and lean, wearing a ribbed tank top that showed off toned arms decorated with finely-detailed tattoos and tight jeans that clung lovingly to impossibly long, slender legs. He had an elegant face with a straight nose, gently-arched eyebrows, and a small mouth with full, pierced lips. And the hair framing that face! Kyo felt his stomach quiver excitedly as he took in at least half a meter of glossy black hair pulled into countless dozens of thin braids. He had always had a bit of a thing for collections of long, skinny braids, and this man pulled the look off flawlessly._

_Kyo’s mouth was already moving, and all he could do was hope that he was offering the typical greeting to the man and not something more embarrassing. The man slid into the chair the blonde led him to and gave a polite smile – oh gods, that **smile**! Just a graceful curve of the lips, but so self-indulgent, so cocky! When he took the proffered menu, his long fingers brushed over Kyo’s, and the blonde felt a telling heat rise to his cheeks._

_The dance began._

_For the next hour, Kyo tended to all of his tables as attentively as he could, but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off the tall, braided man. Every time he brought the man something – ice water, black tea, a slice of cake – sharp black eyes would meet his own and that damned smile would melt Kyo just a little more. The man always thanked him with an endearment – Sugar, Beautiful, Honey – and Kyo always blushed and hurried back to his work, which only seemed to amuse the stranger further. Whenever he glanced over, the man’s black eyes were locked on him, a cocky-smirk only half hidden behind a porcelain tea cup._

_Finally, when Kyo was ringing the man out, he stared at the receipt that spilled out of the register, one hand hovering over the pen in his apron. Should he…? He wasn’t usually so forward, but he usually didn’t meet walking wet dreams that openly flirted with him either. With a resolute breath, he scribbled his name and phone number on the receipt, folded it in half, and delivered it back to the man with the credit card he’d just charged. He offered a polite farewell, and rushed off to see to another table._

_**‘Oh gods. What if he doesn’t even look at the receipt?’** _

_**‘What if I read him wrong and he isn’t interested?’** _

_**‘Why the hell would someone like that be interested in someone like me?!’** _

_**‘What if he isn’t even gay?!’** _

_**‘FUCK!’** _

_**‘Oh gods, if he laughs at me in front of the other customers...’** _

_The blonde berated himself as he absently scribbled down the table’s order. He felt silly and stupid, and as he slid behind the counter to dig a slice of cake out of the case, he glanced surreptitiously at the braided man, praying that the man would be kind enough to at least not mock him publicly. Large hands had just unfolded the receipt, and black eyes were fixed on the thin slip of paper. A slow, sensual grin spread across the man’s face and Kyo felt his heart flutter in his throat._

Hakuei was fast asleep when Kyo woke the next morning, and the blonde had to bite his tongue and stifle an angry expletive to keep from waking his lover when he looked at the clock. He’d overslept. _Again._ He felt stiff and sore all over, and his arms ached fiercely, but he forced himself to roll out of his warm, comfortable bed. It was a miserable effort to shower, rebandage his wounds, eat a few bites of breakfast, and dress for his day job at the tea shop, but he forced himself through each task as fast as he could manage.

He glanced at the clock in the living room and cursed, grabbing his keys and messenger bag from their places by the door and running down the outside stairs to the bus stop. A frustrated groan left him when he saw the back end of the bus he needed, two blocks away and retreating quickly. He only had enough money for the bus trip; he couldn’t afford a taxi. The next one came after a grueling twenty-minute wait and his stomach twisted anxiously for the entire trip. His boss did _not_ appreciate it when he was late.

Forty-five minutes later, after very nearly falling out of the bus in his hurry, Kyo ran down the street to the tea shop, dodging past patrons to duck into the back room. He threw his bag into his cubby and fumbled to untangle the strings of his apron.

“Nishimura.”

Kyo flinched and turned slowly, blue eyes repentant behind wire frames. “I know I’m late, Boss, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

The man standing in the doorway was in his late sixties, with thick glasses and salt-and-pepper hair cut traditionally short. Go Ueda had opened the themed tea shop a couple decades ago and had never missed so much as an hour of work in that time. The man took a lot of pride in his business, and though he was generally kind, he was deeply wary of anything that might threaten his tea-house’s reputation.

“The fact that you said that the last two times this month alone dampens your credibility somewhat, never mind the dozen or so times you’ve said it before. And your face is bruised _again_.” Kyo startled, his fingers brushing over the edge of the black eye he’d forgotten to conceal. Mr. Ueda sighed, the long wrinkles around his eyes deepening into a frown as he leaned back against a shelf. “What you do on your own time is your business, but nobody wants to order tea and cake from someone that looks like a street thug.”

“I know! I know, I just forgot to cover it; I can run into the bathroom real quick and take care of it. No one will notice.” Kyo’s voice was a bit unsteady. He was getting a very bad feeling about where this conversation was heading.

“You’re a good kid, Nishimura, and I like you, but this can’t keep happening. The tattoos are bad enough, but when you come in looking like… like _this_ , it hurts our image. Combined with your constant tardiness, I just can’t afford to keep you on here. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

The blonde stared, mouth agape. His voice cracked as he spoke. “Wh-… what?Y-you mean, I-… I’m really sorry I was late, but I swear I won’t let it happen again! And I can cover up the bruise, it only takes a minute! Please, Mr. Ueda, I _need_ this job!”

“I’m sorry, but my decision is final. I’ll send your final check in the mail.”

The elderly man left the back room to resume his work behind the counter and Kyo was left to absorb his words. He’d been… fired? For several minutes he stood stock still, his apron hanging numbly from one hand. Eventually, of its own accord, that hand dropped the scrap of cloth and grasped his bag as he walked mechanically out of the shop. One of the other servers started to ask him where he was going, but Ueda stopped him with a shake of the head. He ducked into the small gap between the tea shop and a neighboring building and slumped back against the wall, eyes wide with disbelief.

He had hated the job – despised it, really – but he needed it, desperately, to help pay the rent. Hakuei paid for the bulk of their expenses, but things were already dangerously tight; he couldn’t cover everything on his own. And Kyo was a high-school dropout, so it wasn’t like he could just find another place to work at the drop of a hat. Even this terrible job had been difficult to get. One hand came up, shaking, to cover his mouth as his stomach dropped viciously.

_‘Hakuei is going to be so pissed…’_

With a miserable groan the blonde lurched forward abruptly, his stomach forcibly rejecting the few bites of breakfast he’d managed earlier.

“What the f-!?”

Pale blue eyes widened, horrified, as a portion of the mess splashed onto a pair of impeccably clean boots. Kyo’s mortified gaze followed the line of long legs in tight black jeans, over a lean chest in a thick jacket, up to a face – framed with wild, glossy black hair – that made his heart twist just a bit with fear. A thin mouth was pursed under an arched nose, impossibly high cheekbones, and the most terrifyingly predatory eyes the blonde had ever seen. Those eyes, such a dark brown they were nearly black, felt like they would tear him open from the inside, they regarded him so sharply.

“Oh gods I… I’m so sorry, I…” Kyo was at a loss what to do or say.

He’d never vomited on a stranger before, let alone one with such a scary face, and in light of the day he’d had so far, his brain simply shut down in horror. He dropped to his knees, dirty cement digging into the bare flesh revealed by his uniform shorts, and dug one of his make-up cleaning cloths out of his bag to wipe shakily at the men’s boot. His eyes were tearing up and it was getting hard to see, but he just kept trying to clean the leather even after the mess was gone.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry!” His voice shook and cracked weakly.

“Oh, jeez… hey, it’s not _that_ bad.” The man crouched and caught Kyo‘s shaking hands. “See? It’s all clean now. Good as new.”

Kyo didn’t respond, head bowed in shame. He wished he could just disappear into the ground. After a moment, a thin, tattooed hand came into view and took a gentle hold of his chin, forcing him to meet the stranger’s gaze. Eyes that had seemed so piercing and vicious a moment ago were softened with sympathetic concern, the thin mouth pulled into a wheedling smile.

“It’s not that bad, I promise. Are you okay?” The man’s low voice was gentle, coaxing.

Kyo found himself responding in spite of himself. “Yeah, I just… yeah. I’m sorry about your shoes.”

“Don’t worry about it. No harm, no foul. Are you sick? Do you need help?”

“Wha-…?” The blonde was taken aback. “No, I… I’m okay.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, th-thanks.”

“Alright. Try to feel better, Blue Eyes.” The man winked and backed off with a short wave before turning to continue on his way.

Dragging the back of one hand over his mouth, the blonde stared after the odd man until he disappeared into the crowd. Climbing unsteadily to his feet, he moved to the nearest bus stop and slumped onto the bench tiredly. For ten minutes, he sat quietly staring at the street in front of him, trying to think through the frantic haze that had taken over his mind. The bus back to his apartment came to a stop and he stared up at it numbly. He couldn’t face Hakuei now. The thought of telling his lover he’d lost the only real source of income he had, trivial as it had been, made his stomach quiver again. He turned away, hearing the door hiss shut behind him, and began to walk.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Hours went by as Kyo walked through the city, people and streets and buildings passing in a blur as his thoughts spun fitfully. The sky had just started to darken when he found himself in front of a familiar squat building with blinking neon signs. He wasn’t due on stage for a while yet, but where else did he have to go? He passed the bouncer with a half-hearted wave, slinked listlessly into the tiny backroom he used for dressing, and locked himself in. With slow, deliberate motions he undressed, throwing his fancy English clothes carelessly onto the floor until he stood nude in the center of the tiny room. For a long time, he let his mind wander freely as he stared with glazed blue eyes into the mirror.

_‘I can’t believe he actually fired me…’_

_‘Hakuei’s going to be so pissed…’_

_‘How much money do I have saved?’_

_‘Shit… maybe fifty thousand, if that? My part of rent is thirty thousand… shit…’_

_‘Was that convenience store still hiring?’_

_‘He really fired me… I can’t fucking believe it.’_

_‘I can’t ask Mom for money, she’s the one that told me living out here was so hard!’_

_‘Hakuei is going to be so fucking pissed…’_

_‘Don’t think about the tea shop. Don’t think about Hakuei. Nothing exists now but the stage, the crowd, the music.’_

The thoughts and worries that typically buzzed around his mind like a horrible swarm of bees went blessedly silent when he sang, and he craved that silence now more than ever. Shaking himself, repeating the last, stern thought over and over, Kyo went into motion.

From a small duffle bag he kept in the room, he drew a baggy pair of black jeans, a lightweight button-down jacket, and a pair of black and white creepers. He normally went shirtless to avoid overheating under the heavy lights on the stage, but the last thing he wanted was a club full of people staring at the stark white bandages that covered his wrists. Those particular sins were personal. He wore the jacket opened and off of his shoulders, covering only the lower half of his back and his forearms. Practiced hands applied heavy foundation and concealer, bold, striking black eyeshadow and pale nude lipstick, giving himself a wild, undead sort of look.

With every piece of clothing pulled on, every stroke of make-up applied, and every piece of hair teased and pulled into a wild spike, the blonde felt himself strengthen. The more he thought of his show, the more his heart thumped eagerly in his chest, no longer huddling with stress at the base of his throat, and his belly fluttered with anticipation rather than fear. On the stage, he was powerful. He was loved and lusted for, he controlled the crowd and they worshiped him for it, he spilled out his soul and they lapped up every bit of him hungrily, adoringly.

As much as he wanted to smoke to steady his flighty nerves, a glance at the clock told him that showtime was drawing near. He moved to the stage stairs as the club floor went dark to herald his arrival, only the red lights above the bar remaining for the bartenders. With a deep breath, his shoulders rolled back, shedding their fatigued slump like water as he strode confidently into his place. Taking up the microphone as a haunting, electronic tune started up around him, the strain of anxiety left his face replaced by a wicked smile and burning eyes. Bass and drums began to thrum, and Kyo growled, the sound echoing thickly through the room. He gathered himself up, rocking with the thrumming, and leapt abruptly, tucking his feet against himself as he reached the peak of his jump and slamming them into the stage when he descended.

_“Now!”_

Guitars joined in a powerful cascade, and the lights flared with them, illuminating the crowd and causing them to scream in anticipation, the open dance floor surging with bodies. Taking a deep breath, letting go of everything that made him ache inside, Kyo brought the microphone up to his lips, his voice harsh and intense.

_“I can feel the animal inside, my resolve is weakening. Pounding at the doors of my mind, it’s nearly overpowering! I cannot begin to describe the hunger that I feel again. Run if you intend to survive, for the beast is coming to life, taking form in the glimmer of this tainted moonlight.”_

The music slowed to a subtle backdrop, allowing Kyo’s voice to echo powerfully through the room-

“ _Death approaches on this night!_ ”

-then picked up again, wicked and wild. The blonde’s body writhed and twisted as he went into the chorus with a feral grimace, leaning over the edge of the stage to snarl at his crowd.

_“For the animal’s soul is mine – we will be completed right before your eyes. I have no control this time, and now we both shall dine in Hell tonight.”_

**~*~**

After the smoke break following his performance, Kyo slipped quietly through the club and slid into a stool tucked inconspicuously at the end of the bar. A willowy man with shoulder-length auburn hair appeared on the other side of the counter almost immediately with a small ceramic cup and a matching carafe that steamed profusely. Though Kyo generally avoided alcohol – ever since a serious case of alcohol poisoning a little over a year ago – he harbored a fondness for hot honeyed sake, in which this particular bartender periodically indulged him. His friend even boiled the drink a bit for him to dull the effects of the alcohol.

Kyo filled the small cup and held it lightly in one hand, gesturing with the other to the DJ station at the other end of the room as he spoke with a raspy voice. “Kouji said you were looking for me, and now you’re buttering me up with sake. What’s up, Shinya?”

A sly smile crossed full lips, and one large eye winked playfully as the man retreated to tend to other patrons. “You seemed a bit down tonight. I just wanted to give you a moment of peace before you were besieged.”

“‘Besie-’SHIT!” Kyo growled, struggling to keep his cup steady as long arms were flung around him from behind and a narrow chest slammed into his back. “Goddamn it, Die! I thought you had tonight off.”

“I do! I came in just to see you, Kyo- _chan_.”

Kyo elbowed his friend viciously, knowing the taller man would hardly notice. The smell of beer had washed over him, and he knew Die was happily drunk for the evening. “Don’t call me that.”

“Ah! You’re no fun! Ever since you went sober, you’re just so serious all the time. You’re turning into Shinya! Drink your sake and be fun again.”

“It’s boiled, Die.”

Die wasn’t listening. His already impossibly tall body was stretched even longer, using Kyo’s shoulder to keep himself steady as he balanced on his toes and waved one arm enthusiastically. “OVER HERE! I FOUND HIM! Kyo, this is the guy I wanted you to meet.”

The blonde hunched over the bar with a groan, resigned to his fate, and went back to his sake. It was just a little too hot, and the honey made it decadently smooth while the remaining trace of alcohol warmed him from his heart out to his fingertips. It soothed both his sore throat and his frayed nerves. Shinya always knew just what Kyo needed.

“There you are. Here, this is the infamous Kyo Nishimura! Kyo, this is Kaoru Niikura, your biggest fan,” Die announced cheerfully, using the arm still wound around the blonde’s shoulders to spin his stool around.

Kyo nearly choked. The man from in front of the tea shop, the man he had _vomited on in broad daylight_ , was standing before him. He was wearing a tank top now – black, with an elaborate cross design on the front – that revealed strong arms heavily tattooed from thin hands to lean, muscular shoulders. The blonde stared at the inked skin, his throat constricted.

‘Kaoru’ didn’t seem to recognize him, scratching the back of his head with an awkward smile. “Ah, hi.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s seen every one of your shows! We’ve been drinking together all night, he showed up super early to get a good seat!”

“Oh, come on now, Die, you make me sound like some kind of stalker.”

Kyo’s gaze rose from its perusal of the gravestones on the man’s forearms to look into the sharp face, careful to keep his voice steady. “Aren’t you?”

Dark eyes blinked, recognition dawning. “…Blue Eyes?” The man’s smooth voice had an easy laugh. “Wow… I guess I really look like one, huh?”

Die was confused. “You guys have met already?”

“We… ran into each other earlier today,” Kaoru explained, flashing Kyo a faint wink. “I’ll admit, I didn’t even recognize you all prim and proper in a suit jacket and little boy shorts.”

Die’s raucous laugh made Kyo flinch a little. “You saw him at the tea shop!”

With that, the ice had been broken. Usually the people that Die brought to meet him were either awkwardly shy, or insultingly forward. Kaoru could hardly be shy after the blonde had thrown up on him, and after seeing him flustered and dolled up like a schoolboy, understood that Kyo’s wanton stage presence was not all there was to him. The older man settled into the stool next to him, Die remained draped over his back, and Shinya returned periodically to join in one of the most oddly comfortable conversations Kyo’d had in a long time.

At one point, Shinya brought Kaoru a refill for his dark beer. Kyo had since run out of sake, and Kaoru offered to buy him a new drink, but Die interrupted with a hearty laugh. As Shinya filled the usual red tea mug, the redhead launched into the story of the blonde’s birthday party just over a year ago, when participation in a rowdy, very competitive drinking game had resulted in Kyo taking an ambulance to get his stomach pumped. Kaoru’s eyes sparkled with curiosity as the blonde hid his face behind one hand. Die was one of his dearest friends, but he swore if he heard that story one more time, he was going to strangle the redhead and throw his corpse into a river.

“-and the nurse comes out to tell us, you know, Kyo’s not dead or anything, and the guy’s just _covered_ in puke! He’s trying so hard to pretend it doesn’t bother him, but his face is all white and he keeps making this weird gurgling sound-”

“Am I interrupting?” The low voice, almost too soft to be heard over the noise of the club, made Kyo stiffen.

Die straightened, his grin as bright as ever. “Oh hey, Hakuei, right? I haven’t seen you in forever! How long have you been here, did you see Kyo’s show?”

The man smiled as he moved gracefully to take Die’s place at Kyo’s back. “Of course. I forget sometimes what you can do with that voice, Sugar, and hearing you scream my name last night reminded me, so I thought I’d swing by.”

The blonde relaxed a bit when he couldn’t detect any of the jealousy he’d expected; his lover was usually very possessive and Die had been in a somewhat compromising position. The blatant revelation of his sexual preferences was somewhat galling, almost certainly intended to make a point in front of his friends, but he wouldn’t start anything over it and Hakuei knew it. A surreptitious glance in Kaoru’s direction sought to gauge the man’s reaction to the new information. So far, his friendly smile was unwavering over the rim of his beer glass, his sharp eyes still bright with interest.

“Hakuei, you remember Die and Shinya. And this is Kaoru,” Kyo supplied.

“How could I forget?” Hakuei nodded cordially to Shinya and Die, then looked to Kaoru with a sharply curious gaze. “Kaoru, was it? Do you work here too?”

“Not exactly.”

“Nah, he’s a _fan_. He comes all the way across town every weekend just to see Kyo-chan’s show,” Die said teasingly, pulling up another stool for himself. “He’s getting all famous, you know!”

“Is that right?” The arms around Kyo’s waist tightened ever-so-slightly. “You never told me you were famous, Baby. You have _fans._ ”

Blue eyes narrowed just a sliver. Hakuei’s voice was somehow cold, all of a sudden. He spoke carefully. “Don’t listen to Die. He’s drunk; it makes him dumber than usual.”

“Hakuei, can I get you something to drink?” Shinya asked politely.

“No thanks, I think I’m going to head home for the night. You coming?” the taller man asked, nudging his blonde lover.

Kyo slid out of the stool, shouldering his bag. “Aa… goodnight, guys.”

“Awww, man! Are you sure?” Die sulked. “I was really hoping you could hang out for a while…”

“Sorry, Die. I’ll see you guys next week.” The blonde smiled slightly, following Hakuei’s lead as he headed toward the door.

A hand caught his wrist, brushing against the gauze wound around it. Kyo looked back and found his gaze caught by intense chocolate eyes. Kaoru’s casual smile did not match the severity of his stare, nor did the easy tone of his voice. “It was a pleasure to meet you properly, Kyo. I hope we can do this again sometime.”

Kyo stumbled a bit when his arm was released, wide blue eyes still looking back over his shoulder as he walked away. “A-aa…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song described below _([The Animal](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lH799LhZnJI))_ is intellectual property of Disturbed, and I do not own any rights to it or profit from its use.


	5. Chapter 5

“Go wash that shit off your face,” Hakuei snapped, stalking into the kitchen for a beer.

Head bowed, Kyo shut the apartment door quietly behind himself and hurried into the bathroom to comply, if only to spare himself any further strife. The entire train ride home had been spent locked in a maddeningly pointless quarrel with Hakuei; trying to convince his lover of his fidelity, trying to avoid the wandering attention of other passengers. Both endeavors proved futile.

Seeing Die’s over-familiar arms around the blonde’s shoulders had been bad enough, the redhead’s relationship with Kyo having been a topic of contention between them many times in the past. Shinya only escaped the braided man’s attention because Hakuei had always found him too effeminate to be a threat. But the information that Kaoru – someone new, unfazed by mention of Kyo’s sexual preferences, and obviously attractive – had been regularly attending his shows had absolutely set the man off. By the time they got home, Kyo was near tears with frustration from trying over and over to convince Hakuei that he wasn’t sleeping with Die, or Kaoru, or anyone else.

Under the harsh, flickering light of the bathroom, Kyo stripped out of his sweat-dampened shirt and threw it aside bitterly. The faucet bubbled and hissed softly as long-fingered hands scrubbed his face roughly, then filled with water to rinse away the last traces of his make-up. As empowering as his stage get ups were, he felt just as vulnerable when he took them off. He looked up into the mirror, nose and eyelashes dripping, and took his contacts out with shaking hands.

He still hadn’t told Hakuei about losing his job, and with the older man’s mood already soured, he knew he simply couldn’t risk it. He had a little money saved up; he was sure they could get by for a couple of weeks while he looked for work. For now, his primary concern was soothing his lover’s temper before alcohol exacerbated it. Bare feet padded softly into the living room, dark gold eyes ignoring the blaring television screen to examine Hakuei’s body language. Closed off, angry, taking large gulps of cheap beer, glaring with unseeing eyes at the TV.

The man’s mood was salvageable, Kyo decided, but he wasn’t happy about what he had to do to salvage it. He moved to stand in front of his lover, sinking slowly to his knees with his hands sliding over Hakuei’s denim-clad thighs. Dark, fuming eyes glanced down at him coldly. Kyo met the livid stare with a carefully yielding gaze. He tilted his head to one side, bearing his neck ever so slightly, and ran his tongue over his upper lip. Hakuei’s eyes softened a bit at the submissive posture, and heated up considerably at the suggestive gesture. He knew the docile position was galling – that Kyo’s pride seethed for having taken it – and that knowledge made it all the more enticing. His legs parted slightly and Kyo moved between them, keeping his eyes locked with his lover’s as he nuzzled and mouthed at the bulge in the taller man’s jeans. He could already feel the flesh beneath beginning to harden and throb, but he had to request permission to perform this service before he could take it any further. If he was too eager, too pushy, Hakuei would call him a whore and push him away. He had to be properly deferential for this to work.

The gentle touches and soft eyes were acceptable to Hakuei, and he spread his legs the rest of the way. Kyo took the cue and slid his hands up slowly, teasingly, to undo the taller man’s fly, easing his erection out of its confines. He lowered his eyelashes demurely and flicked his tongue lightly over the head of the heavy cock, pressing against the slit at the tip and wringing a soft hum from the man above him. A large hand threaded through his hair, gripping the back of his head lightly. Slowly, deliberately, he engulfed the entire length, taking his lover in to the hilt before applying powerful suction. Hakuei’s head rolled back with an indulgent groan as the blonde began bobbing, pulling up to swirl that damnably soft tongue around his head then diving back down to swallow him whole.

When the taller man broke into soft panting, Kyo began to hum deep in his throat, the tip of his tongue dragging along the base of his lover’s erection. Thin hips began to rock steadily against the soft mouth and the suction increased, the blonde pulling back just enough to lap up the precum that was beading the tip of Hakuei’s arousal. When Kyo felt thin braids brush against the back of his neck and the hand in his hair tighten viciously, he relaxed his throat to receive the hot spurts of cum the older man shot into his mouth, and swallowed obligingly.

After a moment, the hand on his hair released its tight grip and stroked through the soft blond tresses fondly. Dark gold eyes rose as the blonde released his lover’s spent member and slid up to nuzzle the older man’s flat stomach. Kyo was rewarded for his efforts when black eyes opened, soft with affection, and Hakuei flashed him the indulgently sexy smile that had won the blonde’s heart.

“I love you, Haku.”

“Love you too, Beautiful. C'mere.”

Long arms guided Kyo off the floor to straddle thin hips, and when he settled he was met with a gentle kiss. The blonde wound his arms around Hakuei’s neck and rested his head on the older man’s shoulder with a content sigh. One large hand rubbed his back absently as his lover relaxed into the couch and set about flipping through the television for something to watch. For a long time, the only sound in the apartment was the senseless chatter of game shows, cartoons, and late night infomercials as both men settled into a comfortable, sleepy sort of lull.

Hakuei nudged a pierced ear with his nose, breaking the silence. “You sounded good tonight.”

Kyo smiled against his lover’s shoulder, a pleased blush staining his cheeks. “You really think so?”

“Mmhmm. You were sexy as hell up there, too. I bet everybody in that dive wished they had you for themselves.”

Kyo tightened his arms. “If they saw you, they’d know they don’t stand a chance.”

Hakuei smiled languidly. “Mm… You have tomorrow off?”

“Aa… I always get Sunday and Monday off for my voice to come back.”

“You want to go do something? The weather’s getting nice; we could go to the beach…” Hakuei’s voice was sweet and wheedling. He knew how much the younger man loved the ocean.

Kyo sat up abruptly, eyes bright. “Really?”

“Mmhmm.”

The blonde bit his lip eagerly and the older man laughed, planting a light kiss on the tip of a round nose. All of the frustration and bitterness and jealousy from before was lost and forgotten for the moment, and Kyo let himself believe that the contentedness he felt was all there was and ever would be between them from then on.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

With a heavy heart, Kyo dragged himself off of the train and started the walk down to the club. He’d spent a full week trying to find a new job, and today’s interview had given him a taste of hope only to mercilessly smack him back down when he was told, yet again, that he wasn’t what they were looking for. He planned to ask the club owner tonight to give him the stage for three nights a week while he looked for work, but on top of destroying him physically, even that wouldn’t keep him afloat much longer. After paying his part of rent, he had enough for another week, maybe two if he skipped a few meals, before his bank account went dry. He still hadn’t told Hakuei that he’d lost his job at the tea shop, hoping that he’d have replaced it before it became an issue.

What he craved right now was a thorough shower and a nice, long soak in a hot bath until it was time to head downtown for his set. But he’d gotten a text from Shinya earlier, asking to meet him in front of the bar shortly before his shift, and Kyo could hardly say no to the younger man with how rarely he initiated contact. It seemed like it might be important. So here he was, leaning against the brick face of the club, glaring at the cement of the sidewalk and wishing for a distraction from his sour mood. Only a few minutes ticked by before a familiar voice calling his name caused the blonde to stir. He waved his arm high in the air to help his taller friend spot him.

“Ah! There you are.” Shinya was, as usual, chipper yet serene; one of Kyo’s favorite qualities in the man. He was almost always in a good enough mood to be pleasant company, but without being overbearing.

“What’s up, Shin? You work in like… fifteen minutes, so I know you’re not looking to hang out.”

“Hear me out before you get upset, okay? Die and I noticed you’ve been kind of down lately, so we thought we’d get you a vacation. We told everyone you have laryngitis, so you won’t be able to sing this week.” When Kyo’s eyes widened, horrified, Shinya held up one hand. “ _We also_ knew you’d be too worried about money to enjoy the day off, so we set up a collection jar at the bar for you, like a ‘Get Well Soon’ fund. The other bartenders and the servers put in their tips, and some of the regulars chipped in as well.”

Shinya fished a thick envelope out of his pocket and handed it to the stunned blonde. Kyo opened it numbly and stared down at the wrinkled, beer-stained bills in absolute shock. “Shinya… there’s like a hundred thousand yen here!”

Kyo wondered if he was stuck in the middle of a particularly cruel dream. He didn’t think he’d ever held so much money in his life, and Shinya was just handing it to him?! There was no way he could have possibly done anything to deserve friends that cared about him this much.

“Somewhere around there, yeah. The boss even chipped in a couple thousand and told me to tell you he hopes you feel better soon. These are from Die and I.”

Kyo accepted the two thick strips of paper with numb hands. He had to read the text on them three times before the words registered. “The… the horror marathon?”

Shinya smiled and wagged one long finger at him. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you ogling the flier they put up on the bulletin board.”

“Shinya this is too much! I can’t take these,” Kyo protested, looking up at his friend with somewhat frightened shock on his face.

“It’s not optional.” The younger man’s voice was abruptly stern. “The people that put money into the jar put it there specifically for you and would be very upset to hear that you didn’t get it. And you know Daisuke would be just heartbroken if you turned down those tickets, he was very excited about getting them for you. Now you’re going to go to the movie theater, buy yourself some snacks, and watch that gory trash you love so much with a friend. We want you to have a fun, relaxing Friday night.”

“I… fuck.” Kyo clutched the papers to his chest with one hand and used the other to give Shinya a brief hug. “ _Thank you_ , Shinya. And Die. Everyone. I mean it.” He pulled back quickly, embarrassed. Neither he nor his skinny friend were generally physically affectionate people in public, but he needed the younger man to know how much the gift meant and words were failing him at the moment. “I hate to say it, but… I’m not sure I have anyone to give the other ticket to. Hakuei is working and you and Die are the only other people I would normally ask.”

Shinya wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t go even if I weren’t working. I don’t know how you can stand those horrible films. But don’t worry, we figured you might say that and someone else volunteered to be your ‘date’ for the evening. Ah, and speak of the devil.”

The taller man’s eyes shifted to something just behind Kyo’s left shoulder, and the blonde turned to follow his gaze. He was more than a little surprised to see Kaoru Niikura approaching them, and the man still made his heart constrict just a bit. Something about him was threatening, somehow, almost… hungry _._ The prospect of being alone with him was almost a little scary, and Kyo typically did not scare easily. What if he _was_ some kind of crazy stalker?

Kaoru’s casual attire did a little to soften the intensity of his face. He wore a simple black wifebeater under an open button-down shirt and close-fitting black jeans. A flash of reflected light drew Kyo’s eyes to the small, gothic silver cross hung on a chain around the older man’s neck.

His smile was relaxed as he came to a stop next to them. “Sorry, am I late?”

“Not at all! I do have to head off to work though. I’ll see you both later.” Shinya put a hand on Kyo’s shoulder and leaned down to whisper, “Have fun _._ ”

Kyo watched Shinya walk away until his petite frame disappeared into the club before turning somewhat reluctantly to look at Kaoru. He was too polite to try to excuse himself after Shinya and Die went to so much work to set up a day off for him, or to let Kaoru know that he found him creepy and intimidating. As hard as he tried to focus on the memory of the relaxed conversation they’d had at the bar, the feeling of the man’s thin fingers gripping his wrist and dark eyes burning into his own at the end of the night was what kept popping up in his mind. The blonde quickly dropped his eyes to glare at the sidewalk as silence stretched between them in the wake of Shinya’s departure.

Kaoru scratched the back of his head, giving an awkward smile. “So! Ah… I heard they might be showing Baptism of Blood at this thing! I liked the manga a lot, but I never got to see the movie.”

Kyo perked – just a bit – with interest. “You read the manga?”

“Yeah, I have most of Kazuo Umezu’s work. I’m missing a few volumes of Cat-Eyed Boy, though. I’m more into Gundam series than horror usually, but Umezu’s stuff is always really well done.”

“Y-… yeah, I like him too…”

Kyo wondered, in some distant corner of his mind, if Die had coached Kaoru before this meeting; held some sort of Intro to Dealing With Kyo class. But neither Die nor Shinya shared his love of horror movies and manga, or various sci-fi anime series, so it didn’t seem likely that they would advise Kaoru to mention them. It just wasn’t something that came up often.

“Well, there’s some time before the marathon starts. Do you want to get dinner? My treat,” Kaoru offered.

“Ah… sure." Kyo sighed, resigned. "What did you have in mind?”

Kaoru’s head tipped back to eye the grey sky overhead. Dark clouds threatened rain, and the wind that periodically tugged at his hair was crisp. “On a day like today, a hot pot dinner sounds nice. Shall we?”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Settling down on either side of a large metal bowl filled with slowly-heating broth and spices, Kyo and Kaoru found that without Die’s boundless enthusiasm to keep the conversation moving, awkward silences stretched frequently and heavily between them. Kaoru was obviously curious about Kyo, and tried to get the blonde to open up with casual questions, but Kyo was still worried that Kaoru was an actual stalker, and every innocent question turned into an interrogation in his mind. Every inquiry was met with a vague, carefully guarded response. They looked over their menu options with thick tension weighing down the air around them.

Kyo sighed a bit, wistfully, when he looked over the soup portion of his menu.

“Is something wrong?” Kaoru asked, looking over the top of his own booklet with a curious frown.

“No, just… a little homesick. They have white miso here, but I haven’t found anywhere in this city that makes it quite right…”

“White miso, huh? I thought I heard a bit of a Kyoto accent. When did you move to Tokyo?”

“I guess… three years ago now? I’m still not really used to it.”

Kaoru noticed the small opening in Kyo’s reticent defenses, and pushed forward carefully, “What’s Kyoto like? I’ve never been.”

Kyo’s smile was sweet and sincere, eyes hooding halfway as he stared absently through his menu. “It’s beautiful. It’s slowly becoming more modern like here, but a lot of it is still temples and shrines and old-fashioned townhouses with all kinds of ancient maple and cherry blossom trees growing everywhere. We lived on the edge of the Gion district and all the buildings in our neighborhood were still the traditional style. There are festivals all the time, and there was a Buddhist temple down the street that grows the best kyouyasai you’ve ever had.”

Kaoru rested his chin in one hand, fascinated. “You lived in Gion? That’s the geisha district, isn’t it?”

“Mmhmm. My mother’s family has been weaving kimono for generations, and she and my grandmother still do.” Kyo looked proud. “They make the best kimono in all of Japan.”

“Your name is spelled with the same kanji… are you named for Kyoto?”

Kyo’s face fell and he looked away a little. “I took the name in recognition of my hometown, yes, but… it’s not my given name.”

Kaoru was baffled by that. “Not your given… what is your name then? Why take a different one?”

At first, it seemed like Kyo wasn’t going to answer, brooding for a long moment before replying in clipped tones, “My mother named me Tooru. After my father.”

There was a long, uncomfortable silence then, and Kaoru regretting pushing the question. Kyo was scowling and sitting with his shoulders hunched just a little, defensively, as if he was worried Kaoru would keep asking questions, and the older man felt a bit guilty for upsetting him so much. He could tell it was a sensitive topic and mulled on it as their food was delivered, waiting for the waitress to leave before speaking again.

“I’ve always wanted to see the Gion Festival one day,” he mentioned carefully.

“…You should. It’s a lot of fun,” Kyo mumbled, gaze still averted.

“You’ve probably seen tons of times though, it’s not boring?”

Dark gold eyes flashed with pride. “Never! The days before the parade, my mother and Gran open up the house to festival-goers and let them inside to see the old kimono that have been passed down in our family. It’s the only time they ever bring them out, and they’re _amazing_ , I love seeing them. And downtown, they block off the streets for floats and food stands and everyone dresses up.”

It was a narrow save, but Kaoru was careful to avoid any other pitfalls like the first, and kept the conversation going steadily throughout dinner. By the time their meal was finished, Kyo was at ease around the other man and his excitement for the horror marathon was beginning to show in his light step and bright eyes as they left the restaurant. The heavy spring sky had broken into a light rain, and they ended up running down the street to the theater to avoid getting wet.

Sinking into plush seats in the center of the theater, they huddled in the dark and basked in just over six straight hours of bloodcurdling screams, gruesome deaths, and chilling suspense. More than once, while other people in the audience were gasping and screaming, Kyo was cheering on the bad guys and monsters, and Kaoru had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing at the blonde. Kyo had to bite his tongue several times as well, when Kaoru would reach forward to lightly brush a hand over the hair of the overly-flighty girl sitting in front of them. The poor woman would scream and whip around every time, eyes wide, but Kaoru would already be sitting back in his seat, eyes fixed on the screen.

When at last the screen went dark and the lights came back on, Kyo was nearly bouncing with exhilaration as he recounted his favorite scenes. The older man had a wide grin fixed firmly across his sharp face as they meandered out of the theater. Kyo was gripping a truly hideous plush monster toy that Kaoru had coaxed out of a game machine for him, and his long fingers were crushing the poor thing with the force of his exuberance. They came to a stop in front of the club, intending to drop by and visit Shinya and Die, and found the whole place empty and dark.

“What the hell?” Kyo flipped open his phone to check the time and sputtered, scandalized. “Holy shit! It’s past two in the morning!”

“Is it really?” Kaoru looked at his watch, eyebrows high. “Hell. So it is.”

“Damnit, I’ll have to catch a taxi,” Kyo sighed, chewing his lower lip. The last trains out of the city stopped at midnight, and wouldn’t start up again until five-thirty in the morning.

Kaoru was already flagging one down with one arm. When the vehicle pulled up to the curb in front of him, he held the door open for Kyo with an exaggerated bow. The blonde snorted and put one foot in before looking back up at the older man.

“I… guess this is goodnight?”

“Aa. Thank you for letting me accompany you, it was a lot of fun.”

“Thanks for dinner, and the doll. I’ll see you next week, at the bar?”

Kaoru’s eyes looked black in the shadow of the streetlamps. With the roof of the car blocking the driver’s view, he leaned in close enough for his lips to just barely brush the edge of Kyo‘s ear, voice low as he whispered, “Count on it.”

Kyo stiffened, eyes wide, at the sudden intensity and invasion of his space. Kaoru moved away casually, leaning in to murmur something to the cab driver before walking away. The blonde watched the man’s retreating back for a long moment before slowly sinking into the back seat of the taxi and giving the driver his address. The trip home was a blur, Kyo’s heart throbbing in his throat as one hand came up to touch the still-tingling flesh of his ear. What the hell was that? When he tried to pay the cab driver, the man waved a hand and explained that it had already been taken care of, and he was stunned as he watched the car pull away.

When he crept into the apartment, Hakuei was already in bed and snoring softly. Kyo undressed and slipped into bed, pressing his forehead into a lean chest when one of the man’s long arms wrapped possessively around him. Even in sleep, the older man could hardly contain his jealous nature. Wrapped in his lover’s strong arms, the blonde drifted off into fitful dreams of predatory eyes and an ornate silver cross flashing in darkness filled with sinful whispers.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

_“Hakuei… it’s **amazing!** It’s so huge!”_

_“Isn’t it, though?”_

_The apartment they were standing in was a barren thing, cold with fall chill and utterly devoid of life. Some of the walls had spiderweb-thin cracks spanning their surfaces and all of the doors squealed when moved. All of the porcelain fixtures in the kitchen and bathroom were stained the faintest shade of yellow with age and the windows rattled thinly whenever a particularly strong burst of wind picked up outside. But to Kyo – young and hopelessly in love with the man beside him – it seemed full of beautiful possibilities. His mind twisted wildly between want for the place and what it represented, and nervous fear for what it would change in their relationship._

_“Haku… we’ve been together for barely more than two months. Are you sure it isn’t a little early to be moving in together?” he wondered softly._

_Hakuei wrapped a braid around one finger idly, sighing. “It **is** a bit fast. But your apartment is a cracker box, and after what happened to your neighbor last week, I don’t want you living in that dump anymore. Besides,” he smirked, wrapping his arms around the blonde’s waist and butting their foreheads together, “I’m selfish, and I want you all to myself all the time.”_

_Kyo bit his lip, fisting his hands in the front of his lover’s shirt. He wanted this more than anything, but it **was** fast and apartments in downtown Tokyo were not cheap. “How could we ever afford it?”_

_“We can make it work, no worries! I can pick up a couple extra shifts at the shop if things get too tight, but between the two of us, we make enough. Come on, Beautiful,” Hakuei wheedled, nudging his nose insistently against the younger man’s, “Move in with me? I want this place to be our home.”_

_“Home…?” Kyo breathed, closing his eyes._

_Hakuei was so sure of himself, so sure of **them** , the blonde couldn’t help but believe in all of his lover’s bravado. It wasn’t too soon; they knew they were in love, and they didn’t need to waste time pussyfooting around it. It wasn’t too expensive; they both worked and as long as they weren’t wasteful with their money, they would be perfectly fine. This would be their home, where they could relax and be safe and happy together, and nothing would ever go wrong._

_Burnt gold eyes snapped open and Kyo looked up at Hakuei with eager determination. “Alright, let’s do it!”_

Kyo left the apartment soon after Hakuei went to work on Monday, just to keep himself from going crazy being cooped up all day while his lover was at work. He had filled out a couple more applications already, and called back some places that he’d applied to the previous week, but prospects were looking grimmer every day. No one wanted a bleach-blonde, heavily tattooed, high-school drop out with limited job experience, particularly one that refused to work Friday and Saturday nights. Now, sitting on a park bench watching people walk by with, he closed his eyes and tried to fight off the feeling of impending disaster.

_‘I’m so fucked…’_

_‘At least with the money Shinya gave me, I have a little more time, but…’_

_‘Goddamn it.’_

_‘Hakuei’s going to be so pissed.’_

_‘We’re going to lose our apartment!’_

_‘We’ll be homeless, and it’ll be my-’_

His cell phone rang abruptly and he jumped a little. The number on the screen wasn’t one he recognized, and he wondered bitterly if it was another employer calling to tell him the position he applied for was already filled. He wasn’t completely sure he could handle anymore disappointment. After a moment, he sighed and flipped the device open to answer.

“Hello, this is Nishimura.”

“Hey, Kyo? It’s Kaoru.”

“…Kaoru?

Kyo sat up on the bench, his curiosity piqued. After their trip to the movies the previous Friday, the blonde had spent many of his quieter hours pondering the oddly-intense farewell Kaoru had offered him. The more he had thought about that evening, the more sinister everything seemed. Why had Kaoru asked him so many questions at dinner? Why offer to take him out in the first place? He could still remember dark chocolate eyes staring him down, and the feather-light brush of thin lips over the outer curve of his ear. The memories chilled him. He couldn’t quite figure out if the older man was interested in him in a more-than-friendly way, or if Kaoru was just naturally intense at odd moments. Maybe it was just his personality?

Or maybe he was a creepy stalker, and Kyo was going to be murdered.

“How’d you get my number?” Kyo wondered.

A low chuckle. “Die and I were out drinking last night. He gave it to me.”

Kyo couldn’t really be surprised at that, though he would have to have a few choice words with his big-mouthed friend the next time he saw him. “He would… what’s up?”

“I was wondering, do you have today off, by chance?”

“Yeah… I guess you could say that.” Kyo chuckled a bit, giving in to the pressing need to confess. It wasn’t like Hakuei would ever talk to Kaoru, after all. “I, ah… well I kind of got fired from the tea shop last week. That was why I was throwing up in an alley.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry to hear that. Although, I guess it’s good to know that puking on strangers isn’t a regular pastime of yours.”

“I didn’t say that. Either way, I haven’t been able to find a new job yet, so yes, I suppose I have many days off now.”

“Are you up for hanging out? I’m downtown and free, so I thought you and I could go do something.”

“…Like what?”

~*~

_~beep, whirr… click!~_

“What the-?” Kyo looked up with a confused frown.

Kaoru was tucking a thin digital camera back into his rear pocket with a sheepish grin. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. You look so serious eating your ice cream.”

The blonde blinked and tilted his head, baffled. It was a beautiful day, and the first few flurries of cherry blossom petals were falling. Kyo was reluctant to do anything indoors during his favorite part of the year, so Kaoru had met him in the park shortly after their phone conversation. For spring, the weather was unusually warm, and they’d picked up ice cream from a stall, but Kyo was having trouble keeping his from melting all over his hand. He had been carefully and meticulously licking the treat into a more manageable state when he heard Kaoru’s camera go off.

Kyo narrowed his eyes and pointed an accusatory finger at the older man. “Yeah right. You just need another picture for your stalker shrine.”

“It’ll be a good shot for it, the way you were loving on that thing,” Kaoru responded with a wink.

“Oi!”

Kyo blushed and huffed a bit, but he was smiling. Kaoru in daylight was significantly less creepy than Kaoru at night, and the man was prone to goofy grins when he thought something was particularly funny. Kyo’s previous worries about the man being a stalker seemed silly and paranoid, and he’d all-but dismissed them entirely.

“You’re dripping again,” the older man warned, amused.

“Fuck!” Kyo hissed, trying to catch the mess before it hit his fingers.

“We can go back and get some napkins.”

“I don’t need a napkin!”

“No?”

A wisp of black fell into Kyo’s vision and he looked up, startled to find Kaoru’s eyes mere centimeters away from his own. He froze, air catching in his lungs. This close, he could smell Kaoru’s cologne – something dark and spicy, like burning herbs – and feel the older man’s breath across his face, cold and sweet from ice cream. The blonde just stared, wide-eyed, as a tattooed hand came up and ran a thumb slowly, boldly, over his lower lip and across one cheek. A pink tongue peeked out from behind thin lips to collect the streak of bright green cream from the digit, and Kaoru hummed contentedly.

“What… the…?” Kyo breathed.

“Hmm. Cactus flavor is better than I thought it would be,” the older man observed, turning and continuing his walk along the path. “I’ll have to remember that.”

Kyo stared after the man with his mouth slightly agape, oblivious to the thick streams of cold cream dripping over his hand. _‘He just… ate ice cream off my face. Fuck… is he flirting? With me?’_

A sharp spring breeze whisked across the park, swirling a blizzard of cherry blossom petals around Kaoru as he crossed a small wooden bridge. His hair was whipped up into the wind, lashing wildly about his face as he so calmly, so confidently ate his own strawberry-flavored treat. For just a moment, the man was transformed into something impossibly surreal and beautiful, and Kyo could hardly stand to look at him.

_‘Fuck…’_

“You coming?”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Long-fingered hands slowed to a stop as tired gold eyes rose, abandoning their focus on half-finished gyoza. Kyo’s gaze found its way to the window above the kitchen sink and was caught there, captivated, for a moment. Rain was battering the thin glass steadily, as it had been all day, and the persistent storm was wearing on the blonde’s mood. Everything outside the little window was so dull and grey; a miserable contrast to the sunny, clear sky he’d enjoyed at the park only two days before. He'd been caught in the mess while he was out that morning, and had indulged in a hot bath when he returned home. Now, wrapped in an old house robe with his hair almost entirely dry, he was warm and comfortable, but looking outside was still depressing. He sighed and went back to his task preparing dinner.

_‘Hakuei is so late coming home today…’_

_‘He must have gone out with his friends from the shop again.’_

_‘At least I know he’ll always come home in time for dinner.’_

He rolled out little circles of dough with a practiced motion.

_‘I guess I didn’t need to pretend to go to work today after all…’_

_‘Spent all day in the damn rain for no reason!’_

_‘Gods, I hate lying to him like that…’_

Dishes clinked together softly as he began to spoon filling into each dough shell, the smell of garlic and pork hanging enticingly in the air. A slow, heavy gust of wind howled past the window, plastering soggy cherry blossom petals to the glass. Behind him, he heard the doorknob rattle clumsily before a sharp crash echoed through the small apartment as the door hit the wall.

“I’m home!” a familiar voice called out, thick and slurred.

Kyo winced a bit and sighed. _‘He’s drunk…’_

“Welcome back.”

Heavy steps made old hardwood creak softly in tired protest as Hakuei crossed the living room and appeared in the kitchen doorway. A long, straight nose lifted to test the air curiously. Kyo paused and turned his head just enough to watch his lover from the corner of his eye, awaiting the verdict. The older man was temperamental when he drank.

Hakuei smiled languidly. “Gyoza smells great, Babe.”

Kyo relaxed a little and went back to his task folding each dumpling around the filling. “They’ll be done soon. I just need to heat them up and they’ll be ready.”

He heard the fridge open and bottles rattle. “You want a beer?”

“No, thanks.”

“You sure?”

“I don’t drink, Haku. You know that.”

The fridge shut a bit heavily.

“You used to drink with Die all the time, didn’t you?”

_‘Not this again!’_

“I used to drink with lots of people, but that was a long time ago. I quit because I got _alcohol_ _poisoning_ , before you and I met.”

“Hm.”

It could have ended there. Hakuei would sulk for a moment, worrying over Kyo’s relationship with Die, but he would get over it soon enough. He would go sink into the couch and nurse a few more beers until dinner was ready, then he’d eat some gyoza and watch game shows, and eventually stagger to the bedroom to pass out. Kyo would clean up the mess from dinner and shut off all the lights for the night. He would undress his lover for sleep, make sure the older man drank some water, and set out pain killers for the hangover that was sure to come in the morning.

It _should_ have ended there.

“Besides, you drink more than enough for the both of us.”

The moment the words left his lips, Kyo regretted them. His hands froze and his eyes went wide, and he turned quickly to face his lover. Hakuei was staring at him with an equal mix of shock and fury. A large hand came up to slowly, deliberately, twist the top off of the beer bottle with a soft hiss.

“H-Hakuei… I didn’t mean… it was a joke, I…”

Black eyes narrowed, and the older man moved forward. “I’m sorry, I’ve been so selfish. All this time, I’ve been drinking all of our beer, and I should have been _sharing_.”

Kyo tried to back up, and found himself trapped in the corner of the counter. “Haku, please, I- MPH!”

The bottle Hakuei had just opened was jammed abruptly in the blonde’s mouth as he spoke, and Kyo found himself choking and thrashing as cheap, bitter beer flooded his throat. He coughed, spraying frothy yellow liquid from the corners of his mouth, and tried to push Hakuei away frantically. Beer spilled down his chin and neck, soaking the front of his robe and Hakuei’s shirt as he fought to keep the hateful fluid out of his lungs.

The bottle disappeared momentarily and Kyo had just enough time for a single gasp of air before a heavy fist smashed against the left side of his face. He cried out and lost his footing, crashing to the floor. Hakuei was on top of him in a heartbeat, straddling his hips and pinning one of Kyo’s arms to the cabinet over the younger man’s head. The bottle was again forced between the blonde’s teeth and his eyes watered as he struggled against the invading liquid.

“Drink! You wanted it, don’t you dare fucking waste it!” Hakuei hissed viciously, teeth bared in a snarl. He released Kyo’s wrist to punch him again, causing the blonde’s lip to split against the bottle. “FUCKING DRINK IT!”

Kyo whimpered and closed his eyes, fighting to breathe through his nose and swallow the beer. Nausea surged within him as the memory of his time in the hospital getting his stomach pumped resurfaced, and he sobbed once, faintly. When the beer was gone, Hakuei released him and stood, allowing the blonde to cough and huddle against the floor. The taller man’s face twisted in disgust and he hurled the bottle into the cabinet scant centimeters from his lover’s head before stalking out of the kitchen.

Alone, Kyo curled into a miserable ball and writhed against the cool tile floor with a strained whimper. His stomach was rolling violently and he wasn’t sure he could resist the pressing urge to vomit. He was afraid that if he did throw it back up, it would only upset Hakuei further, and the fear drove him to clamp his hands over his mouth and focus everything he had on settling his belly. Crying quietly, he panted through his nose and tried to ignore the horrible taste in his mouth and the pressure at the back of his throat.

Time crawled on in a vacant haze, an hour passing as a moment and an eternity as the tears dried and the pain faded to dull, familiar throb. Kyo heard the shower come on from the other end of the apartment. He listened to the water running for a long time, mingling with the rain pattering against the window, and allowed the soft noises to settle his nerves. Even when the nausea wilted into a mild, manageable discomfort, he stayed curled up on the floor and listened to the soothing sounds.

The shower faucet squeaked as the water was cut off, and Kyo heard soft footsteps pad from the bathroom into the bedroom, and from there out to the living room. He stayed still and silent on the floor, unsure of his lover’s new mood and unwilling to do anything that might risk setting the older man off again. He felt more than he heard when Hakuei entered the kitchen again and knelt behind him. One large hand came out with surprising delicacy to brush his hair out of his face.

“Kyo?”

A long moment passed by before Kyo turned his head, slowly, to look up at his lover. Hakuei was looking significantly more sober, and his eyes were soft with guilt. He gathered Kyo into his arms and cradled him gently against himself, nuzzling into soft blonde hair.

“I’m sorry, Sugar,” he murmured, sighing. “I don’t mean to lose my temper so easily, you know? You just… you make me so _mad_ sometimes. Can you forgive me?”

“It’s… my fault,” Kyo whispered, curling his hand against Hakuei’s chest. “I don’t know why I said that, I… I really didn’t mean it…”

"I know you didn’t, it’s okay." Hakuei’s arms tightened around him. “I love you, Kyo.”

“I…” Kyo’s voice cracked a little, and he swallowed thickly. “I love you too, Hakuei.”

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Huddled deep in a hooded jacket, Kyo bustled down the sidewalk as fast as the crowd around him would allow. The rain that had started up on Wednesday had continued through to Friday morning, and though the weather meant fewer people were crowding the streets than usual, it was still a tight fit if one was in a hurry. His goal was only a few blocks from his home, but even such a short trip in the downpour left him fairly damp and somewhat irritable. Finally, with a sigh of relief and a shiver as warm air rushed to meet him, he ducked into a quiet café.

Scanning the booths lining the wall of the small building, he spotted a familiar head of glossy black hair and made a face as he went over to it. His own blonde locks were undoubtedly sticking out in a sloppy mess of damp spikes and frizz, and here Kaoru was without so much as a strand out of place. He should have known. Even wearing thick-framed glasses and clearly not having bothered to shave, the older man managed to look perfectly put together.

Kyo threw his jacket into the far corner of the seat and slid in after it, his jeans dragging reluctantly across the vinyl. “Hey.”

Kaoru’s eyes went just a little wide and he had to bite his lip to hold back a grin. “Oh… Hello, Kyo.”

“I don’t have an umbrella, alright!” Kyo sulked, trying to smooth his hair into place. “Geez, is it that bad?”

“Bad? Oh no, not at all, it‘s really quite… ah, actually, I think I won’t say.”

The blonde eyed his friend suspiciously. “You were going to say ‘cute,’ weren’t you?”

Kaoru winked. “Yes. But I remembered being warned once about ever calling you that to your face. You look like a kitten that fell into the bathtub.”

Kyo pulled one side of his mouth up into a decidedly un-cute sneer of disgust.

“I’m sorry I called you out into the rain,” the older man added, bowing his head a bit in apology. “If I had known it would cause you so much trouble, I’d have come to pick you up, or waited for a clearer day.”

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I would have been out in this crap today anyway.”

“Oh, really? Why-”

“Hello!” a high, falsely-cheerful voice cut in.

Their waitress was young and bubbly and Kyo found her cheer somewhat startling so early in the morning on such a dismal day. He was thankful for the interruption, though, realizing too late that he didn’t actually want to tell Kaoru about how he’d been leaving early every morning for a job he no longer had just to fool Hakuei. Just thinking about it turned his stomach; he couldn’t imagine what actually telling someone would be like. By the time they’d given their orders for tea, coffee, and breakfast, Kaoru had already forgotten the comment.

“So, you’re going to be singing again this week?”

“Aa.” Kyo nodded, then frowned. “That’s the hope, anyway. Unless Shinya and Die have been plotting against me again?”

Kaoru smiled. “Not that I know of. Are you happy to go back to it?”

“Always. If I could perform every day, I would.”

 _“_ Ah, I’ll admit, I would enjoy that as well.”

“You would come to see me sing every day?”

“Oh yes.”

“You’re not doing a very good job of convincing me you’re not a creepy stalker, you know that?”

Kyo was teasing, of course. He’d already decided that the older man was simply a little bit strange and that there was no malice behind his attentions. Though they’d only spent a couple of days together, everything he had seen of Kaoru spoke of someone that he could easily like and respect. The man was confident, but always polite, and had an easy smile that stripped a lot of the intensity from his features. For the most part, he seemed to share a lot of Die’s casual goofiness and jovial charm-

“Is that so? Should I try harder, then?” Kaoru head tipped down, casting his features in shadow as he smirked and leaned across the table, one hand coming out to trail fingers lightly under Kyo’s chin. “Or should I play the part?”

-until he said something like that.

Kyo bristled a bit, unsure of his friend’s intentions. “You… you know that I have a boyfriend, right?”

Kaoru’s smile became purely friendly again and he laughed a bit. “Of course! I met him once, you’ll recall, and he wasn’t exactly discrete. I have no intention of stealing you from him; I’m just teasing you, Kyo.”

Kyo flushed a bit, embarrassed. “Oh, I… sorry, Kaoru.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable!”

Once again, their waitress arrived with the most fortuitous timing to cut through another awkward portion of their conversation. Their beverages and meals were delivered with a brilliant smile and an exuberant promise to return shortly to check on them again, before the woman hurried off. Discomfort faded quickly in the presence of hot, good food, and Kyo hummed happily as he broke his hashi apart. Kaoru had informed him earlier, when inviting him out for breakfast, that he would be paying for them, and the blonde was looking forward to decent meal after a week of skimping on food to save money.

For the first few bites, they ate in comfortable silence. After a while, though, Kyo started to notice that Kaoru kept looking up at him with a curious sort of half-frown. The older man looked worried, like he wanted to ask Kyo something but wasn’t entirely sure if it was his business.

After catching a third troubled glance, Kyo frowned and sat up a bit. “What?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

Kaoru picked at his food, obviously choosing his words carefully. “Sorry, I was just curious… it looks like the left side of your face is a bit swollen.”

Kyo winced a bit. After the last argument with Hakuei, he hadn’t taken the time to ice his face where his lover had hit him. He could hide the bruises with minimal effort, but no make-up could disguise the subtle swelling of his flesh.

For a moment, he considered telling Kaoru what he’d always been too proud and too afraid to say out loud. Telling him that shortly after they’d moved in together, his lover had begun hitting him when their increasingly frequent arguments got too intense. That he was starting to be afraid to even be in the same room with Hakuei when he knew the older man had been drinking, because the alcohol shortened his temper so drastically. That more and more he found himself on his knees with a dick in his mouth, not because he wanted to be there, but because it was the only way he could stave off more violence. That he wondered sometimes if he hadn’t given Hakuei the wrong impression by sharing his masochistic tendencies with his lover, making the man think he wanted to be treated that way.

Kyo dismissed the idea quickly. He hadn’t known Kaoru long enough to be sharing such personal issues, and he didn’t want his newest friend to judge him. Besides, the fights with Hakuei were always his own damn fault, so he had no right to complain about them. If he could just quit being so argumentative and try harder to be the shy, quiet version of himself that the braided man had fallen for in the first place, there wouldn’t be so much strife in his home. And Hakuei had been so sweet and so loving with him the next day! The older man had come home early from work to make him dinner, and they’d spent hours together relaxing on the couch watching Kyo’s favorite anime, then soaked in the tub for a while, and followed it all with a night of tender, passionate sex.

“It’s nothing; I… wasn’t paying attention and had a bit of an accident in the kitchen the other day.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Kyo felt his stomach twist guiltily. It wasn’t a true falsehood, but it implied something so far from the truth that he couldn’t help but resent it. Another lie by omission, and he hated few things more than he hated liars. Maybe he should have just told his friend the truth? When he’d told Kaoru that he was unemployed, the man had been sympathetic, but he hadn’t pitied him and didn’t seem to judge him any differently for it. But could Kaoru understand something like this? Or would he just jump to conclusions about Hakuei, unable to comprehend the strain that keeping a lover like Kyo could put on a man?

“Hey, do you want to go do something after breakfast? Or are you busy?” Kaoru asked with a smile.

“Umm… yeah, I guess I don’t have to be anywhere until the show tonight. What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t know. Weather’s no good for anything outdoors, so… hey, I read in the paper that there’s a Star Wars exhibit visiting the museum downtown, is that something you’d be interested in?”

Kyo sat bolt upright in his seat, eyes wide with excitement, and Kaoru had his answer.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Another Friday had passed, and it was Saturday now. The past week had flown by in an emotional roller coaster that left Kyo’s head spinning. When he was at home, he was miserably depressed for still having not found a new job, and for still effectively lying to Hakuei about it. But whenever his lover was at work, Kyo _wasn’t_ at home. He was out with Kaoru, who proved to be excellent company in spite of his occasional disconcerting intensity. His newest friend had taken to inviting him on all sorts of day trips to museums, concerts, and amusements parks that kept the blonde from sinking too deep into his worries. Kyo wasn’t entirely convinced the older man wasn’t interested in him – even if he couldn’t imagine why he would be – but couldn’t help but feel comfortable around him.

Today, they had spent the entire afternoon at the zoo, and Kaoru had disappeared for a few minutes while Kyo’s attention was caught by a two-headed snake enclosure. The blonde hadn’t noticed his friend’s absence – or subsequent return – until he felt careful hands slide along the back of his neck. He had very nearly crashed into the older man when he jerked away from the glass and spun around, but Kaoru was already out of the way, grinning proudly. A new weight around his neck prompted Kyo to look down, and he had been shocked to find a small, painstakingly detailed silver scorpion hanging at his throat at the end of a simple black cord.

_“Sometimes you make me think of kittens. More often, you make me think of scorpions.”_

Kyo had been thrilled by the gift, as well as the comment he chose to take as a compliment. It was a reference to the conversation they’d had the previous week, and he was pleased that Kaoru didn’t always think of him as some soft, frail little creature. For the rest of their trip through the zoo, he could be counted on in quieter moments to be fiddling with the scorpion charm and smiling absently to himself.

Later, when he’d taken the stage at the club, he had removed all of his other necklaces to let his friend’s gift shine alone in the spotlight with him, and to show his appreciation, he’d opened his set with the song Kaoru had told him earlier in the week was his current favorite. The older man had looked surprised first, then delighted, and Kyo had been proud of his “thank you” gift. Now, as he climbed the stairs to his apartment on legs that still shook with fatigue, he ran his hand over the charm once more. It was so rare that he made new friends since moving to Tokyo, and he was feeling particularly blessed in those that he had.

_‘Shinya the recluse, Die the trickster, and Kaoru the stalker? Yes, they suit me nicely, I think.’_

Shaking his head with a wry smile, Kyo pushed into the apartment and dropped his bag with a soft thud by the door. He was surprised to find the place perfectly quiet; Hakuei should have been home long since, and the air was thick with the smell of alcohol that had not been present this morning. Why wasn’t the television on? Had Hakuei gone to bed already? The blonde felt a slight chill when he saw the large pile of empty bottles on the coffee table.

“I stopped by the tea shop today.”

Kyo’s head snapped up, startled by the low voice coming from the kitchen. Hakuei stood in the doorway, a half-empty bottle of beer dangling from irreverent fingers, his eyes glossy, mouth twisted with ill-concealed disdain. Kyo swallowed nervously. His lover was thoroughly drunk.

“I thought we could have lunch together, you know?”

“Ah… Haku, I…”

“’S funny, cause, they said you don’t work there anymore. That’s weird, right? They said you haven’t worked there for _weeks_. But when I come home, you’re not here either.” The bottle dropped with a dull thud to spill its fizzy, bitter contents across the floor, forgotten as its owner stalked across the room. “So I gotta wonder a few things. Like, when were you going to tell me you got fired? How did you plan to pay your half of rent? And, oh yeah, _where the fuck have you been going every day_?”

“I just wanted to… find a new job before I told you…” Kyo was backing away, hands raised defensively. His voice was raspy, and nearly inaudible from the strain of singing.

“And what’s this? It looks new.”

A large hand shot out, grabbing the scorpion pendant around the blonde’s neck and snapping it off with one hard yank for closer inspection. Kyo winced, both at the sting in his neck and at the jealousy burning in his lover’s dark eyes. When long, tattooed arms braced against the wall on either side of his head, he pressed back against the wall and shuddered as a long nose was thrust under his jaw, inhaling deeply.

Hakuei’s low voice was deadly soft. “That’s odd. That doesn’t smell like your cologne… and it sure as hell isn’t mine.”

Kaoru’s arm had found its way around his shoulders more than once during the day, and Kyo had allowed the friendly contact. That was proving to have been a dire mistake. His lover finding out that he had been fired was already bad enough; he couldn’t let Hakuei think he’d been cheating as well. He had to stop this conversation before it spiraled any further out of control.

Kyo reached up with both hands to touch lightly against his lover’s chest. “Haku, I- AGH!”

He cried out as one tattooed hand, his necklace wound through its fingers, came crashing down against the left side of his head, knocking him to his knees. Pain exploded from his ear and spread throughout his skull, robbing him of his ability to think for a moment. All he could think to do was throw one arm over his head in defense, but it was caught in a vice grip, dragging him back up the wall so Hakuei could stare him down.

“You’re out all goddamn day, everygoddamn day, you come back with jewelry, smelling like another man!” the taller man hissed. “ _Who have you been fucking, Kyo_ _?!_ ”

“No one!” Kyo cried, eyes watering as his left ear throbbed viciously, his hearing on that side dampened by a faint ringing. “I would _never-_ ”

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!”

The large fist came down again and Kyo screamed in pain, his legs going out beneath him as pain shot through his head. All that was holding him up anymore was the crushing grip on his wrist, straining terribly on his shoulder. He stayed hanging there, crying, lest his lover interpret an attempt to stand as some kind of retaliation. Something horrible had snapped in Hakuei and his face was a twisted mask of jealous rage. Kyo had never seen the older man like this, and he was terrified to do anything else that might set his lover off further. Hakuei growled something too low for the blonde to hear through the shrill ringing noise now blasting his ear and started to drag him toward the front door.

“Hakuei, stop! Please, I’m sorry!” Kyo’s voice was sharp with panic.

“I’M TIRED OF YOUR FUCKING LIES! You think you can fuck around behind my back all day while I’m at work busting my ass to pay for you?! You think you’re worth that?! I won’t live with a whore!” Hakuei snarled, throwing him out into the hall. “You stepped out, so you can _stay_ out, go live with one of your other boyfriends!”

“Haku, please don’t do this! I’m sorry! I swear I haven‘t been with anyone else!”

Kyo staggered to his feet, reaching out shakily to his lover. The furious man grabbed him by the shirt and _shoved_ , and he cried out as he went crashing backwards down the top flight of stairs to land headfirst in a horrible heap on the first landing. He groaned incoherently, struggling to form words and failing completely, and whimpered when something heavy dropped onto his chest. He faintly heard the door above slam shut and gave in to weak, terrified sobbing. His mind was swimming wildly from the multiple blows to the head, the pain in his left ear was blinding, and for a moment his limbs weren’t responding to his efforts to move them. Horrible thoughts of being brain damaged, deaf, or paralyzed flashed through his dizzy mind.

Finally, shaking limbs began to move, clumsily. Kyo pulled himself to his hands and knees, his bag falling off of his chest where Hakuei had thrown it. Gasping and whimpering, he dragged himself and the bag into the corner of the landing and huddled into it, groping for his phone. It was an effort just to press the send button twice to make the device redial the last number he’d called, and he raised it weakly to his right ear. Everything was becoming very light and faint, except the horrible ringing from the left that was getting louder and louder. His vision was fading in and out of focus, going dark around the edges.

“Hello?”

Shinya’s voice on the other line was a dull murmur. Kyo slurred unintelligibly into the phone, his voice a ghastly rasping whimper.

“Kyo? Kyo, are you there? What’s going on?” Shinya sounded worried.

Kyo tried to swallow before attempting speech again, but as his throat contracted, the throbbing in his ear _exploded_ with a sickening crunch. His vision went white, then black, and all he could do was scream as something hot and wet dripped down his neck. His phone clattered to the ground as his eyes rolled back into his skull and his body slumped in a graceless heap.

“Kyo? KYO?!”

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Several voices murmured quietly to one side, strained but forcibly quiet. A long, boney hand was gripping his own firmly, trembling ever-so-slightly. Unfamiliar blankets, thin and smooth, covered him, and the air smelled of chemical clean. His entire body – his head in particular – ached, but it was a dull and distant pain, fascinatingly far away. Tired as he was, these were concerning, foreign circumstances. He would have to wake up now.

Kyo’s face pulled into a tired frown as he forced his eyes to open and focus on the strange room around him. The wall in front of him was a very pale grey blue with a generic, boring painting of flowers hanging in a plain white frame. When he looked up, the lights were painfully bright, causing him to grunt in irritation and roll his head to one side, eyes squinting.

“Kyo! Shhh, you guys, he’s awake!” Shinya’s gentle voice called out.

“Shinya?” He peeked one eye open again, cautiously.

Kyo was confused. His friend was sitting beside the tall bed he was tucked into, holding his hand, but he sounded far away. And he looked so worried… The only time he’d ever seen Shinya so distraught was a year ago when his dog had gotten sick and had to stay at the vet overnight. What was upsetting him so much now?

“Mr. Nishimura, how do you feel?” a strange man in a white coat asked, moving forward to shine a pen light into Kyo’s flinching eyes.

“Ugn! Who the hell are you? Where am I?” the blonde slurred, raising one hand to block the obnoxious light. He blinked dumbly when he saw the tube connected to a thin needle taped into his wrist. “What the…”

“You’re in the hospital, Kyo. You called Shin and just started screaming! When we found you, you were unconscious and your ear was bleeding all over the place.” Die was standing at Shinya’s shoulder, looking terrified. “You wouldn’t wake up, we thought you were dead!”

“My… ear?”

The hand went up to the left side of his head and brushed over a thick gauze pad and tape. Memory came trickling back to him and he swallowed heavily, wondering how much his friends had figured out about what had happened. If they knew the truth of what happened between him and Hakuei… they would never understand. They would call the police, or worse yet, they would call his _mother!_ No, they couldn’t know that Hakuei had done this. They would never understand that it was Kyo’s own fault.

“It looks as though the damage was caused by your fall down the stairs. It was a trauma injury,” the doctor supplied. “Your hearing in that ear will be significantly reduced, but other than that, nothing appears to be broken, so you should be fine. You’re lucky; you could have broken your neck falling like that.”

“I… I see.”

“You’ll need to stay here for the night, but we can send you home tomorrow afternoon if you’re still doing well by then. Your friends already filled out your paperwork. Somebody will have to pick you up; you’re going to be on fairly powerful pain killers for a couple days and we can’t release you without a caretaker. Don’t sign any documents or make any important decisions for the next twenty-four hours, until the anesthetic completely wears off. If you have any questions or if anything changes, the button to your right will call the nurse. Please don’t hesitate to use it.” The man scribbled some notes onto the chart clipped to Kyo’s bed, and nodded to the other men in the room before leaving.

Die rushed to take his place at the side of the bed. “Kyo, what the hell happened? I tried to tell Hakuei you were hurt and he slammed the door in my face!”

Kyo looked away. He couldn’t stand the fear, relief, and confusion in his friend’s kind eyes. “We… we had an argument. He kicked me out and I… was upset, I guess I… I guess I fell down the stairs.” More lies. He disgusted himself.

Shinya was shocked. “He kicked you out? Why?!”

“I lost my job a while ago and didn’t tell him. He found out while I was… out today.” Kyo’s eyes narrowed painfully.

If only he hadn’t been late to the tea shop. If only he’d just told Hakuei the truth. If only he’d been able to find a new job in time. If only he hadn’t gone out with Kaoru.

 _‘If only I’d never fallen for such a jealous man._ ’

He pushed that thought aside firmly. It didn’t lead anywhere good, he knew.

“Oh Kyo…”

Kyo couldn’t stand the sympathy – the _pity_ – in Shinya‘s voice. “He was just upset that I was hiding it from him, he just… he just needs some time to cool off.”

“I might be able to help.”

Kyo jumped a bit, startled. He hadn’t noticed the third figure lurking so silently in the corner of the room. “Kaoru…?”

“He was still at the bar when you called. We were going to get drinks,” Die muttered, one large hand dragging over his face anxiously. The sight of his small friend, bandaged, hooked to an IV, and wrapped in hospital blankets, was putting an unbearable strain on his heart.

“If you need somewhere to stay, my place has an extra room. Just until you get back on your feet, of course.” The older man moved forward as he spoke, coming to stand at the foot of the bed. Kyo saw something in his eyes that made him look away. Kaoru looked entirely too knowing in that moment, and it made Kyo’s chest constrict in humiliation.

_‘He knows, or suspects… damn it, Kaoru, don’t look at me like that! Die and Shinya already pity me, not you too!’_

“I don’t want to impose…” the blonde mumbled.

“I wouldn’t offer if I thought you would.”

“I… I don’t…”

Kyo couldn’t think of a valid argument. Die’s place was too small for another person, and Shinya valued his privacy too much for the blonde to want to intrude on him. He couldn’t go home to Hakuei, and his only family lived in Kyoto. He couldn’t afford to go back there, even if he was willing to let his mother and grandmother to see him like this.

Kaoru’s voice was gentle, but left no room for debate. “You should sleep. I’ll be back to pick you up tomorrow, alright?”

“But I don’t…” Kyo’s protestations faltered as exhaustion washed over him. He sighed and deflated listlessly. “…Thanks, Kaoru.”

“The nurse looked the other way, letting us come in here so late, but we can’t stay. We just wanted to see you when you woke up… Call me when you get a chance, alright?” Shinya asked, tucking the blankets more securely around Kyo with a nervous, fretting sort of quickness.

“If you need anything, you can call any time,” Die added, putting an arm around Shinya’s shoulders to guide him out of the room. “Come on, Shin. You’re fussing…”

Kaoru followed at their heels and when the door shut behind him, Kyo sank into the thin mattress. His life was falling apart, but he was too drugged and too tired to care. His ear ached, but it was a distant, faded sort of feeling. His entire body felt heavy and before he even realized his eyes had shut, he was deep asleep.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Kaoru, as good as his word, had come to pick him up as soon the doctor gave him the go-ahead to leave the hospital. He had been given a laundry-list of care instructions and three rattling pill bottles before he was allowed to wheel Kyo out to the sleek black car he’d shown up in. The blonde had been silent through the whole thing, and spent the first twenty minutes of the drive out of the city staring out the window. Too much was changing too fast, and he wasn’t sure he could handle the strain.

Drugs softened the ordeal, at least, and he was able to sleep through the rest of the ride. When at last Kaoru shook him awake, he was stunned to find himself in front a very nice, ten-story building far outside the city. There was a doorman to let them in, and the entry area was a beautiful affair with shining tile floors and potted plants and walls of pristine windows. A large elevator carried them, smoothly and silently, to the top floor. The building was a tall skinny one, so each floor held only one apartment, but they were easily three times larger than what Kyo had shared with Hakuei.

“Here we are. Sorry it’s a bit of a mess, I couldn’t get my roommate to help clean up last night,” Kaoru said as he opened the door and stood aside to let Kyo in.

Kyo stood in the entryway, clutching his bag to his chest like a lifeline. There were a lot of _things_ in the large living area – manga, video games, magazines, DVDs and CDs, books – but they were all collected into neat stacks and in good condition. The flat screen television mounted high on the wall was huge, and Kyo could only imagine the power behind the surround-sound speakers carefully arranged around the large couch in front of it. Kaoru’s place was cluttered, sure, but it was _nice,_ and the blonde couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so poor. A brief, wild thought induced by too-powerful pain medication worried that his presence would dirty the older man’s home.

“Kaoru, it’s… it’s amazing _…_ ” Kyo breathed, eyes catching reverently on a beautiful, deep blue bass guitar on a stand in the corner. “Do you play bass?”

“Hm? Oh, that? No, that’s my roommate’s. I play guitar, though.” Kaoru spoke casually, gesturing to a gorgeous black and silver guitar half hidden behind an end table piled with books. It had to be custom-made; the style was so distinct yet unfamiliar.

Kyo was awed. He had tried his hand at several instruments, and though he could hold his own on an acoustic guitar, he had never found a true aptitude for it. He deeply respected people with the skill and perseverance to play musical instruments and when he thought about it, he wasn’t surprised that Kaoru would be one of those people. He kept staring at the living room, and the more he saw of his friend’s home, the smaller and more worthless he felt.

“Your roommate… is he okay with me staying here?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, don’t worry about Toshiya, he doesn’t mind. He’s almost never home anyways.” Kaoru looked at his watch and frowned. “Hey, I have to go take care of some things at the office. Do you think you’ll be okay here for a while?”

“Um…” Kyo was hesitant. Being in Kaoru’s home with the man he’d only known for a couple weeks was awkward enough. Being there alone was a nerve-wracking prospect. But he was already intruding on his friend more than he liked, he could hardly ask him to miss work as well. “Y-yeah, I’ll be fine.”

Kaoru smiled and set the papers and pills from the hospital on a table by the couch, “Alright. If you get tired, the last room on the left, at the very end of the hall, is yours. You’re welcome to anything in the kitchen, although… now that I think of it, I don’t think we have much on hand. Hell… I’ll stop by the grocery store on the way home, alright? Feel free to watch TV or read a book or whatever.”

“Aa, okay.” Kyo’s voice was softer than usual. He was out of sorts, and becoming quickly overwhelmed.

“Hey.” Kaoru’s thin hand caught Kyo under the chin and forced anxious eyes to meet his own. “It’ll be okay, Kyo. You can stay here as long as you need to. Just focus on resting and getting better.”

“…Thank you, Kaoru.”

The older man leaned in close, his gaze suddenly piercing. “And _he_ will never hurt you here. I swear it.”

The blonde flinched, eyes wide. “I don’t…”

The door clicked shut, and Kaoru was gone. Whispering a lie to an empty room felt more pathetic than he could stand, and the protestation died on his lips. He dismissed the invitation to read Kaoru’s books or use his television. They were too nice for him to mess with. He moved numbly down the hall to the last door on the left and slipped inside. The room was simply appointed with only a bed and a short dresser, but the large window had a bench built into the wall beneath it and filled the room with warm afternoon sunlight. The room obviously saw little use and the faint smell of dust tickled his nose.

The bed creaked softly as he sat on the edge, flipping his bag open and dumping its contents across the covers. His wallet, almost empty. A dog-eared book he’d already read a dozen times, and was halfway through reading again. A digital camera with a cracked screen and a dead battery. A squished cigarette carton with three smokes left inside. His music player, his cell phone, a small make-up bag, a compact mirror, a spiral notebook and pen. A strip of photo-booth photos of himself and Hakuei from their trip to the beach. The cheap plush monster toy that Kaoru had won for him what felt like so long ago.

These few items were all he had now, and he would have to make do with them for the time being, until he could regain his footing. No clothes. No money. Not even a damn toothbrush. He curled up next to the meager pile of belongings. The deep bruises from his fall down the stairs and his damaged ear were distant irritations, but the ache in his heart was a relentless pain.

_‘Hakuei…’_

_‘Hakuei, have you really stopped loving me?’_

_‘I was always faithful, I was!’_

_‘I’m sorry I lied… I’m so sorry…’_

_‘Can you ever forgive me, Hakuei?’_

_‘I swear, I never touched another man.’_

_‘It was only you… it’s always been only you…’_

_‘I’ve ruined everything…’_

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Night had fallen by the time Kyo stirred again. There was a brief moment of panic when he woke in an unfamiliar bed before his memories of the past day resurfaced. He stretched with a languid yawn, wincing at the dull ache in his muscles, and slid off the bed. His stomach gurgled plaintively. Though he was reluctant to take Kaoru’s food, he hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before, so he padded down the hall into the kitchen. The apartment was dead silent and as he searched the room, the soft sounds of his movements seemed overloud and invasive. He tried to ignore the feeling that he was intruding in someone else’s space.

“Fuck…”

Kaoru hadn’t been kidding; there was almost no food in the fridge, freezer, or cabinets. There were dubious condiments in the fridge, and in the freezer he found something that might once have been fish, but was too ice-burned to be sure. He supposed Kaoru and his roommate must either be not much good at cooking their own meals, or just too lazy to bother.

Finally, tucked behind a package of candied dehydrated squid, Kyo found a box of instant soup packets and he brightened considerably as an idea struck him. It was not a lavish meal by any means, but perhaps having hot food waiting when he got home from work would be a fitting way to thank Kaoru for taking him in. He started water heating in a large pot and dumped the soup packets in. As he searched for a spoon to stir with, a soft creaking sound from the hallway caught his attention.

He spun quickly, eyes scanning the living area visible past the divider wall but finding nothing. “…Hello?”

There was a long silence, and Kyo went back to his search. _‘Probably just the neighbors downstairs.’_

The state of the kitchen’s equipment confirmed Kyo’s earlier musing. None of the dishes or utensils looked to have been used in months, all coated in a fine layer of dust. At least everything was reasonably well organized. As his hand closed around the long handle of a plastic ladle, his ears caught a quiet shuffle and a solid click. He spun again, eyes narrow. That was definitely _not_ from downstairs.

“Kaoru?” No answer. What had Kaoru said his roommate’s name was? To… Toshiya Hu…? No, Ha… Hara. He was pretty sure that was it. “Mr. Hara?”

He stepped out of the kitchen quietly, peering down the hall. In the dark, with tense silence filling the space following the sounds, the once-beautiful apartment now set his nerves on edge. The shadows were too deep, and there were too many places intruders could be hiding. With the hearing in his left ear so drastically reduced, his ability to pinpoint the direction of the sound was impaired, but he was fairly sure it was coming from the hallway. His steps were soft and careful as he crept down the hall, peeking into doors as he passed them. The bathroom, clearly empty. A linen closet, no room for anyone to hide in there.

A bedroom, hopelessly messy and cluttered, seemed a more likely suspect. Posters for rock bands and old horror movies decorated the walls, and a stylish white bass guitar and a giant sketch pad lay at the foot of an unmade bed. Clothes were draped carelessly over every surface. Kyo moved to step forward just enough to check the open closet door, but his foot caught on a heavy bit of fabric and he stumbled a bit, swearing under his breath. A pair of jeans for someone with incredibly long, skinny legs.

“Is anyone here?” he called out. He felt silly talking to an apparently empty apartment, but the sounds had set him on edge. What if Kaoru’s home was being robbed while he was in it? “Wouldn’t that be just my luck…?”

He turned to leave and gasped as he came nose to chest with a looming figure. He tried to take a step back, but once again the pants on the floor caught at his feet, and this time he couldn’t catch himself before he fell backwards with a yelp. Flat on his ass, head spinning from the sudden change in perspective, Kyo stared up at the figure in the doorway with wide eyes.

The man staring back down at him was incredibly tall; Die’s height, if not a little taller. Black hair was cut boyishly short but for the bangs on one side, which fell like a raven’s wing to obscure half of an elegantly androgynous face. Graceful, slender arms were encased in simple black arm warmers, and a sleeveless black shirt with a low neckline hugged a slim chest. Tight pants clung to impossibly long legs under a heavy black kilt. Dark, almond-shaped eyes narrowed behind the curtain of glossy black hair, apparently amused. There was something off about the gaze, but the man was speaking before Kyo had a chance to sort out what it was, his voice light and poisonously sweet.

“Well, hello.”

“I… you must be… Toshiya? Sorry I’m in your room, I… I thought I heard something,” Kyo mumbled, embarrassed. The man’s first impression of him would be that he was clumsy and skittish! How humiliating. “Didn’t you hear me calling?”

“You must be a friend of Kaoru’s.”

Toshiya leaned down and wrapped one thin hand around Kyo’s forearm, pulling him back to his feet with surprising strength. The blonde was pulled further than he expected, the man’s other arm wrapping firmly around his lower back to draw him in close, and he looked up with uneasy surprise, his hands planted against that thin chest and lips parted to protest. Both struggles were aborted when Toshiya’s head bent over Kyo’s, his bangs sliding out of the way to allow both dark eyes to lock onto the smaller man’s.

At this short distance, Kyo could see what was off about the man’s stare. Toshiya’s pupils, almost invisible within his near-black irises, were distinctly inhuman vertical slits. The blonde’s breath caught in his throat, and he found himself unable to move, unable to speak, unable to look away from the dark depths of the man’s heavy gaze. The buzzing hornet’s nest of thoughts in his mind went abruptly silent and an inexplicable sort of hunger started to well up inside him instead. Toshiya moved forward and Kyo moved back, feet moving of their own accord, until the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed. The taller man leaned down and bore Kyo back onto the bed, long body in a graceful arch over him. He was entirely surrounded by Toshiya’s imposing form and for some reason, he was _allowing_ it.

“Kaokao always brings home such treasures…”

Kyo’s heart was pounding, his face flushed, and his body was suddenly pulsing for want of something he couldn’t fully identify. He couldn’t think to ask for more, or even what to ask for; his best attempt was a soft whimper escaping his still-open mouth. Toshiya’s long, slender fingers released his arm and crept deftly up under his shirt, and he arched up against them, the touch of the cool hand soothing the over-heated skin of his fluttering belly. That was what he wanted, he realized with the fascinated clarity of one entirely intoxicated; that hand, that touch, _everywhere._ It moved up – slowly, teasing and caressing – and began to press against the center of his chest until he could hardly breathe. He felt like he was suffocating, and for some reason the crushing pressure by that hand was everything his body was crying out for.

“Kyo…?”

A distant voice called faintly from outside the room – or was that just in his mind? It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the second smooth hand, sliding up along his leg to the fly of his pants, and the velvety brown eyes that swallowed every rational thought in his head.

“TOSHIYA!”

Irritation flashed across Toshiya’s man’s face, his features turning abruptly boyish and petulant as he turned back to look over one shoulder. “What?!”

As eye contact was broken, so too was the oppressive silence in Kyo’s head. It hit him, all of a sudden, that he was pinned on his back in some stranger’s bed, with that stranger’s hand sliding ever further _down the front of his pants_.

“Fuck!”

Kyo panicked, flailing and kicking wildly until he managed to push himself out from under Toshiya’s pressing hand and off the other side of the bed. Panting, wide-eyed, the blonde scrambled away until his back hit the far wall.

Kaoru stood in the doorway, glaring at Toshiya and hissing, “Do you actually listen when I talk or just smile, nod, and hope for the best?”

“What?” Toshiya crossed his arms and pouted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I told you last night that my friend was coming to stay with us for a while. As our _guest_ , remember?” Kaoru’s voice was heavy with unspoken meaning, and Toshiya’s eyes widened with understanding. The older man stepped past his roommate to kneel by Kyo on the other side of the bed. Burnt gold eyes met dark chocolate and gradually faded from panic to utter confusion.

“What… how did I get over here?” Kyo wondered. He had been upset about something just a moment ago, his body was still shaking from it but he couldn’t seem to remember what it was now. “I… heard a noise and came to look… why am I on the floor?”

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

“Oh, shit, sorry, I didn’t think sneaking up on you would startle you so badly.” Toshiya leaned over Kaoru’s shoulder to smile warmly at Kyo. “I was just kidding around, I hope you’re not hurt.”

Kyo blinked dumbly at the two of them from his place on the floor, panting a little. He _did_ remember turning and being startled by the man standing in the doorway, tripping and falling backwards… but why would that upset him so much that his heart would pound like this? The harder he tried to remember, the more his head began to throb, and he abandoned the effort of figuring out how he’d wound up on the other end of the room. The pain medication must just be making him loopy.

_‘Just losing my damn mind, that’s all… too many blows to the head.’_

And was that hissing sound something in his damaged ear? It was irritating, whatever it was. It sounded like a faucet running, or…

“Ah! The soup!”

The blonde scrambled to his feet and rushed out of the room. Kaoru stood and shot Toshiya a nasty look, arms crossed over his chest.

“ _That’s_ who you’ve been driving across the city for?!” Toshiya’s voice was quiet, but excited. “You’ve been holding out on me, Niikura! He was in my room looking up at me with his eyes all big and innocent and – shit, he smells _delicious_.”

“Leave him be.” Kaoru pointed a stern finger at his roommate. “I mean it Toshiya. He’s having a rough enough time as it is without you messing with him.”

“What, seriously? You’re a son of a bitch, you know that?”

Kaoru rolled his eyes and left to follow after Kyo, his willowy roommate hot on his tail. The blonde was a bit flustered, trying to clean off the stove where the soup had over-boiled and splattered across the range. All he’d been able to find was a crumpled napkin and the paper was quickly disintegrating to a sad, soggy scrap in his fingers.

“Sorry, Kaoru, I didn’t realize it would heat up so fast. I was only gone for a second, your stove is crazy.” Kyo sighed remorsefully. He’d wanted to greet his friend with a meal, not a mess! How could he screw up something so simple as instant soup?

“We have towels, you know,” Kaoru teased gently, pulling a plush dishtowel from one of the drawers.

“They seemed too nice to use to clean up soup… I can get it, I’m the one that made the mess,” Kyo protested as his friend gently pushed him away from the stove.

“Why don’t you come sit down and let Kao finish up in there?” Toshiya coaxed, guiding the blonde over to the couch. “He said you were on strong pain meds, I bet that’s why you fell before. Best not to push it, ne?”

“I feel fine, and I really think-”

“So you’re the singer, right? From the bar downtown? I’m sorry; I didn’t catch your name before.” Toshiya pulled Kyo down to the couch with him, all bright eyes and easy smiles.

“It’s Kyo… Nishimura. Are you sure I shouldn’t-”

“My name is Toshimasa Hara. Don’t call me that though, call me Toshiya, or Totchi.” The tall man bowed, awkwardly from his sideways sitting position. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you! Kao goes on and on about how good you are! I kept meaning to go see your show with him but it’s just such a long-ass drive. So you fell down the stairs, huh? That sucks! You hurt your ear, right? Are you deaf on that side now?”

Kyo blinked, and Toshiya stared at him expectantly for a moment before he realized it was his turn to talk. “Oh… um… yeah, the doctor said I’ll still be able to hear out of it just… not very well anymore.”

“So you can still sing?”

“Y-…yeah, I’m sure I can.” He certainly hoped so. If something were to happen to render him incapable of singing… The thought made him sick to his stomach.

“Awesome! Will you sing for me?” Toshiya leaned forward eagerly.

“You mean… now?”

“Yeah! Oh, do you need music? I play bass! I can-”

“Toshiya, don’t be a pest,” Kaoru scolded, carefully balancing three bowls of soup in his arms. Paper bags full of groceries were now cluttering the counter, and he could easily have put together a much larger meal, but he’d seen Kyo’s gesture for what it was and refused to belittle it. He would serve the meal that his friend had thought to prepare for them and nothing more.

Kyo was grateful for the distraction, and accepted his soup enthusiastically. He was often uncomfortable meeting new people, and Kaoru’s roommate was more… _spirited_ than what he was used to. Head bowed over his bowl, he missed Toshiya’s confused look at the soup he’d been handed, as well as the very pointed glare Kaoru had responded with. The taller man bit back a grin and settled back to eat at a leisurely pace. Many long minutes were spent in a comfortable silence as they emptied the pot of the slightly over-thick soup, though Kyo ended up eating the lion’s share of it.

By the time all of the food was gone, the blonde’s eyelids were drooping dangerously, and he was full and warm all over. Toshiya’s interest piqued when he felt a soft wave of energy roll off of Kaoru and wash over their guest, coaxing dark gold eyes to close and full lips to part ever so slightly in deep sleep. After the wave settled, it trickled into a thin stream flowing from the older man into Kyo. Toshiya hesitated a moment, tempted to see if the blonde would dream, before a stronger curiosity drove him to follow Kaoru to the kitchen.

“He’s asleep. Ask,” Kaoru ordered, setting to work washing the dishes. He knew his roommate would be full of questions now that Kyo was a real person rather than just a feature of Kaoru’s stories. He may as well let Toshiya interrogate him in a controlled setting while he kept the blonde asleep; at least this way, he could be sure their guest would never hear a thing.

“So, he hurt his ear falling down the stairs?” Toshiya asked, peering into the paper bags. “That’s the best story he could come up with? Did he fall on his _fist?_ And those bruises on his arms look an awful lot like handprints.”

“That was the doctor’s guess, I think he just went along with it.” The older man gestured to the bags. “You want to help me unload those instead of just picking at them? It had to have been his boyfriend. I met him once; he’s a jealous son of a bitch. When I first met Kyo, he was hiding a black eye under make up, and had bandages covering both arms. Last week the side of his face was swollen and he had a busted lip. He said it was a kitchen accident. No one else seems to have noticed, I only wish I had seen it sooner…”

“Yeah, it’s too bad, he’s _precious._ ” Toshiya’s smile became wicked. “You’ve been feeding on him, haven’t you? I’ve never known you to steal even an abusive man’s lover right out from under him! So scandalous, Kaokao!”

Kaoru gave him a dirty look, but Toshiya never faltered and he sighed. “I feed when he sings. He would never cheat on his boyfriend, and I’ve never followed him home to enter his dreams, but he puts so much into his shows, the release is… phenomenal.”

“ _And_ you never told me, you greedy old bastard? You let me just think you were going out for some damn stage show!”

“I’m… disinclined to share this one. Ever since I first tasted him, he’s just… all I ever want to feed from.” Kaoru’s voice was low, his eyes narrow.

Toshiya’s hands slowed, a package of dried noodles hanging in limbo between the bag and the cupboard, as curious eyes scrutinized his friend. Kaoru seemed honestly distressed, probably had been for some time now and had been carefully hiding it. “Kaoru… I’ve never seen you like this. Are you telling me you’ve only been feeding twice a week?”

The older man ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “Ever since the first show I saw… it’s been over a year now. I’ve Swayed people for sex, picked up one night stands, even paid for prostitutes. But when they release I just… don’t want to feed. I only want to feed on _him_.”

A slow, warm smile crossed the taller man’s lovely face. “You silly bastard, that’s why you’ve been driving all the way out there to visit him every day. You’ve fallen for the kid haven’t you?”

Kaoru rubbed a hand over his face leaned back against the fridge. “…Yes.”

Toshiya shook his head and finished unpacking the bags, dusting off his hands. “Well… You’ve gotten him away from his lover, haven’t you? Why don’t you give him a go? I suppose I can try to behave myself. For now. But if you dick around for too long, I’m taking that delicious little man and plowing him into the _ground_.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” the older man said dryly. “Anything else?”

“Oh no, that’s all for now. Kaoru Niikura getting attached to a human, who would have ever thought? This is going to be fun!”

Kaoru sighed and put the clean dishes on the rack to dry before going back out to the living area. Kyo was just as he’d left him, and he carefully retracted the thin tendril of power keeping the blonde asleep. It had probably been a wasted effort, considering the younger man remained unconscious even as he was scooped up off the couch, carried into the spare bedroom, stripped to his boxers, and tucked in to bed. Kaoru stood by the bed for a long time, staring down at his younger friend wistfully, brushing unruly blonde hair away from thick bandages and dark bruises.

“How could anyone…?”

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

Toshiya wandered out of his room, stretching his arms high above his head, humming a jaunty tune under his breath. He had originally planned to go out today, but heavy black storm clouds and thick curtains of rain found him padding around the apartment in pajama pants and plush slippers. After spending all of the previous day partying with friends, he welcomed the quiet peace of his home anyway. He could sense that Kaoru wasn’t home at the moment, so he resigned himself to a day of watching old movies in solitude. Maybe with a cup of hot chocolate? The thought was enticing, and he set a kettle on the stove to boil before moving out to the living area.

Long legs stopped short of the entryway to the living room, almond eyes surprised when they caught sight of a compact body, stretched up in front of one of the large windows. He’d just about forgotten about Kaoru’s little guest in the time he’d been out of the house. Kyo hadn’t noticed him yet, fully engrossed in cleaning the window with a soft towel and a bottle of cleaner, and Toshiya took the opportunity to look him over in daylight.

Under a pair of baggy sweatpants and a sleeveless shirt – both of which Toshiya recognized as Kaoru’s – he had a lovely, lean musculature. Blonde hair was left unstyled to fall soft and feathery around his face, held out of his eyes with a pair of subtle pins just above the damaged left ear. A nasty purple-black bruise spread across the appendage and the cheek in front of it, marring the otherwise clear complexion that seemed to not see much sun. As he stretched an arm adorned with simple bracelets overhead to clean a spot higher on the glass, his shirt hitched up, and dark eyes admired the tantalizing peek of a narrow waist, around which a tiger tattoo curled.

A low voice called out suddenly, startling Toshiya. He hadn’t seen anyone else in the room and worried for a split second that he’d been caught spying.

“Can you hear me okay?”

“Yeah, Shin,” Kyo responded, smiling a little to himself.

Toshiya’s eyes caught on the cell phone resting on the windowsill near the blonde.

“I hate speakerphone. You’re cleaning, aren’t you?”

“Windows. Am I that predictable?”

“You’re always cleaning something when you call me. You’re supposed to be resting, you know.”

“I’ve been sleeping for the past two days! I slept all the day I got here, and then all that night, and all yesterday, and all that night. The drugs the doctor gave me make me sleep all the damn time, so I can only stay up for a couple hours; trust me, I’ve been resting plenty. I’m trying to _stay_ awake.”

“Really? I would think that an excuse to sleep for days at a time would be a dream-come-true for you. What’s wrong?”

Kyo’s shoulders tensed visibly, his head dropping for just a moment before he resumed his task. “I’m… not used to sleeping alone, I guess.”

“…You miss Hakuei?”

“Aa… I don’t really want to call him until I’ve found a new job, but he hasn’t called or texted me at all. I guess I was hoping he would forgive me once he’d sobered up, but… I’m starting to think he isn’t going to.”

“He might need more time, but I don’t know… it seems like he should be the one asking you for forgiveness. You could have died falling down those stairs, Kyo, you heard the doctor. And he just left you there! Over something silly like losing your job? It’s ridiculous.”

“Well… it wasn’t just that…”

“What was it, then?”

“I had been hanging out with Kaoru all week while Haku was at work. He… he thinks I was cheating on him.”

“…Are you serious?”

Kyo made a face at his phone. “Why would I joke about that?”

“Sorry, Kyo, it’s just… well, it’s so stupid. How could he ever think _you_ would be unfaithful? You’re the most loyal person I know, I can’t imagine you ever cheating on someone.”

“I _was_ lying to him, kind of. Pretending to still go to work every day, and going out with friends instead…”

“But… were you cheating on him?”

“No! Of course not! But, he’s so sure that I was, he… he told me he didn’t want to see me again… he was so angry _…_ ”

“If you’re so convinced it’s finished, why are you still waiting for him to call? Why not focus on getting better and moving on?”

“I don’t even know for sure if we’re broken up; he was drunk, and it’s only been two days. I feel like I’ve ruined everything I’ve built for myself since I moved to Tokyo, and I guess… I guess I just don’t want to let go of my life with him.”

“Kyo, is someone who kicks you out of your home with no clothes, money, or job over something you didn’t even do really worth holding on to? You’re half deaf in one ear and you’re lucky you didn’t _break your neck_ , and he hasn’t even called to check on you? Maybe this is for the best.”

“I know you and Die have never liked him much, but… I love him, Shin…”

A sigh. “I know you do, and it’s not that we dislike him, really. I just wonder if your devotion is returned. How has it been at Kaoru’s place? Are you doing okay?”

Kyo relaxed a little at the change of topic. “Yeah, I’m alright. Still no job, though. I can’t help pay rent and I’m afraid to see how much that hospital bill is going to be… I feel like such a burden on him.”

“Is that why you’re cleaning his windows?”

Reluctance. “…Yeah.”

“You fell, what, Saturday night? And it's only Tuesday now… you’re nowhere near recovered yet. You really should be resting.”

“I’m fine, Shinya. It’s not like cleaning is going to aggravate an ear injury.”

“Is Kaoru there with you now?”

“No, he’s at work."

“Oh, so he does have a job. I was beginning to wonder, with how much time he has to spare during the week.”

Kyo chuckled a bit. He’d wondered the same for a while. “He’s a journalist for some kind of sports magazine… I forget the name. He’s only gone a couple hours a day, though; either he works really fast or he does some of it from home.”

“Does he know you’re doing housework while he’s gone?”

“No. The past couple days are kind of hazy, but when I was awake I tried cooking for him a couple of times. He doesn’t ever seem to be hungry, though, it’s like he’s just eating to be polite, and he told me I shouldn’t bother myself on his behalf. I don’t know what else I can do for him.”

“He’s your friend, Kyo; I don’t think he expects anything in return.”

“I know, I just… if I take advantage of him, if I’m too much of a burden, what if he gets tired of me? I have nowhere else to go except back to Kyoto, and I know my mom can’t afford to support me.”

“First of all, you know I would never leave you homeless; you always have a place here if you need one. But I don’t think it would ever come to that. You should have seen Kaoru when he heard you were hurt, he looked terrified _._ And when we found you on the stairs and Hakuei wouldn’t answer the door, he was so upset he punched a hole through the drywall in the hallway.”

“Seriously? Shit… He… he’s really intense sometimes, isn’t he?”

“Intense? I don’t know, I’ve only spoken to him a few times, but he’s always very polite. Hmm… Die seems to have a lot of fun hanging out with him, and he’s usually a decent judge of character, so that’s something. He does seem very smitten on you, though.”

“You think so?”

“You don’t?”

“I… I guess.”

“Well, what if he is?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you interested in him?”

“I’m with Hakuei, Shinya!”

“Are you really?”

“…”

“I’m sorry Kyo; I have to get ready for work. Are you going to be alright? Is there anything you need?”

“No, I’m… I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“No promises, but I’ll try. Look, just think about what I said, alright? Maybe you and Hakuei just weren’t meant for one another. This might be a sign that it’s time to move on.”

“A-Aa… bye, Shinya.”

Kyo hit a button on his phone and stared at the screen for a moment, sinking slowly into the couch. Toshiya couldn’t see his face, but the bowed head and shaking shoulders told him all he needed to know. His heart went out to the man and he changed his plans for the day. After swinging through his room and picking up his sketchpad, he returned to the kitchen to prepare two mugs of hot chocolate. When he pressed one of them into Kyo’s shaking hands, the blonde fought valiantly to hide bloodshot eyes, and Toshiya pretended not to notice.

“Oh, h-hey, Toshiya,” Kyo mumbled, wiping his face quickly.

“Hey! Shitty weather outside today, huh?” Toshiya asked congenially.

“Yeah…”

Toshiya clutched his sketchpad to his chest and made his best pleading eyes over the top edge of it. “I know you’re probably tired, but can I ask you a favor?”

The blonde welcomed the distraction, as well as the chance to do something for one of the men whose home he was invading. “Of course.”

“Well, I have a deadline coming up, and I’m a little short on designs. I wonder if you can help me brainstorm some new ones?”

“…Designs?”

“Yeah! Oh, didn’t Kaoru tell you? I design clothes.”

Kyo’s eyes went wide as the pad was flipped open. The pages were huge and cluttered with pencil drawings of faceless figures wearing carefully etched garments and countless notes on fabric types and embellishments. He was stunned, not only by Toshiya’s apparent skill at drawing, but at the beautiful designs the man had come up with.

“Toshiya, these are amazing! I… I don’t know how I could possibly help you at all…” Kyo protested, looking up at the taller man regretfully.

Toshiya flashed a brilliant smile. “They’re _okay_. I think it’ll be a pretty good line once I get the details down, you know? But I definitely need some accessories.”

“Accessories?” Kyo wondered, cocking his head at the drawings. “You mean, like… ties?”

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

Toshiya woke with a groan, writhing between sheets that seemed too hot. A glance at the clock revealed an ungodly hour of the morning, and he was bewildered at his own pounding heart and the sweat that beaded on his skin; had he been having a nightmare? He dismissed the foolish thought immediately. He knew himself to be incapable of dreams unless under the influence of another creature capable of inflicting them, and there was no such creature nearby. The confusion lasted only a moment though, before another faint wave of sexual energy pulsed through the apartment, almost too weak to detect. He moaned, shivering as he sucked in the morsel greedily.

It was spicy and sweet, like honeyed ginger.

Suddenly hungry – appetite whetted by the barest taste of a nearby meal – he let himself lose a little of his control over his human form. His pupils narrowed into slits that flared wide in the darkness, allowing him to see more clearly, and a long, black tongue snaked out to wet full lips hungrily as he slid gracefully out of bed toward the source of the wave. The door to Kyo’s room was open – unusual, since the blonde typically shut it behind himself when he turned in for the night – and he stalked toward it eagerly. He’d promised his roommate to behave himself, but how could he be expected to hold himself back when their guest was tempting him like this?

What Toshiya saw in that room made his breath hitch in his throat. Kaoru was on all fours over Kyo, and he’d clearly lost _all_ control of himself. Long, tubular ears coated with a fine black fur flicked toward the sound of Toshiya’s soft gasp, then dismissed the sound and refocused forwards. Glossy back hair formed slender tendrils that slithered over tattooed shoulders with a life of their own, long horns spiraling gracefully out of the writhing mass. Fingers, tipped with wicked claws and abnormally long with an extra knuckle on each digit, pressed hard into Kyo’s chest, making the blond struggle for every breath. Slim legs were coated with more sleek black velvet fur and had reformed into an animalistic bone structure that stretched the ankle into a hock, all pressure resting on the balls and clawed toes of each foot. A long, slender tail whipped at the end of his spine like that of an agitated cat, also furred and tipped with a thick tuft of longer hair at the end.

The irises of Kaoru’s eyes had gone deep violet and expanded to swallow the surrounding white until all that disturbed the eerily-glowing hue were narrow black slits down the centers. He was staring, unblinking, at the blonde sleeping fitfully beneath him. Toshiya had never seen Kaoru so thoroughly let himself go, but his older friend hardly had his interest. He’d seen the man’s true form plenty of times, and it was similar enough to his own.

It was _Kyo_ that made his breath quicken.

Kaoru had the young man deeply entrenched in what had to be a _powerful_ wet dream. The blonde had kicked his covers away and Toshiya was torn between elation that the man slept nude, and hatred for Kaoru’s thigh blocking the view of more enticing parts. Even partially obscured, the sight of so much smooth, golden flesh was absolutely intoxicating. Slender, sweat-slicked hips undulated insistently as the man writhed, tattooed arms raised above his head and hands gripping the pillow with white-knuckled force. Lean legs flexed and kicked slowly against the sheets, fighting and failing to gain purchase on the slick fabric. Full lips gasped for air as he bucked against the pressure crushing his chest, harsh panting punctuated by whimpering moans.

With every desperate thrust of his hips, the delicious energy that had drawn Toshiya to the room pulsed out of the blonde, and he could feel Kaoru consuming the vast majority of the waves released. It was little wonder the bit of energy that had reached him had been so faint.

When at last Kyo climaxed, Kaoru and Toshiya both moaned along with him, greedily sucking down the absolute torrent of power that rushed out of the blonde. Toshiya’s now-clawed hands were digging gouges into the soft wood of the doorframe with the force of his grip, and he panted as he watched Kaoru push himself off of the bed and back away. The older man was gasping for breath, and looked pained as he fought to regain control of his form. Purple eyes stared longingly at the still figure on the bed, too-long fingers braced against the wall.

Nude, it was apparent now that Kaoru was thinner than Toshiya had ever seen him; his ribs and hip bones too prominent, his arms and legs too slender. The older man had always been slight of frame, but this was crossing the line into starvation. And even now, after feeding, his teeth were bared in an anguished grimace that made his angular face look desperate and feral. His tail was lashing wildly with agitation, thumping against the wall more than once. It was a harrowing sight.

“Kaoru…” Toshiya whispered apprehensively. He’d never seen his older friend so distraught, never seen the man’s iron control so much as bend, let alone break completely.

A wide, guilt-ridden gaze snapped to the doorway. “Toshiya…Totchi, I…”

“Kao… what’s happening to you?” Toshiya wondered, opening his long arms.

Kaoru staggered into his friend’s embrace, shaking as the taller man lead him out of the room. “I don’t know, I just… I couldn’t help myself! I’ve been trying so hard not to feed on him while he’s sick but I just… I needed it so bad…”

“Shh, okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you. Come on.”

Once in his own bedroom, the older man flopped facedown on the bed with a strained groan. Toshiya sat next to him, legs crossed underneath himself, and began to run his fingers through his friend’s unruly hair. It was a soothing touch, rubbing gently against the sensitive base of heavy horns. As agitated as he was, Kaoru was by nature a deeply tactile creature, particularly in his proper form, and he found his nerves settling in spite of himself. Slowly, under his friend’s patient hands, he allowed himself to shift back into his human form, extra limbs and knuckles sinking away with the horrible sound of crunching, shifting bones.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself; you’re going to go mad if you let yourself starve all the time. A single dream release isn’t going to hold you over for very long. Look at you, you’re so skinny!”

“I know! I know, I just… Toshiya, I want him so bad, I can’t think about anything else, I can’t feed on anyone else. But he’s so damn caught up on that abusive fucking bastard, I can’t-…”

“Then feed, Kaoru! Do what we’re made to do! Seduce him, Sway him, whatever, you know it won’t hurt him. It wouldn’t even be hard; he already likes you well enough.”

Kaoru’s voice was a frustrated whisper. “I don’t want to Sway him. I don’t want to twist his dreams. I want him to want _me_.”

“What… what do you mean? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to feed on him, Toshiya. I just… want _him_.”

Toshiya bit his lip. He wished there was something he could do to soothe Kaoru’s ache, but this situation was as unfamiliar to him as it was to his roommate. Sex, he understood. He’d thought that Kaoru was just hung up on the blonde because he wanted to feed on his energy, and Kyo was giving him trouble by being too devoted to his lover. It made sense; the blonde had a delightfully addictive flavor, and his friend had a fairly strict policy about touching people who were already in relationships. It was somewhat problematic, but not a real issue. But now it sounded like Kaoru wanted something... _more_ from the little human, and that was something Toshiya simply couldn’t reconcile with how he saw the world and their places in it. They seducedhumans, they impelled desire and kindled the flames of fantasy, they fed and focused solely on the energy released during sex. Maybe every now and then, they’d come across one whose flavor they preferred over others, but the concept of love went against their very natures.

After all, incubi were supposed to be the incarnation of loveless lust.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

Kyo’s eyes drifted open slowly, squinting against the pale sunlight trickling through the window. Morning? Already? Groaning a little, he tried to move out of the bed, and found his limbs entirely uncooperative. He felt like his entire body had been drained; like he was… empty _,_ somehow. His muscles refused to respond, and he felt chilled to the core despite the covers wrapped so tightly around him. Shivering weakly against the cold radiating from his center, he forced his sluggish body to curl up under the blanket tiny bits at a time, hugging his knees to his chest. Dark gold eyes sought out the glowing display of the alarm clock.

_‘It’s already ten o’clock?’_

_‘I’m still so tired…’_

_‘Why is it so cold in here?’_

_‘I hope I’m not getting sick…’_

He moaned despondently. To be sick now, on top of everything else?

 _‘I can’t move…_ ’

_‘So tired…’_

_‘Maybe… just a few more minutes…’_

Hours passed as he drifted in and out of sleep, plagued by fitful dreams he couldn’t quite remember, but that startled him awake and left his heart pounding. The sunlight streaming so cheerfully into his room turned a rich gold as the morning bled into the afternoon, but its warmth couldn’t seem to touch him. He whined weakly to himself, fussing at his own discomfort. He was so cold, he felt so drained _,_ and he couldn’t do anything to fix any of it.

Eventually, Kaoru’s voice came through his closed bedroom door. “Kyo…? It’s past noon, you need to eat some lunch and take your pills.”

“‘m too tired…” the blonde murmured into the empty air of his room, his voice far too quiet for Kaoru to catch.

There was a long pause as the older man waited for an answer.

“…Kyo? Are you awake?”

The door opened with a soft squeak, and Kaoru peered around it. Kyo could barely muster the effort to keep one eye half open to acknowledge his friend. Evidently some of what he was feeling was reflected on his face, because Kaoru’s expression went from curious to worried in a heartbeat.

“Hey…” The older man’s voice was gentle as he moved over to the bed. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Nnn… no…”

A thin hand came to rest lightly on Kyo’s forehead, and he leaned into it with a soft sigh. The warm touch felt so good _,_ he wasn’t immediately aware that Kaoru had spoken again, and he completely missed whatever the man said by the time he registered the voice.

“Mn?”

“Can you hear me? What’s wrong?”

“‘m cold… ’s so cold… I feel… empty…”

Kyo felt a shiver rush through him as the warmth from Kaoru’s hand clashed with the cold pervading the rest of his body. He was just so tired, and every shuddering attempt to regain body heat seemed to steal more energy from him than he had to spare. It distracted him from the long moment of stunned, guilty silence coming from Kaoru. When the older man finally spoke again, his voice was carefully trained into only mildly-concerned tones, concealing his internal distress.

“Are you sick?”

“ _No._ ”

Kaoru had to smile at the petulance in the blonde’s tired voice. He wasn’t that under the weather, then, if he still had the energy left to be stubborn. “So you don’t want some hot soup?”

Kyo didn’t want to ask Kaoru for anything. Gods knew the man had already given him so much in the past couple of weeks. But at that moment, he wanted soup more than he could ever remember wanting anything. “Mmm… maybe…?”

“Alright. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Kaoru moved away from the bed to pull an armload of blankets out of the top shelf of the closet. He spread each over his younger friend and tucked them around the small form carefully, then, with one last smile at the blonde, left the room and went to the kitchen, setting soup to heat over the stove with hands that shook. As he stared at the cold broth, speckled with bits of dried herbs, his mind wandered fitfully. Kyo’s sunken eyes; his pale, cold flesh; his slurred, tired speech… all his fault. He slumped against the fridge with a groan. Dragging one hand over his face, shuddering in horror, he allowed himself to slide down until he was sitting on the tile floor berating himself in disgust.

“Fuck! Fucking goddamn son of a bitch!” he hissed, slamming his head back against the fridge door. “What have I done?”

“Kao?”

Kaoru opened his eyes just a sliver. Toshiya was standing in the entryway to the kitchen, wearing an oversized long-sleeve shirt over incredibly short shorts and looking worried.

Tattooed hands slid up to clutch at glossy black hair, the older man baring his teeth angrily. “He’s sick _._ ”

“Huh? Who, Kyo?”

“Yes! I took too much from him, and I made him sick!”

_“…”_

“Fuck, he just… he looks so tired, Totchi. He’s suffering and it’s _my_ fault!”

Toshiya's expression was an odd mix of curiosity and concern. “He’s… alive, though, right?”

“Of course he is. He’s miserable though! He’s freezing and he can’t move, I took so much he can’t even regulate his own damn body temperature! I didn’t even realize I was feeding so deeply…”

Toshiya sighed and moved across the room gracefully, coming to crouch in front of his roommate. “Kaoru, it’s not like we feed on blood, it’s just energy. If he’s not dead now, he’s going to be fine.”

“I know that!” Kaoru snapped.

Toshiya smiled, his voice sweet and smooth, coaxing. “I know you do. You know how I know it?”

The older man blinked a little, his temper waning. “Because… because I told you once.”

“That’s right. I took so much from one of mine that in the morning, I couldn’t even wake her up. Her skin was cold and you could hardly even tell she was breathing.”

Kaoru couldn’t help but smile a little at the memory. “You were crying so hard when you came and woke me up. You thought you’d turned her into a vegetable and she’d be in a coma for the rest of her life.”

“Uh-huh. And you told me…?”

“To… to keep her warm and let her rest, and she’d be fine.”

“That’s right. And the same is true for Kyo, isn’t it?”

“I… aa… of course it is.”

“Good. So maybe you ought to pick your pretty self up off the floor and finish making your little human his soup, instead of sitting here being all dramatic over nothing. I know he’s all cute and sad and tiny, but you’re being ridiculous, which is only going to make things so much more difficult when _I_ need to be ridiculous, because you’re supposed to be the rational one around here.”

Kaoru chuckled a little – halfheartedly – and accepted Toshiya’s proffered hand, letting his younger friend pull him back to his feet. “Aa… alright. You're right. I know you're right, it was just... Thanks, Totchi.”

“Mmhmm.” Toshiya patted the older man’s cheek fondly. “Goodness knows you’ve talked me out of some phenomenally stupid shit. It’s only fair I should be able to do the same for you every now and again.”

Kaoru rubbed his face again and dug out a wooden spoon to stir the slowly-boiling soup. Toshiya was right; seeing the results of what he’d done to Kyo hit him hard, but sulking and wallowing in guilt wouldn’t get him anywhere, he had to focus on helping the blonde get better. Remorse still twisted his stomach, but what was done was done. And who knew? If he hadn’t fed when he did – if he’d tried to hold out even longer – he could have lost even more control than he had and actually killed Kyo. He couldn’t let himself get that far gone ever again.

Kyo was asleep when Kaoru returned with the soup, but he woke the blonde just long enough to eat. The blonde’s pride had him trying his damnedest to feed himself – one hand coming up weakly to cover Kaoru’s around the spoon – but he was just too enervated to manage even that simple task. Kaoru had to sit on the bed and prop the smaller man up against his shoulder to spoon-feed the liquid to him, but doting on his crush that way was a guilty sort of pleasure. Feeling the compact body pressed against his own was intoxicating, even if the contact was ill-gotten.

Halfway through the bowl, Kyo’s eyes started to loll shut, and he turned his face tiredly away from the spoon. “Mnn…”

“You’re sure you can’t eat a little more?” Kaoru asked gently.

“Tired,” the younger man murmured. His head slid down until it was tucked neatly under the older man’s chin, and he curled lethargically against Kaoru’s side. “…Kaoru?”

“Yeah, Kyo?”

“Aren’t you worried?”

“About you?” Kaoru wondered as he set the half-empty bowl on the low table beside the bed. “Yeah, a little, but I’m sure you’ll be alright once you get some rest.”

“Mm-mn,” the blonde head shook once in the negative, “That I’ll get you sick?”

Kaoru chuckled a little. “Nah, I’m pretty much invincible.”

“Oh, okay… ‘s good, I guess… hey Kaoru?”

“Yes, Kyo?”

“ _Thank you_. You’re… a better friend… than I could ever ask for…”

Soon after the last mumbled syllable, Kyo was asleep once more, draped against Kaoru’s side to steal his warmth. The older man bit his lip against another guilty twinge as he wrapped his arms loosely around the object of his affection and nuzzled ever-so-lightly against soft blonde hair. He inhaled – slowly, deeply, indulgently – the mixture of Kyo’s personal scent and the faint perfume of his own shampoo clinging to the pale gold strands. He felt a heady rush, the combined smells speaking to a more primal side of his psyche that saw them as a claim on the smaller male.

“Oh Kyo,” he sighed sadly. “If only you knew the truth… what I did to you… what I _want_ to do to you… you’d never say such kind things.”

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Upon waking Thursday morning, Kyo was deeply relieved to find himself in a much improved condition from the day before. He was still sore all over, his left ear still ached, and the pain medication still made him groggy and slow, of course, but at least now he was warm _,_ and he could move again.

_‘Who would have thought feeling like this would be an improvement?’_

He slid out of bed, only a little unsteady on his feet, and slipped into a pair of loose jeans and a tee-shirt, both borrowed from Kaoru. The shirt fit him well enough, but he had to roll the cuffs of the jeans up a couple times to keep from tripping on them. After a day spent in bed, he was feeling somewhat grimy, but before he could even think about showering, he had to find some breakfast. All he’d eaten the day before was soup and tea, and though he was immensely grateful to Kaoru for preparing and feeding him those things, he needed something more substantial now that he was up and about again.

_‘I wonder if Kao and Toshiya are home… maybe they want breakfast too?’_

He certainly hoped so, chewing his lower lip thoughtfully as he shuffled down the hall, one hand half-covering a wide yawn. After spending all of Monday and Tuesday cleaning the apartment, there was little else for him to do with his time. His body still yearned for sleep because of the drugs, but he was developing an aversion to the bedroom Kaoru had so selflessly given him. How could he rest when he was constantly thinking that any more time in that room would drive him to madness? It was so lonely and lifeless, with no pictures or music or personal touches. It felt like an asylum. He shuddered at the thought, and doing so made him feel like an ungrateful cur.

Hearing a faint strain of music coming from the living room, he brightened a bit. Someone was home, then. It was so quiet though, he was almost at the end of the hall before he could make out the lyrics.

“ _…will devour you, take all the pain away. I cannot stay my hand from reaching out so that I can empower you, for all eternity. It seems to ease my mind, to know that you’ve brought meaning to my life…”_

Coming around the corner, he was surprised to see that the entertainment system was not the source of the music. Kaoru was sitting on the couch, an acoustic guitar resting lightly in his lap as he strummed at it with comfortable familiarity. Kyo couldn’t help but swallow a little lump of awe that formed at the back of his throat. Kaoru was good. His hands moved with such precision and grace, fingers pressing and tugging at heavy strings skillfully. The words he sang came almost as an afterthought, spoken simply for the sake of speaking rather than the obvious care that went into the instrument. It was like the guitar was just another part of his body; as if he’d been playing it his entire life and the music came to him as naturally as breathing.

If he had seen Kaoru playing as recently as two days ago, Kyo would only have been impressed by his friend’s obvious talent. But now – as the song picked up tempo and Kaoru’s hands began to move a little more quickly – all Kyo could think of was the dream he’d had the night before he gotten sick. He’d already remembered that it had been a wet dream, and as with most dreams, he only recalled small fragments and vague impressions of it. Nothing out of the ordinary. But seeing those hands moving so deftly now brought those fragments to life and restored more of the memory. He remembered now that it had been a wet dream about Kaoru _._

Over the sweet sound of the instrument, Kaoru’s voice started up again, singing softly to himself, _“Run, to where the smallest ray of light will never find you… run, to where you will not need to shield your eyes. Run, away from all the soulless, heartless fiends who hound you. Run away, and let your memories go blind when I devour you, take all your pain away.”_

The recollection brought heat to Kyo’s face, and any greeting he might have offered his friend died on his tongue. He couldn’t help but think of how those hands had felt in his dream, manipulating his body just as skillfully as they now manipulated the guitar.

_‘I wonder if he has calluses on his fingertips…’_

His heart fluttered a little. Why was the thought of sex with Kaoru so damned appealing? Shouldn’t he feel guilty for lusting after a friend when he was already bound to another man? He’d never before even considered infidelity!

 _“I cannot stay my hand from reaching out so that I can empower you, for all eternity. It seems to ease my mind, to know that you’ve brought meaning to my life…”_ Left without lyrics, Kaoru bobbed his head with the music he created, eyes half-shut in apparent bliss.

Kyo’s mind started to wander on a dangerous tangent. Maybe Shinya was right. Maybe it just _wasn’t_ worth trying with Hakuei anymore, and Kyo’s subconscious was simply more willing to accept it than the rest of him. Kyo loved the braided man, he really did, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew that their relationship wasn’t healthy _._ He knew that he probably should have ended things the first time his lover had hit him. But he’d clung for so long to the notion that Hakuei only ever hurt him because he provoked the man too much when his lover was drunk. That he should know better than to aggravate someone whose inhibitions were so drastically reduced. That maybe if he could just be quieter, more calm and shy and submissive like he had been when they first met, things would get better again.

_‘But… that’s not right, is it?’_

_‘I shouldn’t have to force so much change, if he really loves me.’_

_‘I shouldn’t have to stay with someone who only wants me for one facet of my personality.’_

_‘But… I also shouldn’t want Kaoru!’_

_‘He’s my friend, goddamn it!’_

A tiny, niggling voice from a corner of Kyo’s mind wheedled its way to the front of his consciousness.

_‘Why not?’_

Why not, indeed? Kaoru was good-looking. He was fun; easy-going cheer complemented by a wicked sense of humor. He managed to flawlessly balance the confidence that Kyo found so attractive in men with a sweetly polite humility. He was almost certainly interested in Kyo, even seemed to enjoy the blonde’s ever-shifting moods. He spent weeks going out of his way to keep Kyo happy after he lost his job, and then gave him shelter when he lost his home and took care of him when he was sick.

He was _really_ good-looking.

_‘…’_

“Kyo?”

Kyo startled a bit, head snapping up to pay attention to the real world again only to find the subject of his musings standing right in front of him, peering down at him with those damnably sharp eyes. Oh, if Kaoru only knew what he’d just been thinking… His mind shut down for a split second. What the hell does one say to a friend they just had a wet dream about?

“You’re looking much better today. Did I wake you up?”

“Uuh…?”

Kaoru smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I was trying to be quiet.”

“Oh… Oh!” Kyo shook his head, forcing a smile he hoped looked casual. “No, no, you didn’t wake me up. I almost wish you had, though, so I could have heard more… You’re so good.”

Kaoru rubbed the back of his head, grinning modestly. “Oh, that? That was nothing special.”

“Maybe for you! I could never play so well.”

“Well… do you want to learn? I could teach you, if you like.”

Kyo’s blush returned full force, imagining those clever hands over his own, pressing his fingers into the flesh-warmed wood of a much loved fret board. Kaoru’s chest against his back, smooth voice his ear, glossy black hair sliding over his shoulder…

_‘SHIT! Stop that, goddamn it!’_

“N- uh, no, thank you, that’s… that’s okay.”

Kaoru eyed his smaller friend curiously as he set his guitar back in its stand. “Are you feeling alright? You’re looking a little flush.”

Kyo cleared his throat and blustered past his friend into the kitchen. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… no, yeah, I’m fine. I was just… going to get some food. What about you? Do you want some breakfast?”

A slow, mysterious smile spread across Kaoru’s face. “…Sure, Kyo. I’d love some.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song described above ( _[ **Devour**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8T0nzX0Tmw)_ ) is intellectual property of Disturbed. I don't own any rights to it, or profit from its use.


	20. Chapter 20

Kaoru couldn’t believe his good fortune.

He could sense the attraction for himself building in his little friend. Since their first meeting, there had always been the barest flicker of interest tucked back in the corner of the blonde’s mind, taunting Kaoru with hope that seemed ill-fated and, at times, the product of an over-optimistic imagination. But now it was as if whatever had been so pointedly repressing that attraction had been lifted, allowing it to test itself in Kyo’s conscious thoughts. It was thrilling, if only because it was something beyond Kaoru’s influence; something that he couldn’t create or control within the mortal’s mind. It was something real that Kyo felt for him _,_ of his own volition.

Well… something that he was beginning to feel, anyway.

Tonight, though, Kyo had upset the tenuous peace of the household. It was Friday, and he had wanted to go back to work singing at the club after having missed half of last week. Kaoru had stopped him. The doctor didn’t want him putting anything in his ears for at least another few days, and the music on the stage was simply too loud for him to perform without some kind of protection. The blonde had cursed at Kaoru, threatened him, begged him, tried to bargain with him – everything he could think of to persuade the older man. He didn’t have enough money to get downtown and back on his own; if Kaoru wouldn’t take him, he couldn’t go.

Kaoru had seen the dejected frustration behind Kyo’s tantrum, and had taken him out for dinner and a movie after he’d cooled off a bit. It was a struggle to get him to accept at first, and for a while the blonde’s disappointment was nearly tangible, his usually vibrant eyes dull with the weight of it. Worse, Kyo was ashamed of how he had behaved to Kaoru after all the man had done for him. Dinner was a quiet affair, and Kyo had picked listlessly at his food, avoiding conversation at all costs.

But they had chosen what turned out to be a truly horrible “scary” movie, and Kaoru’s witty remarks murmured into his ear combined with terrible acting and costumes left the blonde laughing in spite of himself. Other patrons shot them nasty looks, and Kyo had clamped his hands over his mouth to try to quiet himself, but the movie never got any scarier and Kaoru never stopped poking fun at it. It was the most fun two hours either of them had had in years, and the good mood it instilled in them lasted long after they left the theater.

The walk home had been a staggering affair, Kaoru indulging the goofier side of his nature for Kyo’s entertainment, their raucous laughter echoing down the empty streets of the quiet neighborhood. Now, back in the apartment, tucking his leftovers into the refrigerator, Kyo had finally managed to calm himself down, though a smile seemed permanently fixed on his face. When he shut the door and stepped back, Kaoru was suddenly next to him, fighting against a grin as he bared his teeth, raised hands curled into claws, and tried to recreate some of the worst acting Kyo had ever seen.

“I am… _going_ to kill _you!_ ”

Kyo sputtered and collapsed again into fits of hysterical laughter, bracing against the counter to keep himself standing and clutching his aching stomach. “D-Damnit, Kaoru!”

Kaoru grinned and bit his lip, moving forward. Seeing Kyo’s sweet lips pulled into a broad grin, his dark eyes glistening and round cheeks flushed with mirth, his smooth throat undulating with the force of an uninhibited laugh… It was plucking at Kaoru’s last thread of self-control. He knew Kyo was attracted to him, he could feel it; he’d been feeling it all evening since the movie. But it was still so tenuous – so fragile and unsure in the blonde’s tumultuous psyche – he had wanted to hold himself back until the younger man’s mind had settled. All of his plans were crashing down around him now, and he knew he was all-but lost.

Kaoru’s hands came to rest against the edge of the counter on either side of Kyo’s slim hips, the blonde’s laughter fading to silence at his sudden proximity. Dark gold eyes peered up into his; questioning and anticipating, nervous and excited, unsure but wanting. This close, Kyo could feel the heat from Kaoru’s body, but the man was very deliberately not touching him, clinging to the last vestiges of restraint.

Kaoru leaned down, head tilting slightly, until his lips were hovering over Kyo’s. “…tell me to stop.”

Kyo swallowed, then whispered, “Why?”

“I don’t think I can stop myself,” the older man admitted.

Kyo was startled to find that he’d been offered a choice, and it was sudden, but he felt like a decision had to be made here and now. If he turned Kaoru away now, it would mean crushing what had been growing between them, tainting both their fledgling friendship and its potential to become something more. If he kissed Kaoru, it would mark the end of his relationship with Hakuei, whose familiar hands brought both pleasure and pain, whose presence inspired love and fear.

_‘What if… what if Kaoru only wants a night of sex…?’_

_‘Can I throw away everything for a fling?’_

_‘…How do I even know there’s anything left of what I had?’_

_‘Hakuei may never take me back.’_

_‘Would I go back to him, if he did?’_

_‘I… I don’t think I would.’_

_‘I don’t think I could stand it, if he touched me now.’_

_‘Everything is changing so much, so fast…’_

_‘Hakuei will never forgive me, if I stray now.’_

Something shaky within Kyo hardened into resolve.

_‘Fuck Hakuei and his jealous goddamn temper.’_

_‘This… I want this…’_

Kyo had difficulty indulging the popular habit of denying himself what he really wanted, propriety be damned. “What if I don’t want you to stop?”

The older man moaned softly and his lips brushed ever so lightly against Kyo’s. The blonde could feel the tremors wracking Kaoru’s lean frame and wondered at them. Slowly, he flicked the tip of his tongue out over the man’s lower lip, and was rewarded with an almost-pained sigh. The older man started to pull away with a shuddering breath. Even with permission, Kaoru was holding himself back, and Kyo lacked the patience to tolerate this teasing, fleeting contact. Especially when Kaoru seemed to want more just as much as he did.

Impatient hands came up to tangle in long, black hair and Kyo closed the distance between them once more, crushing his mouth to Kaoru’s. Just like that, the taller man’s body was suddenly pressed against him, grinding him into the edge of the counter, hands sliding up his back and digging in fiercely. Kyo was all lean muscle, and the hard press of his small frame was absolutely maddening. Kaoru groaned as a wicked tongue delved between his lips, lapping eagerly at his mouth, and he responded just as fervently. When the need for air separated them, Kaoru couldn’t seem to stop nipping and mouthing hungrily at Kyo’s panting lips. His hands were still exploring the blonde’s torso, but more gently now. One had slipped under the borrowed shirt to smooth over quivering flesh with a feather light touch. Kyo chuckled breathlessly, and tugged at the older man’s hair until their foreheads and noses were pressed together.

“Kaoru… gods, Kaoru…”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t-… you’re just so fucking- mph!”

Outside the kitchen, a slim shadow passed noiselessly through the living room, grinning to himself as the wet sound of heated, passionate kissing started up again. Toshiya spotted the manga issue he’d been searching for tucked under a magazine and pulled it out quietly, striving not to interrupt the scene unfolding in the kitchen. A cell phone decorated with ominous syringes and red splatters chirped softly, and curious hands hesitated only for a moment before flipping it open. The screen flared to life revealing a new text message to eager eyes.

_-I miss you, Beautiful. Come home? ~Haku-_

Crooked teeth sank into a lower lip as worried eyes glanced up at the entryway to the kitchen. He couldn’t see Kaoru and Kyo from here, but he could feel the timid thrill rolling off of the blonde, and knew Kaoru had to be absolutely ecstatic. Could he really let that be tainted now, when it was so fresh, so new and vulnerable? He hadn’t known Kyo long, but he liked the little human. He deserved a lover that didn’t abuse him. And he loved Kaoru like a brother; he wanted nothing but happiness for the older man, even if it came from such an unusual source.

“Sorry, ‘Haku.’ You had your chance and you blew it,” he whispered.

A decisive flicker of thumbs over the keypad changed the screen.

_-Message deleted. New messages: 0-_

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Kyo sat in his preparation room, smoking and staring at his reflection in the mirror critically. He’d done his hair and make-up differently tonight, much more subdued than usual, and he was trying to decide if he liked the effect. It was more natural, that was for sure, but was that better? He definitely thought the blue contacts had a cool effect with his bleached hair, always had. But was he attractive enough to forgo so much of his usual primping? He worried sometimes about looking too soft _._

Eventually he shook his head, coming to the conclusion that he was just feeling self-conscious because he was wearing Toshiya’s clothing instead of his own. Denim shorts with frayed edges fit him like a second skin, leopard-print tights and tattered fishnets covered his legs down to the tops of his heavy boots. A collection of belts draped and crossed loosely over his hips. His ruffled, black shirt was open and sleeveless, but a careful selection of bracelets climbed his forearms, jingling every time he moved. He felt simultaneously naked and over-dressed, which he supposed was the look Toshiya had been going for.

Shifting his thoughts past his appearance, he smiled into the mirror, feeling a little thrill of anticipation for the show he had planned. He had so little to give Kaoru in return for his affection and generosity, since his possessions were still firmly in Hakuei’s custody, and it wasn’t like he had anything Kaoru would want. He could only clean so much, and Kaoru never seemed all that interested in food, no matter what he made. But after the week he’d just had – exploring a new and exciting relationship with the man, being cherished so openly and so reverently, like he was precious – he felt he had to do _something_ for him.

It had occurred to him on Wednesday night, what he had to give. Kaoru liked to hear him sing, and tonight… tonight, he planned to pour every last drop of himself into his show for the man, his physical limitations be damned. If he was mute for life by the end of this set, he would at least know that he had given everything he had for the man he was quickly coming to care so deeply for. He glanced at the clock and stubbed out his cigarette, moving eagerly down the hall. When at last he took to the darkened stage, plucking his microphone out of its stand deftly, eyes turned pale blue sought and found the now-familiar intense gaze under the red glow of the bar lights. Kaoru’s lips curved into smile over the edge of his beer glass, and Kyo felt his heart skip a beat. He spared a glance at Toshiya – seated next to Kaoru at the bar, engrossed in a conversation with Die – and Shinya – pausing in his duties just long enough to wave to him – before bowing his head in preparation.

A slow piano tune started trickling out of the speakers, and the bar quieted a bit in anticipation. Guitars and drums rushed in suddenly, building up then fading back like the tides, and the lights swept over the slender figure alone on the stage as a low voice, soft and sweet, rolled out over the room.

 _“I… I came here by day… but I left here in darkness and found you… found you on the way. Now… it is silver and silent… it is silver and cold. You in somber resplendence,”_ Kyo threw back his head, unleashing the full power of his voice, _“I hold!”_

The lights flared and the music swelled, washing over the room and imbuing the surging crowd with energy, Kyo shaking his head with a pained grimace as he cried out, _“Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one, your sins into_ ** _me_** _! As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer, and I’ll beg for forgiveness. Your sins into me, oh my beautiful one.”_

~*~

Toshiya had never known – couldn’t possibly have imagined – what he was getting himself into when he asked to join Kaoru and Kyo going to the club. For the past two weeks that he’d known Kyo, he’d been thinking of him as a soft, frail little human with a quiet laugh and big, bright eyes, who had once been abused by his lover. Even after the man had stopped taking his debilitating pain killers and a more boisterous laugh and a slightly obscene sense of humor began to surface, he’d forgotten what Kaoru had told him of Kyo’s shows. He had focused instead on the simple sweetness he saw when the blonde was in the company of his doting roommate as they explored their new relationship.

But now… now he saw that sweet face twist into a ferocious mask of passion and strength. That smooth voice, so gentle at home, now screamed and shrieked and howled songs that painted beautiful thoughts with ugly words and vulgar ideas with artful prose. The man filled the stage, the building, with the intensity of his emotion and the power of his presence.

Not only that, but the way he was moving! Toshiya had worried at first that the outfit he’d chosen for the blonde was too blatantly revealing, incongruous with what he’d thought of a shy, introverted personality. Now he knew that it didn’t really matter what the man was wearing because, on stage – with his hips twisting and his belly undulating hypnotically and his tongue coming out to trace ever-so-temptingly over his upper lip – Kyo absolutely oozed sensuality.

Though if Toshiya had been blind and deaf, he still would have been blown away by Kyo’s performance. The energy he was releasing came in a low trickle that surged whenever songs would reach high points, but it never achieved the full flooding force that came from physical climax. It was thick and heady, saccharine with an underlying heat that again made Toshiya think of nothing more than honeyed ginger, and it was absolutely _addictive_.

“K-Kaoru…” Toshiya’s voice was shaking. “Kao, how… can you stand this?”

He never, never should have opened himself the way he had. He’d consumed as much of the spicy-sweet power as he could, eagerly lapping up every last trace as it was released. It was like an hour and a half of foreplay and he found himself going mad with want for more. Even when he’d eaten his fill, he found he couldn’t stop absorbing it, his body was so used to following the slow stream of building pleasure to the raging torrent unleashed by orgasm. He felt at once bloated and starved, filled to the brim but still craving the rush of full release.

“Kaoru, I… I need help, I think… I think I’m losing it..."

Kaoru looked a bit drunk, with glazed eyes and flushed cheeks. Kyo had spent much of the show staring at him, and in those moments it was like they were alone and the blonde was singing just for him. It was enthralling. Hearing the strain in his younger friend’s voice, he forced himself to look away from the figure on stage. He was startled to find Toshiya’s face had gone sickly pale, the irises of his eyes spreading dangerously and beginning to take on a blue tinge. The fingers that reached out to grip his arm were becoming too long, and the nails were becoming sharp and black.

“Shit, Totchi, are you okay? Hey, come on, get a hold of yourself,” Kaoru whispered furtively, putting an arm around his roommate’s thin shoulders. If Toshiya lost control of himself here, there was no way he could Sway everyone in the club to forget what they saw.

“I can’t, Kao, I… I feel so… nnnh!” Toshiya whined anxiously.

“Hey, are you doing alright?” Die, ever vigilant, had seen the strained hunch of Toshiya’s shoulders and moved over to check on them. “Is he sick?”

“He’s okay; I think he just needs some fresh air,” Kaoru assured the redhead.

“There.” Die pointed to a half-obscured doorway off to one side of the stage. “Go straight through that hallway, the door at the end goes out into a secured ally. This should be Kyo’s last song, and he always goes out there to smoke when he’s done. You can meet up with him there.”

“Thanks, Die,” Kaoru called over his shoulder as he ushered Toshiya through the crowded room toward the door.

In the alley, Toshiya fell to his hands and knees panting as he strove to regain control. He cried out in pain as his bones shifted back and forth restlessly between his human disguise and his true form. A sinuous tail came out, lashed once, then shrank back in. Black horns sprouted and spiraled elegantly at the side of his head, then disappeared into soft black hair. Ears lengthened, sprouting a velvet layer of silver grey fur and curling into long, soft tubes pressed back against his skull in distress, then dwindled back into shallow shells.

Kaoru knelt next to his friend, one hand on the man’s long back as he watched the endless shifting. “Come on, Toshiya… come on, you have to block it now, you’ve had enough. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Toshiya whimpered, panic clutching at his chest. “I can’t… I can’t let it go! I can’t… please help me, Kao, you have to help me, I can’t-”

“Shhh, breathe Totchi, breathe. It’s okay, I’m here, you’ll be okay,” Kaoru murmured. “ _Breathe…_ in and out, with me, come on now.”

With brick walls and distance between himself and the source of that maddening trickle, Toshiya squeezed his eyes shut and focused on Kaoru’s low, soothing voice. With effort, he forced himself to fall into unison with his roommate’s slow, even breathing and settled his frantic mind enough to lower his mental defenses. He felt a presence so much older and more powerful than his own come between him and Kyo, cutting off the stream he’d been feeding on, and gasped with pained relief. As his body slowly settled into its human form, he sat back against the brick wall, panting. He still felt sick and overstuffed, but the pressing need for more wasn’t straining at him anymore.

“Okay?” Kaoru asked, his voice heavy with concern as he pulled back out of his younger friend’s mind.

“Yeah… thanks, Kaoru, I… I don’t think I could have stopped it on my own,” Toshiya admitted. He accepted the hand extended to him and stood a bit shakily, dusting himself off. “I was just waiting for… I wanted…”

“The big finish?” Kaoru asked with a knowing half-smile.

“Yeah… you feel it too, then?”

“Every damn time.”

“How did you do this every week?”

Kaoru rubbed the back of his head abashedly. “I usually get pretty drunk when I come here.”

Toshiya chuckled, rubbing one hand over his face tiredly. “You just didn’t need to this time ‘cause you’ve had him all to yourself all week.”

Kaoru grinned a little indulgently. He had been somewhat gluttonous since he and Kyo first kissed the previous Friday. They still hadn’t gone past kissing and heavy petting; he worried about rushing the younger man so close on the heels of a bad relationship, and so he waited for the blonde to make the next move. Kyo didn’t seem to mind letting things slow down a little after coming together so abruptly, but he did frequently entertain fantasies about his new boyfriend that Kaoru couldn’t help but bring to life when the blonde slept. The wet dreams he spun for his mortal treasure were wild and wonderful things that left Kyo sticky and slick with sweat and other messes, and – though he was careful not to overfeed like before – had Kaoru veritably glowing with regained health.

Toshiya ran a hand through his hair, heaving a relieved sigh. “Fuck, that was lucky, huh? I was worried Kyo was going to walk out while I was still, you know… freaking out.”

Kaoru laughed a little, “Yeah, me too. He should be out soon though, I think. I can’t hear him singing anymore, can you?”

“No, actually. Now that you mention it, I haven’t heard him for a while now…”

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

Kyo’s chest, bare now and shining with sweat, heaved as he let the microphone slide out of his fingers to land softly on the stage. The crowd’s final farewell cheers faded into the usual club chatter as he walked away, bass-heavy dance music starting up behind him. Once out of sight, Kyo hurried into his preparation room to grab his jacket; he’d seen Kaoru lead a very sick-looking Toshiya out toward the alley, and they still hadn’t come back. He was worried for his lanky friend. As he collected his jacket from the back of his rickety little folding chair and slipped tiredly into it, he felt arms wrap around him from behind, one around his arms just over the elbows, the other draping across his collarbone. For a split second, his heart fluttered, thinking it was Kaoru, but dread struck him cold as he saw thin black braids sliding over his shoulder. He tensed, eyes wide, and the arms clamped down viciously, pinning him against a familiar, hard chest.

“ _H-… Hakuei?!_ ” Kyo’s voice was almost inaudible, drained to an empty rasp after singing so hard for so long.

“Hey, Sweetness. Have you missed me?” Hakuei whispered against his ear, sober but undeniably malicious.

Kyo’s mind stuttered to a stop, until only one thought remained. _‘No… oh gods, no…’_

The blonde flew into a panic, bucking and thrashing against the hold, kicking the chair into mirror and knocking his things off the table. He tried to scream, but nothing came out, and somehow his own silent scream ramped him into a fever pitch of terror. Hakuei grunted at the frantic struggling and the arm around Kyo’s neck disappeared. The younger man distantly registered the familiar flick of a folding knife being opened, and froze with a soundless whimper as he felt the sting of a sharp blade sliding ominously along the soft flesh of his side. A thin trail of blood slid down the steel edge to drip on the floor from under the edge of his jacket.

“Come. We need to talk,” Hakuei crooned.

Kyo was lead out of the club at knifepoint. He still couldn’t find Kaoru or Toshiya, and Hakuei kept him at enough of a distance from the bar that Die and Shinya never noticed them, busy as they were tending the crush of customers. No one they passed seemed to notice the tremors wracking his body, or the stark fear written across his features; mistaking the restrictive, threatening embrace for a loving one. Held tightly against Hakuei’s chest, he was led down the street to the subway station.

“ _Hakuei… Haku please, don’t do this!_ ” He tried to say, desperately straining to force his voice back to life. “ _Please, let me go!_ ”

The braided man either didn’t hear him, or didn’t care. Kyo was pulled to sit on the stiff bench, pressed against Hakuei’s side, shaking with terror as the train shuddered into motion. The car was empty but for an elderly man that was steadfastly ignoring them with a look of mild disgust; no doubt sickened by the sight of two pierced, tattooed men wrapped in one another’s arms. He would never look close enough at them to see Kyo’s predicament. Kyo clamped his eyes shut and tried not move for fear of that knife slipping between his ribs, ending him on a dirty aluminum floor.

Hakuei’s low voice murmured in his ear, “Relax, Baby. I was angry with you before for cheating on me, but I know you’re sorry. I forgive you. You can come back home and we can be together again.”

Kyo cringed and tried to keep his breathing level through his growing panic. “ _I don’t want to be together again! You’ve lost your fucking mind!_ ”

Hakuei nuzzled into spiked blonde hair, letting the knife dig further into his ex-lover’s side. “I know you missed me. I missed you too, Beautiful, but it’s okay now. I’m going to take care of everything, don’t you worry. I’ll make sure no one takes you away from me ever again.”

“ _Hakuei, please stop this! You’re scaring me!_ ”

Kyo felt the slide of a tongue along the curve of his ear and shuddered. The warm, wet caress along over-sensitive nerves had once been so damned erotic it would steal the breath from his lungs. Now it just felt slimy and sick, making his stomach quiver with disgust.

They reached the end of the line, and he was led up the stairs that had nearly killed him, to the apartment he’d once called home. In the two weeks he’d been gone, Hakuei had clearly reached the end of his rope. The only piece of furniture still intact was the couch, everything else lying in shattered fragments; the television had part of a chair leg embedded in the screen. Shattered beer bottles were everywhere, their remains turning so much of the floor into a minefield of broken glass under faint yellow stains streaking over the once-white walls they’d been thrown against.

“You’re home now, Sugar, right where you belong. I’m going to make you forget all about those other bastards. You’re all mine.”

Kyo was released inside the bedroom, and spun around quickly when he heard the knife hit the floor with a dull thud. Hakuei never skipped a beat, hands moving to pull impatiently at the multitude of belts wrapped around his ex-lover’s narrow hips and for a second, Kyo was too terrified by the older man’s wild, frenzied stare to move. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want Hakuei, couldn’t stand the thought of those vicious hands on him, but the braided man had dragged him here by knifepoint _,_ and he had no way of knowing how far the man would go to get what he wanted. He was afraid to find out, and fear froze him in place.

Then Kaoru’s face flashed into his mind. They’d never spoken of devotion or love in the short week that they’d been together, but the thought of allowing their fragile, new relationship to be spoiled this way was more than he could bear. Somehow the thought of hurting Kaoru, betraying him by allowing this travesty of what had once been love, was worse than any retribution Hakuei could offer. A new fear overrode the first, but this one instilled in him the will – the _need_ – to fight back. His arms came up of their own volition and pushed against the older man with all of his strength, refusing him for the first time since they’d met.

“ _No, goddamn it! I’m not yours; I won’t be yours ever again!_ ”

The rejection snapped the older man’s final tenuous thread of calm, and he roared as he sent a large fist crashing against Kyo’s mouth, knocking him to the ground. Kyo cried out and threw his arms up in defense as long legs straddled his hips, but Hakuei was too strong for him. Those fists beat into his head and torso again and again, until he could hardly see or think straight, until he couldn’t even try to shield himself anymore and all he could do was struggle to remain conscious.

“YOU FUCKING SON OF A BITCH! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WHORE! HOW GODDAMN DARE YOU TELL ME NO?! YOU’RE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT; YOU SHOULD BE _BEGGING_ ME TO FUCK YOU! YOU’RE MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME?! MINE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!”

His jacket was torn away from him while he was still stunned, and he could feel his belts being pulled off, hear them clattering to the floor. When he felt hands pulling at the button of his pants, he snapped back to himself in panic, bucking wildly, his mouth open in a soundless scream. Clawing at the floor, his hand hit the hilt of the knife and he grabbed onto it, lashing out and slicing Hakuei’s chest deeply. The older man jerked back with a startled yell, and Kyo flipped desperately onto his belly, trying to drag himself out from under his ex-lover.

“BITCH!”

Hakuei was panting and snarling, his once-handsome face twisted into a mask of unadulterated rage. He grabbed a fistful of Kyo’s hair in one hand to grind his face into the ground, pulling himself up to press one knee into Kyo’s bare back. Blood from his chest wound dripped onto the pale flesh beneath him, staining it beautifully and inciting him further into his frenzy. His free hand grabbed one of the leather belts and looped it around the smaller man’s slender neck, hauling on the tail end viciously.

Kyo struggled with everything he had, hands pulling at the leather choking the air out of him, but his movements were quickly becoming sluggish and weak. The shallow wound in his side seeped a steady trail of red, making the floor beneath him slick and sticky. His face, contorted with terror and pain, was already beginning to show signs of swelling and bruising from the barrage of punches, blood bubbling from a split lip in a gasping mouth. He sobbed helplessly, sure he was going to die here, broken and bleeding under a man he’d once loved.

As his vision began to grey around the edges, he heard the sound of glass shattering, and the weight on his back disappeared just before something heavy went crashing into the wall behind him. Hands slicked with rain pulled at the binding around his throat, freeing him to gasp and cough, filling his aching lungs. He was rolled onto his back, and had to choke back another silent scream, eyes wide with terror and confusion. It looked like Kaoru’s face hovering over him, but so many parts of it were entirely wrong.

He realized he must have died, and this creature wearing a Kaoru mask was here to take him to hell. Purple eyes caught his gaze, and he slipped gratefully into unconsciousness.

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Kaoru sat quietly, chin resting on interlaced fingers as he watched over the small figure on the bed before him. After the night he’d had, he was savoring the peaceful moment. Finding Kyo’s preparation room at the club trashed had been jarring enough, but the drops of blood on the floor had shaken him to the core. He had tasted Hakuei’s rage on the air – fresh and thick as if it had been festering there for some time – as well as the acrid tang of Kyo’s fear. Toshiya’s frantic calls had gone completely unheeded as he stormed back out into the alley.

In a fit of uncharacteristically poor judgment, he’d slipped into his natural form and scaled the building, crossing the city over rain-slicked rooftops on powerful, inhuman legs. It was faster than driving, but he was phenomenally lucky that heavy rain had the humans below huddled under umbrellas, allowing him to pass unnoticed overhead. As it was, some would probably wonder about the deep gouges his claws had left in more than a couple rooftops on some of the harder landings. And then, reaching his destination and finding that braided son of a bitch crushing Kyo to the floor, strangling the smaller blonde with a belt like a damned leash… Kaoru had never known such rage in any of his lifetimes.

Now, dark chocolate eyes began to drift ever-so-slowly shut as the hypnotic rise and fall of a thin, bandaged chest lulled him dangerously close to sleep. The object of his focus stirred just a little and issued a soft sigh, and Kaoru’s eyes snapped back open attentively. Scooting forward in his chair, he reached out one hand to twine his fingers with Kyo’s, careful not to disturb his precious mortal treasure. He didn’t have even the infinitesimal amount of energy required to keep the blonde asleep.

A familiar wave of soft warmth slid past him to settle over Kyo, keeping him locked in that deep, healing coma as Toshiya came to stand at Kaoru’s side. “…Well?”

“He… he thinks that Hakuei was waiting for him in his room after the show… drunk off his ass, and they got into an argument. That the bastard got him by the throat and threw him into the mirror… came after him with the knife. That Hakuei was… was punching him when we came looking for him and that… that he passed out after we pulled them apart. It covers the neck bruise, the cut in his side, and… and his face…” Kaoru swallowed thickly, and the tears he’d thought he was out of threatened again.

He had been toiling for hours, using every last drop of energy he had to reshape Kyo’s memories of the evening. Using Kyo’s own prior experiences with Hakuei, he’d let the blonde’s own unconscious imagination create the story the way he would expect such a confrontation to go, lending authenticity to the false images. In rewriting the memories, Kaoru'd had to watch the real ones over and over again to make sure the pieces fit properly. Seeing Hakuei’s large form straddling Kyo’s thin hips, hitting him again and again, feeling Kyo’s helpless desperation and pain…

Toshiya wrapped long arms around his friend’s shoulders, steadying the tremors that ran through the older man. “I didn’t think Hakuei was drunk.”

Kaoru snarled, “He wasn’t, but Kyo believes that the son of a bitch will only hit him if he is. Hakuei always drinks the same cheap beer, and the smell of it is attached to every single goddamn memory of him abusing Kyo, so I had to use it to make it real enough for him to accept.”

The younger man cocked his head to one side thoughtfully, looking down at his friend curiously. “So… Hakuei is waiting for him in the dressing room, they argue, they fight, we rush in and save the day? Is that right?”

Kaoru exhaled tiredly. “Yeah.”

“I can’t help but notice you, ah… you left out a little detail in there, Kao.”

“…”

Toshiya sighed, his voice gentle but firm. “Kaoru, Hakuei tried to rape him. He deserves to know that he fought back. The man’s been beating him down for months and last night, he had the strength to push back. It’s important; he deserves that closure. …And how were you even able erase something like that? The trauma should have left too deep an impression for you to remove.”

Kaoru shook his head desperately, his voice strained and cracking. “I… I stripped some of the sensory data… smells, tastes, background images… it took everything I had, but it’s a dream, now. A vivid one, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t let it be real, Totchi. Don’t you understand? I could _feel_ that filthy bastard’s hands, grabbing and pulling, I could feel Kyo’s fear and… I couldn’t let it happen. Not to him.”

Toshiya bit his lip and held his roommate closer.

Kaoru’s voice wavered dangerously. “He was thinking of me, Totchi… he fought back so that… so that _I_ wouldn’t be hurt by him cheating. He would have let it happen, otherwise, he almost let the bastard rape him because he was afraid to fight back!”

“Shhh,” Toshiya murmured, running his fingers through the older man’s hair. “It’s okay now. He’s safe and home with us, and Hakuei won’t be bothering him ever again.”

Dark eyes looked up at his taller friend. “It went okay, then?”

“Better than I expected. It was a hell of a thing you asked for, but I got it done. Called in some acquaintances to help wipe Hakuei’s memory of the last year, and we staged a convincing enough car accident to account for the amnesia. He’s in the hospital now with a head injury, a couple of cracked ribs, and a broken arm.” He frowned a little. “It… was weird, being in his head. He really did love Kyo, at least in the beginning, but something about it got twisted somewhere along the line. After a while he started to get obsessive and jealous, he was so afraid of losing him, and things just sort of spiraled out of control from there. It’s kind of sad, really… Still, I wish you would have let me just kill him. I had to call in an awful lot of favors to get this done.”

Kaoru shook his head resolutely, though he’d have loved nothing more than to have murdered Kyo’s ex-lover himself. “You’re still too young to know what killing them does to us. I can’t let you ruin yourself like that. Besides, if he went missing or showed up dead, it would almost certainly come back to Kyo, and he doesn’t need that.”

“Mm… I suppose. My friends are working on the apartment now, cleaning up all the blood and the window you broke. Hakuei will be in the hospital for at least a week, so you have some time to take Kyo over for his things.”

“Thank you, Toshiya. I owe you.”

“You sure do. That’ll go a long way to replacing some of those favors I called in.” Toshiya mussed Kaoru’s hair fondly and turned to leave. “I’m going to get some sleep. Try to do the same, alright? He’s not going anywhere.”

“Aa…” was Kaoru’s noncommittal reply.

“Oh!” Toshiya dug in one pocket and pulled something out, pressing it into Kaoru’s free hand. “And I grabbed these before I left. They felt very sentimental.”

Toshiya left with one last pat on his friend’s shoulder, leaving the blanket of compulsory sleep over Kyo behind him. Kaoru looked down at the items in his hand. One was a folding knife, its polished ebony handle elegantly engraved with the character for Kyo’s name. Kaoru couldn’t imagine its significance, and that the blonde would be emotionally attached to the little blade was curious, but Kaoru didn’t doubt it. It was obviously well-loved; the blade kept clean and deadly sharp, the hinge mechanism oiled to flip open and shut smoothly, the handle worn smooth with frequent use. The other item…

The other item Kaoru held was the scorpion necklace he’d given Kyo what seemed like so long ago. He’d all but forgotten about it in the wake of everything that had happened, the charm having been such an impulsive gift. It was a pretty enough trinket, and Kyo had seemed fond of it at the time, but Kaoru had never really thought it was anything spectacular or even particularly noteworthy. Apparently, he had been quite wrong.

Kaoru, like all incubi, had some inherent empathic ability, but it was Toshiya who was particularly gifted in that regard. Between the two of them, only the younger man could sense residual emotions on inanimate objects, so Kaoru had long-since learned to take his roommate at his word in such matters. If Toshiya said the necklace was sentimental to Kyo, it was. With careful hands, he lifted the blonde’s head just enough to slip the chain around his bruised neck and fasten it, letting the silver charm come back to rest in the dip of his collarbone. Under Toshiya’s lingering influence, Kyo slept right through the motions, and Kaoru reclaimed the younger man’s hand when he was settled again.

It was a painful struggle to stay awake, but he resisted sleep with every fiber of his being. He had failed to protect Kyo. When the man needed him most, he wasn’t there, and as a result the blonde had very nearly been defiled and killed. It was a chilling realization; humans were just so damned fragile and Kyo, in spite of himself, seemed to be even more so than most. The fear that he would wake up to find that this was a dream and he hadn’t actually made it in time – that the vibrant little creature holding his heart in a vice grip had been raped and murdered – was crippling.

“I’m sorry, Kyo…“ he whispered shakily, pressing his forehead against the smaller, tattooed hand he clung to. “I’m so sorry…”

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

Standing in front of the squat, run-down little apartment building that he’d once called home, Kyo stared up at its dingy façade apprehensively. At his side, Kaoru was watching him with a troubled frown. He couldn’t help his over-protective concern; only two days after the incident with Hakuei, Kyo was still horrifically bruised, looking to Kaoru like nothing so much as a battered porcelain doll. The blonde reached out one hand, just a little, and the older man caught it immediately, lacing their fingers together.

“You’re sure he’s not home?” Kyo asked softly.

Kaoru nodded. “Positive. I spoke to the hospital this morning; he won’t be out for several days yet. We have time to come back another day, if you’re not feeling up to this.”

“…” Kyo shook his head and started forward to begin climbing the stairs. “No, I… I just want to get it over with.”

In front of a familiar door, Kyo jammed his key in the lock and twisted, hesitating for a short moment. Kaoru squeezed his other hand gently and he took a breath, pushing the door open decisively. He watched closely as the blonde stepped inside, looking for any signs of confusion or recollection. The memory wipe he’d performed the other day had been a massive undertaking, and one that went beyond what his abilities were strictly intended for. If he’d missed something, if Kyo had retained some fragment that hinted at him having been here recently…

“Shit…” Kyo breathed, taking in the horrific state of his old living room.

Kaoru relaxed a bit, schooling his face into an expression of concern. “Is it always like this?”

“No, of course not! It’s never this messed up!” The blonde’s face fell a little. “That is… I mean, he’s thrown things before, when he’s upset, but…”

“But you usually cleaned up after him,” Kaoru guessed.

Kyo reached out one foot and delicately nudged the shattered pile of glass, wires, and wood that had once been a lamp. His home…

“Maybe we should keep our shoes on. There are an awful lot of broken beer bottles on the ground.”

Kyo had to agree, but was visibly uncomfortable as he walked down the hall wearing his boots. “I guess we can start in the bedroom. My clothes are all… folded… in…”

The blonde stood in the doorway to the bedroom, looking strained. Kaoru came to stand behind him, peering over his shoulder as if he didn’t already know what he would find. Even before his memory had been wiped, Kyo hadn’t noticed the other night that all of his clothes had been pulled out of drawers and off of hangers. Some of them were ripped apart, others twisted into balled up wads of fabric – all of them had been strewn over the bed as if to form a nest. Hakuei had been sleeping in a pile of his ex-lover’s clothing. Kyo moved stiffly to stand next to the bed, reaching out to pick up one of his favorite shirts, which had been torn to shreds.

“…Kaoru…”

“Yeah, Kyo?”

“What… what did I do to him? All of this, because of me…” the blonde looked back at the older man, looking scared, “I drove him mad, Kaoru. And now he’s in the hospital with brain damage… he could have died! That car could have killed him and it would have been my fault!”

Kaoru walked over to the younger man and took the ragged cloth out of his hands gently before cupping his face in both hands, bringing the blonde’s gaze up to meet his own. “None of this is your fault, Kyo.”

Kyo looked like he desperately wanted to believe the older man, but was unable to do so. “You don’t understand, I-”

“ _None_ of it,” Kaoru interrupted sternly, kissing the blonde gently to soften the impact of his tone. “You didn’t throw him in front of that car; he ran out into the street on his own.”

“But only because he was drunk! I shouldn’t have yelled at him, I knew he would lose his temper and I just cursed at him and told him we were through. Maybe… maybe I could have calmed him down… made him understand that I… I didn’t want to be with him anymore…” Kyo’s voice trailed off, not fully believing his own words. “Look at this place… I hurt him so badly…”

“He the one that kicked you out, Kyo. He nearly killed you, throwing you down those stairs, and then he waited for you to come crawling back when starvation or homelessness became too much. Any hurt he felt as a result of your absence, he brought on himself.”

Kyo winced, looking away. “I… you knew?”

“Knew what? That you didn’t just happen to fall down the stairs and punch yourself in the ear until you were half-deaf? Yeah, I knew, just like I knew where the bruises on your arm came from – and the swollen cheek, and the split lip, and the black eye. The same damn place all _these_ bruises came from!” Kaoru’s voice was harsher than he intended, startling even himself. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around the younger man, forcing himself to steady his building temper. “Look, I’m sorry, but… goddamn it, Kyo, I’m not going to let you beat yourself up over this. He did more than enough of that, you don't need anymore.”

Kyo hid his battered face against the older man’s chest, his soft voice muffled. “…was it really that bad?”

“Yes, Kyo. It was. He hit you, and no matter how drunk he was, no matter what you were arguing about, there’s no excuse for that. _None. Of. This. Is. Your. Fault._ ”

The words echoed silently between them for a long time. Kaoru lowered his empathic shields carefully, blocking off the barrage of emotions coming from the other humans in the apartment complex and focusing on the blonde pressed against him. A little bit of guilt remained, but mostly he felt regret and shame. Kyo was slowly coming to accept that there was nothing he could have done to fix what was wrong with Hakuei, even if he was sad for how things turned out, and humiliated at having let them go so far. There was nothing else that Kaoru could do or say for now to help his lover sort those feelings, save for what he was already doing. He brought his shields back up and simply held Kyo close, letting the blonde hide against him for as long as he needed to regain his composure.

Eventually, Kyo took a deep breath and pulled away, squaring his shoulders. “Let’s just… I just want to get my things and get out of here.”

“Alright.” Kaoru smiled and brushed Kyo’s bangs out of his face gently, planting a light kiss on his forehead. “Why don’t you start getting everything together and I’ll go grab the bags out of the car. You’re sure it’s all going to fit?”

“Yeah, it’s just clothes and stuff. All the furniture was his.”

Kaoru left to collect the empty duffle bags they’d brought for Kyo’s belongings, but he didn’t go back to the bedroom right away. He spent a few minutes collecting every photograph he could find of Kyo, or Hakuei and Kyo together. When Hakuei returned, there needed to be no trace of the blonde remaining. He took frames off the walls, off the refrigerator, off of shelves in every room; even dug through drawers and bookshelves until he was sure he had every last one. The temptation was strong to destroy some of them; happy-seeming images of a tall, braided man with tattooed arms wrapped around a shorter blonde, all bright eyes and easy smiles, but all Kaoru could see in those pictures were the little hints of bruises and scrapes, imperfectly hidden under arm bands or make up or long-sleeve shirts. He forced himself to store all of them safely in a side pouch of one of the bags for Kyo to deal with at his own discretion. Only when his task was completed did he return to check in on his companion.

Kyo was out of sight when he returned, but Kaoru saw the carefully organized piles the blonde had been sorting his possessions into and set to work packing them away. Handling the younger man’s belongings made Kaoru a bit sad. Clothes, books, CDs, figurines, jewelry, notebooks – Kyo had very little to his name, and all of it was worn with age and frequent use. His precious mortal treasure deserved better. A soft shuffle caught Kaoru’s attention, and he found Kyo coming out of a deep closet with an odd look on his face, staring down at the large cardboard box he carried in both arms.

“Are you alright?” Kaoru asked worriedly.

“Yeah…” Kyo’s mouth pulled into a slow, sweet smile as he set the box down next to his other piles. “I’d just forgotten about this.”

“What’s in it?”

“All of the clothes my mom and grandmother made for me before I moved away; a few yukata and jinbei for the summer time and a super thick hanten for winter. I’ll show you later, when we get… home…” Kyo hesitated, his smile faltering. “Oh… Kaoru...”

“Yes, Kyo?”

“I’m sorry, I… completely took it for granted… is… is it okay if I stay with you for a while longer?”

Kaoru blinked, then chuckled a bit and reached a hand out to ruffle blond hair fondly. “Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I’ve had trouble finding a job but… I can help with rent a little with what I make at the club until I do.”

“You don’t have to worry about things like that anymore, Kyo. There’s no need to rush. I’ll not be letting you go any time soon.”

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

“You’re sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Kaoru asked, for the third time.

Kyo pulled the older man down by the collar of his shirt and nipped at thin lips lightly, teasing. “Yes. I promise, I survived twenty-five whole years without you. I can handle a couple more hours. Now go to work.”

Kaoru’s hands came up to tangle into blonde hair, leaning down to kiss him properly. Tongues slid against one another languidly, teeth grazed over soft lips, hands gripped tightly onto hair and clothes. When they finally parted for air, Kaoru nuzzled against a soft, pierced ear. “You’re sure?”

“Go!” Kyo laughed, exasperated, pushing the older man out through the open front door.

Watching Kaoru walk away with a final wave, Kyo shook his head and shut the door. Damn Kaoru, getting him all riled up. He was going to meet with his editor, and they could hardly do anything fun in his boss’ office. Although if the opportunity arose to do so, the blonde would have in a heartbeat, spectators be damned. He was going crazy with want for Kaoru, but the older man seemed reluctant to do anything beyond kissing and maybe a little heavy petting. It had been over three weeks since his run-in with Hakuei in the bar, and he had healed fairly quickly, but still Kaoru treated him like he was made of glass. He always left Kyo as he was now, electricity coursing through his veins and aching with unfulfilled desire.

Well, his would-be lover was going to be at work for a couple hours, and Toshiya was, as usual, out with friends. He had originally planned to use the privacy to tidy the apartment a bit, since Kaoru didn’t like that he always tried to clean up after him and Toshiya, but now his nerves were singing and his pants were tight, and he abruptly had other plans. Padding quickly and quietly to his room – now welcomingly full of his own belongings – he flicked on his stereo and turned it up just loud enough to cover any sounds he wouldn’t be able to stifle. Heavy, pounding music washed over him and he purred as he yanked his shirt over his head, throwing the thin fabric across the room. With a shiver of thrill washing over him, he ran both hands down his chest and abdomen, fingers fleeting teasingly over the waist of his pants. Simple self-gratification wasn’t enough; he wanted _Kaoru_ , and so when he fell back onto to the bed, he closed his eyes and imagined the older man kneeling over him. He imagined that the hands meandering their way in exploration across his torso were thin and covered with elegant, dripping tattoos, and the thought brought an indulgent moan from his throat.

One of the hands drifted, of its own accord, to toy with the button of his pants. He gasped and pushed his hips up into the light touch, toes curling into the soft covers beneath him. A whimpering groan passed full lips as the button was undone and the zipper beneath was slowly _,_ torturously pulled down, the thin vibration sending sparks through his groin. The fingers of the other hand pinched and tweaked just a little too roughly at the small, sensitive nubs of golden pink nipples, causing him to jerk and drop his head back into the pillow. He had to bite his lip to keep from crying out, and the taste of blood only served to quicken his already rapid pulse.

Hips bucked and legs writhed against the bed, sliding loose pants off by inches at a time until he kicked them to the floor. Fully nude, he splayed lean thighs shamelessly as those damned teasing fingers brushed a feather soft touch along the length of his straining erection. He panted and moaned harshly, chest glistening with sweat, as he rocked up against his hand impatiently, torturing himself with visions of a wicked smirk on thin lips and predatory eyes gone dark with lust.

“Nnn, Kaoru…” The growl was pleading, throaty and heavy with need. “Please…”

A soft thud answered his entreaty, and his eyes snapped open. Standing in the door way, wide-eyed and gaping, laptop bag in a forgotten heap at his feet, was Kaoru. The shallow bend of Kyo’s lean legs did absolutely nothing to obscure the man’s view, and he took everything in with a shocked, hungry stare. The blonde was perfectly still for a moment. He’d just been caught naked, dick-in-hand, and the older man had obviously heard him moaning his name. There might have been some graceful way out of the decidedly-awkward situation, but the blonde was too far gone with lust to think of it.

_‘…Fuck it.’_

Fully gripping his arousal, Kyo started to stroke himself languidly. Burnt gold eyes met dark chocolate, and Kyo ran the tip of his tongue slowly, boldly over his upper lip. He may as well put on a show, now that he had an audience.

Kaoru was moving towards the bed before he realized it, shedding his jacket on the way. The thin stream of honeyed-ginger energy the younger man exuded was fully intoxicating, and he lapped it up eagerly. His knees hit the mattress and he crawled onto it to kneel between the blonde’s legs, caught up almost immediately in a deeply passionate kiss. Small hands with clever fingers unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders impatiently before sliding down his chest to undo his belt and throw the leather aside. Their mouths broke apart and Kaoru’s trailed down to lick and nip at the younger man’s jaw, neck, and collarbone.

Kaoru felt his pants come undone and one hand slide inside insistently, and gasped against the blonde’s shoulder. “K-Kyo… fuck!”

Kyo’s answering chuckle was a wicked sound that sent excited shivers down the older man’s spine. “Top drawer.”

With a skilled hand manipulating his rapidly-building arousal, it took Kaoru a minute to register the words. He reached over to throw open the drawer of the nightstand and rummaged around blindly until his hand hit the only object inside: a plastic tube. As he recognized the lube for what it was, he had to hide his face against Kyo’s neck when his vision became too sharp, too bright. He knew he was losing control, and his eyes were changing.

“Kyo… you mean…?”

Kyo bit the older man’s ear, then eased the sting with a gentle flick of his tongue, whispering into the shell, “Sorry, am I being too subtle? I want you to fuck me, Kaoru. _Now._ ”

Kaoru moaned and snapped the tube open, coating his fingers with slick oil before pressing the first two slowly, carefully, into Kyo. The blonde released a purring groan, rocking back against the invasion, hands coming up to clutch at the older man’s shoulders. Kaoru fought valiantly to control himself even as he carefully stretched the tight orifice that he wanted so desperately to plunge into with wild abandon. His little lover did nothing to help his struggle, making all sorts of wonderfully needy sounds, gasping and moaning and growling his name when he added a third finger, writhing deliciously underneath him.

It was too much. He pulled back only long enough to discard his pants before hitching slender legs around his waist and pushing into the tight heat between them. With all the best intentions, he tried to enter his younger lover slowly, only to find himself buried to the hilt when the legs wrapped around him constricted with shocking force. He couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think and for one terrifying, exhilarating moment, he knew that he was in his natural form and he couldn’t go back.

When his vision cleared, he could _see_ the honey-colored energy that Kyo was releasing, and he gorged himself on it as he began driving in and out of the smaller body. The blonde head was thankfully thrown back, preventing him from seeing what his lover had become, and baring a throat that Kaoru latched onto hungrily. The salty-sweet flesh throbbed with a rapid heartbeat and he pressed his tongue against that strong pulse even as sharp teeth and powerful suction set to work staining pristine skin. Kyo was a wild creature, hips bucking and rolling to meet his every thrust, and the bed’s creaking protest could just be heard under the heavy music and their own harsh panting and groaning.

Pushing in and out of that slick, impossibly tight body with deceptively strong arms and legs wrapped around him was every bit as enthralling as he’d imagined it would be. And that voice – that powerful voice that he’d become addicted to before he even knew this stunning man’s name – was moaning shamelessly into his ear as one small hand tangled itself into his hair. Kaoru shuddered and gasped as fingers dug into the base of one of his horns, sending a jolt of pleasure coursing down his spine. His eyes snapped open as Kyo’s head came forward abruptly, registering confusion followed by shock and alarm on the younger man’s face before he caught his lover’s gaze and held it fast.

“Kao-?!”

“Shhh…” Kaoru murmured, taking hold of the blonde’s mind and settling it back down from the panic it was rapidly approaching.

Their bodies continued to move together, rocking and straining against one another fervently, even as Kaoru manipulated his lover’s perception of what was happening. He coerced the younger man’s mind to replace the vision of his true form with one of his human skin and commit that version to memory. Kyo’s eyes saw wild, writhing tendrils of hair around spiraling horns; long, furred ears curled into tubes and dark purple eyes with slitted pupils; a lashing tail and animalistic legs. But, with his gaze trapped by that of the incubus above him, his mind registered only the wholly human façade that it wanted and expected to see, believing in it wholeheartedly.

Kyo’s heady moaning reached a fever pitch as Kaoru pushed him harder, deeper into the mattress with every powerful thrust, hips bucking back up against the older man demandingly. When Kaoru felt their rhythm begin to break down into frantic, impatient rutting, he released his hold on his human lover’s mind, allowing the blonde to fully lose himself in physical pleasure. Kyo’s eyes rolled back in their sockets as his head snapped back into the pillow.

With a sharply arched back and a strained voice crying Kaoru’s name, Kyo found his release, and his lover had no choice but to do the same as his arousal was caught in a convulsing vice grip that milked him dry. That spicy-sweet, golden energy washed over Kaoru and filled him, leaving him deeply sated. With a little effort, he was able to slide back into his human form before dark gold eyes could reopen and spot anything incriminating, and with his arms and legs quivered with exertion, it was a struggle not to just collapse onto his little mortal treasure. He just barely managed to pull out before dropping to the mattress next to the blonde.

Kyo chuckled breathlessly, running one hand over his chest to wipe halfheartedly at the mess he’d made on himself. “So… you’re home early.”

"They called before I got there… meeting was cancelled,” Kaoru panted. “You always masturbate when I’m at work?”

“Constantly.” Kyo’s worn-out voice was too serious to take seriously. “Only for the past month, you goddamn tease.”

Kaoru laughed softly, one hand reaching out to grab the pack of cigarettes off the nightstand. He lit two and pressed one to Kyo’s waiting lips. “You always think of me when you do?”

“…Yeah.”

That one was honest, and warm pleasure washed over Kaoru as he shivered with contentment. He watched full lips exhale a swirling haze of grey smoke with the disjointed fascination of one only partially awake, and blew out his own cloud to mix with it. Kyo yawned, turning over to lay half on top of Kaoru, with his head on the older man’s chest and one arm flung over his waist.

“You’re sticky,” Kaoru complained halfheartedly.

“Your fault.”

Kaoru chuckled lazily and wrapped his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders, running his fingers through feathery blonde hair. Kyo, unaccustomed to feeling so drained after sex, drifted quickly and fell asleep before he could even finish his cigarette. Kaoru had to carefully remove the burning stick and stub it out before it could start dropping hot ash on his chest.

Despite the satiation that had settled deep into his bones, the older man knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep for a long while yet. He’d lost control of himself, and it was a terrifying lapse in something he’d once taken for granted. The last time he’d let his disguise slip like that, he’d been younger than Toshiya, for crying out loud. It couldn’t happen again; he couldn’t let it happen again. Kyo could never be allowed see his true face, could never feel his true hands, because if he did – if he remembered and understood what his lover truly was – Kaoru knew he would lose the tenuous love he had managed to cultivate in the man.

Even if the blonde could somehow accept the knowledge that Kaoru wasn’t human without going mad, there was no way he would stay with him. How could he? The thought of losing the creature in his arms – so vibrant and viciously sweet – made Kaoru’s chest constrict with something akin to fear. He couldn’t live without his addiction. He _wouldn’t_. Without that intoxicating honeyed-ginger energy, he knew he would starve; he couldn’t stand the thought of feeding on any humans besides this one anymore. He would do whatever it took to keep Kyo by his side. Nuzzling against soft blonde hair, Kaoru held the small form close to himself and closed his eyes as he fought off the niggling worry that this feeling was what drove Hakuei to madness.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

“I don’t think I can remember you ever looking this happy,” Shinya said, smiling fondly over his mostly-neglected smoothie.

Kyo was frowning down the wide straw of his own drink. He suspected there was a piece of fruit stuck halfway that was keeping him from enjoying his beverage. “Hn... Lots and lots of mind-blowing sex does have that effect on me.”

It was a bright, clear summer day and they sat in the blessed shade of a large fountain in a quieter part of a park’s gardens. The air was still and thick with heat, and even in shorts and sleeveless shirts they were both made sluggish by the temperature. Shinya’s chihuahua ran around their feet on a thin leash, chasing bugs when they passed and periodically jumping into their laps to sniff at their styrofoam cups.

Shinya made a face. “Do you have to be so crude all the time?”

“Seriously, like, constant fucking. All the time. I’m surprised I can even walk. Kaoru’s junk is _raw_.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Only a little. We almost burned the apartment down; I was cooking dinner and he just came up behind me, stuck a hand down my pants, and grab-”

“Kyo!”

“Alright, you damn woman.” Kyo sighed and stirred his drink absently, sharing a rare, honest smile with his friend, “I _am_ happy. Kaoru is just… amazing, you know? He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s fucking gorgeous. He can be goofy, but not all the damn time. He likes a lot of the same things I do, and even the things he doesn’t like, he’ll do them with me just because I like them. When I think about it, it seems strange that it all happened so fast, but I never really felt all that rushed. Things are just so… easy with him.”

“I’m glad to hear it. It’s nothing less than you deserve,” Shinya asserted firmly, then sighed. “I wish you had told us about Hakuei sooner…”

Kyo ducked his head a bit in shame. After Hakuei’s car accident outside the club, and with how much damage had been done to his face, it was pretty much impossible to hide it from his friends. “Sorry, Shin. It just… I don’t know, I guess it was humiliating. I don’t even know for sure when it started to go bad, but even after I realized, I just kept thinking things would get better if I just held out a little bit longer. I felt… weak for allowing it to happen.”

“’Weak’ is just about the last word I would ever use to describe you, Warumono.”

The blonde wrinkled his nose at the nickname – one that Die had assigned to him with regrettable success years ago – and went back to work trying to clear his straw. “Kaoru took me to visit him, in the hospital.”

“Oh?”

“Aa. He didn’t even recognize me. He just… winked, called me ‘Sugar,’ asked if I wanted to get drinks sometime. He was the old Hakuei again, the way he used to be when we first met… and he didn’t know me at all. The doctors don’t think his memory is ever going to fully come back.”

“Oh, Kyo… It’s probably for the best. You don’t have to worry about him coming after you again, at least.”

Talking about Hakuei was still difficult, so he shook his head and changed the subject. “It’s nice being able to hang out with you again, at least. Kao’s a bit of a hen, but he tries to give me space when I ask for it.”

“He’s not in a bush somewhere, then, spying on us?”

Kyo chuckled. “I wouldn’t put it past him, the way he hovers sometimes. No, he’s off shopping with Toshiya. After two months together, I think I’ve finally convinced him that I’m not made of glass.”

“You two are still living together?”

“Yeah. We sleep together most nights, but I still have my own room.”

“That’s good to hear. You’re not still playing housekeeper to pay for it, are you?”

“Eh, not really.” Kyo shrugged. “Kaoru doesn’t like me cleaning up after him, but I still do it when he’s at work. I finally found a job, though, so I can actually pay for the room. He wasn’t even going to let me help with rent but… I don’t know, I didn’t want to feel kept. I think he’s spending all the money I give him on things for me, though. He keeps bringing me new clothes and CDs and crap.”

Shinya chuckled a little. “It’s kind of cute, that he’s so smitten on you. Where are you working now?”

“I’m doing odd jobs. The neighborhood we live in is full of rich people with houses, and a lot of them are old, so I work for a company that hires out helpers for them. Cooking, cleaning, gardening, shit like that.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad. At least you don’t have to wear the schoolboy shorts.”

Kyo snorted, wrinkling his nose disdainfully. “No shit. The hours are flexible too, so I have plenty of time to hang out with Kao.” His brows pulled in to a slight frown behind dark sunglasses. “Although… as much as I enjoy spending time with him, there’s something kind of weird about him, sometimes.”

“Who, Kaoru? What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, I might just be paranoid but… sometimes it seems like he’s hiding something from me.”

“Do you think he might be cheating?” Shinya’s voice held a hint of threat. He’d let Hakuei abuse his friend for months without knowing, he was determined not to let Kaoru – or anyone else, ever – do the same.

“No! No, nothing like that. I don’t think so, anyway. I just… I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. Whatever it is, I think Toshiya is in on it. They share this… this _look_ and when they talk, it’s almost like they’re using some kind of code. They’ve been friends a long time though… I’m sure I’m just being paranoid. My head’s been kinda messed up lately.”

Shinya looked slightly alarmed. “‘Messed up?’ Messed up how?”

“Nothing major just… weird little lags. Sometimes I‘ll be looking at Kaoru, and it’s like I can‘t remember what just happened. Like just a few minutes have gone missing somehow. If I sit down and try to get the memory back, I get a massive headache. Now that I think about it… it’s almost always when we’re having sex.”

Shinya tilted his head thoughtfully. “That’s a bit strange. Maybe you should see a doctor? You’ve hit your head so many times recently, especially when you fell down those stairs, you may have damaged something. Have you said anything to Kaoru about it?”

Kyo snorted, waving a dismissive hand. “It’s not that bad. Besides, what would I say? What could I say that doesn’t just make me sound crazy?”

“Since when have you been concerned with sounding crazy?”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re becoming a smartass, Shinya. You’ve been spending too much time with Die.”

“Hmph! You don’t have to tell me; ever since you moved away, I can’t get rid of him. He keeps dragging me out to soccer games and trying to get me to go drinking with him. He even gave me a television, I think just so he could bother me at home with all of his TV series box sets.”

Kyo nearly choked on his smoothie, he was laughing so hard. Poor shy Shinya, who valued his privacy above all else, being set upon by over-gregarious Die, who hated to be alone; it was just a hilarious mental image. “How does the dog like the company?”

“Miyu likes him well enough, probably because he keeps giving her table scraps. I think she might be getting a bit fat…” Shinya frowned worriedly down at his dog.

Kyo picked Miyu up, puffing up his cheeks at her as she squirmed and wiggled in his hands excitedly. He’d always liked Shinya‘s pet, even if she didn’t seem terrifically fond of him at times. Today, she seemed to like him well enough, sticking her little nose out as far as she could to try to lick a smudge of smoothie off his face.

“He probably wants to bone you.”

“Excuse me?!”

Kyo chuckled at his friend’s scandalized face. “What? I bet soccer-dates and televisions are his way of asking for a tumble.”

“I’m straight, Kyo. And even if Die isn’t, I’m sure he knows that I am.”

“Pft, who cares about that? Seems like a silly thing to get hung up on, if you both enjoy spending time together. Anyways, you look enough like a woman. You think about that next time he puts one of those strong, muscley arms around your dainty little waist on one of your _dates_.” Kyo’s phone whistled cheerfully and he pulled it out, glancing at the screen. “Oh, hang on, it’s Kao.”

“Please answer it, if that will shut you up,” Shinya sighed, one hand over his face. As much as he cared for the little blonde, at the moment, he wanted to throw the man into the fountain for spouting such nonsense.

“Hey! …Yeah, we’re in the gardens by some kind of-,” Kyo frowned at the fountain, “I don’t know, it kind of looks like a hippo, I guess…” A faint smile. “Okay, we’ll see you in a minute.” Kyo clicked the phone shut and Shinya smiled that damn secretive smile of his. He scowled. “What?”

“I’m just glad to see you happy again.”

“You’re such a woman sometimes, Shin.”

“It’s womanly to be happy for a friend?”

“The way you do it, yes.”

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

Kaoru murmured to himself confusedly, stirring from his half-sleep as he felt one side of his bed dip. Peering one eye open drowsily, his heart jumping with interest when he found his lover crawling over to him on the mattress, all sensual grace and wicked intent. Kyo bit his lower lip coyly, sliding one leg slowly over Kaoru’s hip and moving to straddle him, hands resting lightly against the older man’s abdomen.

“You awake?” the blonde murmured, his voice husky and low.

“I think so. Unless this is a dream?” Kaoru answered, sliding up slowly to prop his back up against the headboard.

“Mmm…” Kyo hummed, rocking his hips experimentally against his lover’s, feeling the older man’s awakening arousal against his own insistent erection. “Awake enough for me.”

Kaoru moaned softly, eyelids fluttering indulgently. “One hell of a dream.”

Kyo grinned, peeling off his shirt and throwing it aside. His arms tucked behind his head as he began to roll and twist his hips, rubbing himself against Kaoru with a torturous slowness. He had healed from all of his previous injuries, and days working out in the sun in his client’s gardens had done wonders for his physique, all smooth, golden skin sliding over sinuously lean muscle. The glorious friction against Kaoru’s groin was absolutely maddening, and the hypnotic flex and sway of his lover’s torso set his blood coursing hot and hard through his veins. The silver scorpion pendant swung against an elegant collarbone, the flash of its polished surface muted in the dark room, and the sight of his gift made the vision above him even sweeter.

Kaoru’s body thrummed with excitement, the sight of his human treasure’s brazen, erotic movements affecting him more than he cared to admit. He tried to rock up against the younger man more quickly, seeking more contact, but Kyo only leaned forward to pin his lover’s hips down against the mattress until he stilled. Kyo’s slow, steady rhythm never faltered or changed, tormenting both of them.

Tattooed hands slid up the blonde’s sides – exploring, worshiping, loving – and Kaoru groaned, “Kyo… gods, Kyo, how long are you going to tease me like this?”

Kyo pressed his hands against the older man’s chest, leaning down to flick his tongue over the tip of an arched nose. “Until we both go so mad with want that we just break down and start rutting like mindless animals.”

Kaoru moaned again, eyelids fluttering shut with the pure rush of electricity that washed through him in response to his lover’s rumbling voice. He loved the darker, more sensual side of Kyo that surfaced from time to time. When they opened again, he was confused to see a look of shock and horror pass over the blonde’s face, a harsh gasp echoing in the silent room as the younger man jerked away from him. It dawned on him almost instantly that his control had slipped just a bit, and his now-violet eyes widened, flicking up to try to catch Kyo’s alarmed stare.

Something, some instinct Kyo couldn’t identify, moved his hands to clamp over Kaoru’s face, pressing the man’s head harshly back into the wall. “ _Don’t!_ ”

Kaoru held perfectly still, his heart pounding frantically in his chest. He could push his lover’s hands away – he _should_ push his lover’s hands away – but he was frozen in place, the blonde’s sudden terror a harsh assault against his empathic shields. “Kyo, I-”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up! What the fuck just happened?!”

Kaoru swallowed, trying to keep his voice calm. “I don’t know wh-”

“MY ASS, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! Your eyes were fucking PURPLE just now! Purple and huge and fucking GLOWING!” Those blatantly inhuman eyes seemed somehow familiar, but he couldn’t pinpoint any real memory of them. “You… were you… have I seen this before?!” Kyo’s voice wavered, and his entire body was shaking.

“…Yes.”

“What… How are they purple?!”

Kaoru winced. His lover sounded terrified, and he hated being the cause of that quiver in the usually-steady voice. “I-”

“WHY ARE THEY PURPLE?!”

“Ky-”

“What are you?!”

“Kyo-”

“ _What the fuck are_ _you?!_ ”

“Kyo, please-”

“ANSWER ME, GODDAMN IT! WHAT ARE YOU?!”

 “INCUBUS! I’M… I’m an incubus…”

“…You’re an incubus.” Kyo’s voice held a touch of hysteria.

“Yes.”

“…An incubus. You’re a fucking _demon_.”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t I remember seeing this before? HOW COULD I POSSIBLY FORGET SEEING THIS?!”

“I… I can’t always control myself around you. I keep slipping, and whenever you notice… I’ve been erasing the memory.”

Kyo hissed, “You’ve been erasing my memories?!”

“I didn’t want to scare you.”

“SCARE ME?! YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING WITH MY MIND! What else have you erased?! Oh gods… Has… has _anything_ that happened between us been real?! Or are you fucking brainwashing me?!”

“No! Kyo, I would never-”

“TELL ME THE TRUTH, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”

“Everything has been real! I couldn’t control you like this even if I wanted to! I could only Sway you to sleep with me, and even then only if part of you wants it, but I can’t make you _feel_ anything for me, the only memories I’ve erased are ones that would hurt you.”

“Give them back!”

“Wh- _what?_ I… Kyo, they don’t… it would hurt!”

“I don’t care! They’re _mine_ ; it’s my life and you’ve been stealing it from me!”

“I just wanted to protect you!”

“Give them back. Now.”

There was a long silence, and Kaoru seemed to deflate back into the pillows. His heart ached fiercely. This was the end, wasn’t it? Now that trauma had sealed the memory in the blonde’s mind, he could never make it go away completely; Kyo would always have at least some idea of what had happened here, and this situation would only repeat itself over and over. His lover was going to leave him, and he could do nothing to stop it. Resignation sank into his chest like molten lead.

“I… need you to uncover my eyes, to do that.”

“You… that’s how you’ve been making me forget, isn’t it? How do I know you won’t just make me forget this too?”

“I… I can’t anymore… you’re too upset…”

Kyo swallowed, nervous, but he knew he couldn’t very well stay here forever with his hands over Kaoru’s face, disquieting as the sight was. He moved his hands away slowly and stared as dark purple eyes slid open, slit pupils flaring into vertical ovals in the darkness of the room. As alien as they were, Kyo could still see sadness in them. Kaoru looked like his world was ending. The blonde hated how much that desolation affected him, but he was too angry, too hurt, too scared to give any ground now.

“Are… you sure this is what you want?” The older man’s voice was soft.

“Give them back. They’re mine; you have no right to decide what parts of my life I get to hold on to.”

“It’s painful. I don’t want to hurt you.”

A thin hand came up to touch Kyo’s face, only to be pushed it away coldly. Kaoru winced and slowly, carefully went to undo all that he had done. Unraveling the illusions was easier than creating them, but with Kyo awake this time, the younger man had to consciously reconcile false memories with real ones, and it was an agonizing process. It all came back; Hakuei holding him at knifepoint, assaulting him, trying to rape him (something Kyo had thought was just a horrible dream) as well as so many times he and Kaoru had been fooling around and the older man started to change. Sometimes it had been small changes – the lengthening of fingers, his eyes turning purple, an unnatural wave of movement passing through his hair – but once or twice it had been a full shift. Kyo could remember now, the times he’d lain with a demon in its true form, and it was staggering. When Kaoru was finished, he watched burnt gold eyes stare off into space, horrified, full lips open and quivering.

“Kyo… I…”

Before Kaoru knew what was happening, Kyo was running out of the room, out of the apartment, out of his life. All he could do was stare after him as something in his chest cracked.

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

Sprawling, low-hung branches of a gnarled old maple tree protected the small figure huddled against its thick trunk from the torrential summer rain that poured down around it. This lonely corner of a small, unassuming park was quiet even on the best of days, so on a stormy night like tonight it was completely deserted. The man under the tree was shirtless and barefoot, back pressed against the trunk with his knees drawn up close as he fiddled absentmindedly with a sharp folding knife, flicking it open and closed over and over with a practiced motion. One thin line on his left wrist bled sluggishly, but the pain wasn’t as cathartic as usual, doing nothing to dull the ache in his heart, so he’d given up on that method of coping.

A soft rustle outside the shelter caused the man inside to freeze, ears and eyes straining in the dark. Another man came into view, soaked to the bone, and stood before the first for a long moment. Slowly, gracefully, the intruder sank to his knees, hands resting non-threateningly on his thighs, head bowed.

“…What are you doing here, Kaoru?”

“I was worried. It’s been three days, if you stay out here much longer you’re going to get sick.”

“…” Kyo stared at his knife, legs pulling tighter to his chest, defensive. “I… I told him no. I refused him and when he tried to push me I fought back. For once, I spilled _his_ blood between us. And you… you took that away from me.”

“…Yes, I did.”

“He almost killed me for it. He would have, if you hadn’t shown up.”

“Aa.”

“I loved him. I thought he loved me too. I’m not sure when that changed… when things went so bad. But then with you, everything was so… so easy, it just seemed to fall into place, and I thought… I thought… but now I don’t know how much of it was even real. How much of it was really me, how much of it was really you. I’m sick to death of being used and manipulated.”

“I am… sorry that what I did hurt you,” Kaoru said carefully, staring resolutely at the ground. He knew that his eyes represented a threat right now.

Kyo eyed him critically. The older man’s stance was repentant, but he hadn’t subjugated himself. He was offering an apology without asking for forgiveness.

“But you’re not sorry that you did it.”

“No. I never wanted – or tried – to manipulate you, but… I couldn’t let you be hurt again. I just wanted to protect you from what Hakuei did, from what I am, from… everything. If I could do it all over, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing again.”

“Why are you here? Are you going to brainwash me again?”

“No, I can’t brai-” Kaoru sighed. Explaining the limits of his abilities seemed futile at this point. “Kyo, I’m sorry that I hurt you but… how could I let you know what I am without making you crazy? Without losing you?!” Kaoru shook his head, fists clenching painfully in his lap. “What I am… we’re not supposed to _love;_ we’re creatures of lust, of corruption, it’s all we were made to be. I need you, and it scares the hell out of me… I don’t know what to do to make things right between us, but I can’t… fuck, Kyo, I can’t give you up. I know you can’t possibly feel anything for me after what you saw but I just… I had to try…”

“So, what? You want me to just let it go, come home and act like nothing has changed? You twisted my mind, stole my memories, even ones that didn’t involve you being… not human. You’re no better than Hakuei was, Kaoru!”

Kaoru stiffened with offense. “He abused you, Kyo! I just… I just wanted to keep you happy.”

“You’re right, he was violent with me. But he wasn’t sadistic; he didn’t hit me because he enjoyed it! He hit me to control me, and you’ve been controlling me too, just with…” Kyo laughed at how mad the next words felt. “With freaky demon powers? At least Hakuei was always honest. You’ve been lying to me, this whole time! You’re lying to me right now, just being there looking… looking like that!”

Kaoru’s offense flagged some. Something seemed off about the blonde’s reaction – not quite what he’d been expecting – and he lowered his empathic shield to try to feel it out. Kyo was somewhat afraid of him, but not nearly so much as he had assumed. Mostly, the blonde was feeling hurt and… betrayed? It was almost as if Kyo was more upset about Kaoru deceiving him than he was about Kaoru being a demon. He wasn’t sure what that meant for his chances of getting his lover back.

“Who I am hasn’t changed. I still like the same things; I still have the same hobbies and interests. All of the time we spent together… I wasn’t acting or pretending to be anyone else. I am still Kaoru Niikura; I just… look a little different.”

“A little?!” Kyo cried with a derisive laugh, then shook his head and clenched his fists decisively.“I… I want to see the real you, right now. Face me with your own damn face; I think I deserve that much.”

Dark chocolate eyes rose, carefully. The sight of the scorpion necklace still around Kyo’s neck, and his willingness to at least talk, gave Kaoru’s heart a painful twinge of hope. He started to stand, and Kyo tensed, scrambling to his feet as well. The blonde wasn’t sure if the older man as going to leave or try to attack him somehow. Worse, he wasn’t sure which one scared him more.

But Kaoru only raised his hands disarmingly. “It’s okay, I’m not going to do anything. I just can’t change while kneeling. My knees don’t really bend that way very well.”

Kyo was confused by the statement, but only for a moment. The sound of bones and joints reshaping themselves was deeply jolting, and the blonde paled considerably as he watched the change take place. It took only a moment, and Kaoru kept his head bowed throughout, waiting for his (former?) lover to scream in terror and run away. To hate him and fear him and be disgusted for ever having touched or been touched by something so distinctly inhuman.

Instead, Kyo stared at him, for a very long time. The blonde couldn’t avoid the reality that either he was deep in the throes of some kind of schizophrenic fit, or Kaoru was actually a demon. When he did move, his motions were slow and halting; skittish, if such a quality could ever be applied to someone like him. He hesitated a few feet away from Kaoru, swallowing thickly.

“Gods… alright, just don’t… fuck… don’t move, okay?”

“I won’t.”

The blonde started to move forward again, but stopped when a sharp motion behind the taller man caught his eyes. It was almost invisible in the dark, but the long black rope that lashed behind the older man’s oddly shaped legs was clearly part of him. A hysterical little sound bubbled out of his throat as he watched the unexpected appendage twitch anxiously side to side, the tufted tip flicking with a soft swishing sound.

“Fuck me, you… you have a goddamned tail…”

Kaoru’s smile was sad, his ears flicking a bit as a gust of wind tickled them. “I’m sorry, I can’t really stop that from moving right now. It tends to do its own thing.”

“Right… alright… fuck, okay, just…”

Bare feet moved slowly into Kaoru’s vision, and he shivered as a hand brushed ever so gently over the sensitive velvet fur of one of his ears. He closed his eyes as that curious hand explored his ears, his winding horns, his long fingers with a soft touch. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone other than Toshiya had touched those parts of his true form, and he didn’t think anyone had ever done so with such care.

When that hand ran over the base of his tail, he gasped softly. The touch disappeared, and his eyes snapped open. “You don’t have to stop, it’s just… that’s a bit… _sensitive_.”

Kyo shook his head. Even with all the changes, even as the deadly beauty of the creature in front of him shook him to the core, he could still see Kaoru underneath it all. The demon spoke with Kaoru’s voice, and those purple eyes held the same tender affection that he’d seen in dark chocolate irises before. He remembered, still; that resplendent, alien form stretched over his own, pressed against him, pressed inside of him as fingers with too many knuckles caressed him lovingly. For the past three days he’d spent hiding out in the park, huddled under this gnarled old tree, it had been all he could think about. Somehow, though, the memory didn’t frighten him the way he knew it should have. It made his heart ache with longing.

Kyo backed up and leaned against the tree again, arms crossed uneasily over his chest. “…I feel like I’ve lost my damn mind.”

Kaoru’s ears pressed back against his skull in distress. “I’m sorry, Kyo. I never meant for things to be like this.”

“…Do you… do you really… _want_ me? Or am I just… food?”

Kaoru fidgeted, his talons digging shallow trenches into the soft dirt as they flexed. “I suppose both. I’ve become addicted to the energy I consume from you, so I would probably starve if you left, but ultimately, you don’t even need to know I exist for me to be able to feed on you. I’ve been doing that since the first time I saw you sing. But… you’re the first human being to see or touch my true form in this lifetime. The first in _several_ lifetimes, and you’ve kept the memory of it for several days now. I would never allow any of this if I didn’t want you. And... care about you.”

Kyo’s heart stuttered and clenched at the pain in his lover’s voice. They had come together on the tail of a horrible relationship, and had only been coupled for a short time, but he still felt inexorably bound to the older man. Things with Kaoru always felt safe, but deliciously sinful; easy, but passionate and exciting. The thought of leaving the man, of never seeing him smile or hearing him laugh or feeling his touch, sent a sharp, agonizing pang through his chest.

The blonde looked strained, running his fingers through his hair. “Fuck. I’ve definitely lost it. Alright. If… if this is going to continue… with _us_ … you can’t touch my memories, my mind, ever again. No matter how much you think it might protect me, no matter how scared you are that I might leave, you don’t get to decide my life for me.”

Kaoru stepped forward carefully, slowly, and brought his hands up to touch Kyo’s face, his eyes bright with hope. “You… you still want to be together?”

“…Maybe. But you have to… I need… I need us to be equals, I need to see the real you. I can’t… I won’t be controlled, ever again, and you don’t get to lie to me with a face that isn’t yours. Do you understand? And you’re going to need to explain this incubus thing to me, because this is some very freaky bullshit!”

Kaoru bit his lip with sharp teeth. “Whatever you want, Kyo! Please… please come home with me?”

"…" Kyo took a breath and straightened, nodding decisively. “Alright. I was never meant for normal love anyway.” He gave a crooked grin. “Hell, this is probably still the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.”

Kaoru couldn’t believe his ears. “‘Love’…? You… could really love this-… what I am? Sleep beside me knowing that I can see your dreams, can manipulate them? That I feed on the output of your soul?”

Kyo leaned up to close the gap between them, brushing his lips lightly over the older man’s before pressing into them fully. The familiar mouth had changed – teeth too sharp, tongue too long – but somehow, it didn’t feel like kissing a stranger. Kaoru, _his_ Kaoru, was still inside this foreign exterior. Too-long fingers still slid lovingly up the nape of his neck, soft black hair under sharp horns still flowed like silk over his hands. When they parted, a smile came to his face easier than he would have thought.

“I guess we’ll find out.”

 

 


	29. Epilogue

_Full lips – kiss-bruised and glistening – panted harshly, a lean chest heaving with every sharp inhale. Tattooed arms were stretched above feathery blond hair and bound with thick silk rope to a sturdy wooden headboard. Nothing existed in this place beyond the bed and its entwined occupants, no sounds besides their gasping breaths and throaty moans. Slender legs writhed and kicked against the smooth surface of the bedspread, scrambling for leverage to push himself up and finding none._ _Between those legs, a monster prowled. A black tongue – impossibly long and wickedly dexterous – flicked and teased at the blonde’s weeping erection as glowing purple eyes stared hungrily up at his flushed face. Every time the bound man tried to thrust further up into that devious mouth, the long-fingered hands gripping his narrow hips pressed them down firmly to keep them still. Clenched hands pulled furiously at their bindings, itching to bury themselves in tendrils of living black hair and force that wet, wonderful heat to take him in._

_“FUCK, Kaoru!” Kyo cried, his voice hitching over a needy whine. “Please, Kao, please, I can’t take anymore!”_

_“Well, since you ask so sweetly… what do you want me to do?” the demon purred, his calm voice belied by his eagerly lashing tail._

_“Suck me off, fuck me, anything, I don’t care just stop teasing me, please!”_

_“Mmm, how can I say no to that?” Kaoru grinned wickedly, baring rows of deadly sharp teeth. “We don’t have any lube though. We’ll have to improvise.”_

_Kyo threw his head back and howled as that fiendish tongue snaked its way down to his entrance, pressing into him and wriggling against sensitive internal flesh. Deeper and deeper it slid – impossibly deep, slick and hot and wet inside him – such a foreign, exotic sensation that he could scarcely breath for it. Stars flashed in dark gold eyes as the narrow tip brushed over a fleshy bundle of nerves and another lusty moan tore free of the smaller man’s throat. The serpentine appendage did little to stretch him and when it disappeared, and something much harder and thicker began to press at his entrance, a masochistic thrill washed over him._

_“Oh gods, Kao, please, please do it, please, please, **please**!”_

_A deeply inhuman sound rolled out of Kaoru’s chest as he thrust powerfully into Kyo’s tight heat; something between a purr and a growl and a hiss that would have sent shivers down his lover’s spine if ecstasy weren‘t already coursing through him. Tears of pain-streaked pleasure were streaming beautifully down round, flushed cheeks. Kaoru smelled a faint trace of blood, felt thick warmth slicking the narrow passage beyond what his saliva had done, and knew he had torn the blonde’s flesh._

_But the legs clamped around him and the hips twitching needily against his own begged him not to stop just as desperately as Kyo’s breathless voice. And how could Kaoru – a most attentive lover by nature – possibly deny his beloved victim everything the man’s greedy little heart desired? Thick black talons shredded the blankets and mattress beneath them as Kaoru plunged wildly in and out of that blood-slick heat._

_An unending litany of gasps, moans, screams, and throaty cries of his lover’s name poured out of Kyo’s mouth and filled the air around them. He was already so close to the edge, driven mad with pleasure by a teasing tongue and clever hands. This loving manipulation of his body, every stinging thrust angled to strike against the spot that made his every nerve sing with pleasure, was too much. When razor-sharp claws ran up the side of his ribcage, then ripped their way back down, his mouth fell open in a scream too powerful for even his throat, silent in its intensity. Lights exploded behind his eyes as Kyo felt his pleasure, his pain, his soul, his **everything** go rushing out of him in brutal climax._

Kyo jolted, his gasping cry echoing in the silent room as the aftershock of his release awoke him. His hands slid frantically over his aching sides and found the flesh there perfectly intact; no blood or ragged claw-marks. Looking down, he saw his skin marred only by a streak of pearly white fluid splashed up over his belly, and the hand-shaped bruise forming in the center of his chest where he’d borne his lover’s weight. A shift of the hips found his ass only a little sore; a mild twinge that would hardly even affect his walking. He collapsed back into his pillow with a breathless laugh.

Kaoru was kneeling between the blonde’s splayed legs, violet eyes glazed with satiation and just a little out of breath. He was physically drained, but full to the brim of his lover’s spent energy, and absolutely satisfied to the core. Even his tail’s enthusiastic lashing had slowed to a lazy flick of the tip every now and again, stretching out behind him in a content drape.

“Okay, love?”

“Aa…” was the self-indulgent response. “It was perfect… you’re perfect… everything is perfect…”

Kaoru hummed his pleasure and stretched out alongside the younger man, arms and legs winding around the smaller frame. “Mmm… good.”

For a long time, Kyo had struggled to hide his masochistic tendencies from his lover, afraid that it would create a new rift between them. Their relationship was already so bizarre, how could he allow the vicious kink in his nature to add even more strain? He loved Kaoru, deeply and absolutely, but part of him craved sex with a painful twist, and the older man still – a year later – had a tendency to handle him with kid gloves. He had known without having to ask that his beloved knife would never find itself in those unnaturally long fingers. But then his otherworldly lover had caught him, literally red-handed in the shower, pulling desperately at an aching erection and moaning his name.

Kaoru, once recovered from the unexpected “meal” he’d come home to, had presented an elegant solution. Kyo was right in that he could never bring himself to hurt his precious lover for real, but he could absolutely indulge the blonde’s every last fantasy and whim in his dreams. And so it came to pass that whenever Kyo’s skin began to shiver and itch for the kiss of a blade, Kaoru would find gold eyes peering up at him pleadingly, crooked teeth digging into a full lip with barely restrained hope. He would take the blonde to bed, and weave a wet dream for him that would leave Kyo quivering with residual pleasure for days at a time.

Such violent play wasn’t his usual taste, but he could hardly complain; the sheer intensity of the energy released from such couplings was enough to send him flying high as a kite for hours.

“Did you finish?” Kyo wondered sleepily. “If you want me to, I could take care of you…”

Kaoru chuckled, “How many times have I told you not to worry about that?”

“It’s-” the blonde loosed a wide yawn, “It’s important.”

“Well then, you’ll be happy to know that I absolutely _plowed_ you while you were dreaming and you, you magnificent creature, were fantastic. Even with your mind occupied, your most divine body knew just how to move to drive me mad and milk me dry. Then, as you reached the heights of pleasure, your soul burst with that delicious golden energy that I am so addicted to, and filled me up. I could not be more satisfied than I am now.”

Kyo blushed deeply, nuzzling into his lover’s chest. “Oh… well that’s… that’s good, then.”

Kaoru smirked. Sometimes his little human was terrifically brazen, but when Kaoru lavished praise on him, he could become incredibly shy and sweet. The incubus loved the fluidity with which the mortal moved through facets of his personality; each aspect distinct and fascinating, ever shifting as they were. He expected the younger man to drift off then, so he was a bit surprised when Kyo spoke up again.

“Do you want to dream with me tonight?”

Kaoru felt a shiver of joy rush through him. He had once  mentioned off-handedly to Kyo that he was incapable of dreaming on his own, and the blonde had taken the information to heart. Days later, Kyo had asked if, since Kaoru could see and manipulate his dreams, it was at all possible for Kaoru to join him in them without altering their content. It was hardly a month after the blonde had discovered his lover’s true nature, and he was still uncomfortable with anything that involved Kaoru’s preternatural abilities. Sleeping with their minds so closely entwined was almost terrifyingly intimate, and Kaoru had known – still knew – that the offer was a difficult one to make. He was, to this day, deeply touched every time Kyo did so.

“If you’ll have me, I would love to.”

“Aa…” Kyo slid one hand up Kaoru’s neck, then cheek, then forehead to run along the curve of one thick horn. “We… have a weird relationship, don’t we?”

“Yes, I suppose we do.” Kaoru kissed the top of the blonde head fondly. “Are you happy?”

“Being a demon’s banquet on an almost-nightly basis?” Kyo pondered the question for a long moment, then nodded. “Happier than I’ve ever been. You?”

“Absolutely.”

“Mmm… then I guess a little weirdness is okay.” A pause, then, ever so softly, “…Love you, Kao.”

Kaoru closed his eyes and smiled. “I love you too, Kyo.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, another fairy tale ending! Don't worry, not everything I do stretches suspension of disbelief quite so badly. I'm never really sure how I feel about this fic, to be honest, and not just for its fairy tale qualities. Still, this is infinitely better than the original version, which was all of maybe 8 chapters long and, as such, horribly rushed. Either way, I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks for reading!


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